"Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness or hollowness inside you. You feel isolated or separated from the world, cut off from those you would like to have contact with. There are different kinds of loneliness and different degrees of loneliness. You might experience loneliness as a vague feeling that something is not right, a kind of minor emptiness. Or you might feel loneliness as a very intense deprivation and deep pain. One type of loneliness might be related to missing a specific individual because they have died or because they are so far away. Another type might be involve feeling alone and out of contact with people because you are actually physically isolated from people like you might be if you work alone on the night shift or are off alone in a part of a building where people seldom go. You might even feel emotionally isolated when you are surrounded by people but are having difficulty reaching out to them.

Loneliness is different than just being alone

It needs to be emphasized here that loneliness is not the same as being alone. A person will always have time when they chose to be alone. Rather, loneliness is the feeling of being alone and feeling sad about it. And, of course, all of us feel lonely some of the time. It is only when we seem trapped in our loneliness that it becomes a real problem."

http://www.counsel.ufl.edu/selfHelp/dealingWithLoneliness.asp

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I'm not sure why im'm making this post about loneliness. No matter who i've known and met in this world the best friend i've had all my life has been my own brain. Since i started doing much more walking by myself, about 4 years ago, I've had no-one to talk to but myself. My walk to school takes about 15-20 minutes, depending on speed and urgency, and with noone to talk to my mind wanders. When I used to do my paper-round (thank the Lord that's over) it was a whole 2 hour stint with no-one but me and my mind. I think since then i've really formed quite a relationship with my mind, almost to the point where my own brain can take over without me noticing.

No matter where i am or what im doing my mind is ticking away at possibly the most absurd thoughts, usually before i go to sleep. And last night's thought was loneliness.

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I can't say i've ever been so lonely as to succumb to any form of depression, but I acknowledge i prefer my own company in large crowds, and in smaller i prefer larger crowds. There are many individuals in my life that any time apart from can lead to a need to see them, or at least talk to them. When it comes to loneliness, i think we've all felt it's effects, in whatever degree. Anything can become lonely, like the dog that waits to see it's family return from work or wherever. No wonder it's so overjoyed and perky in their presence. In it's own limited understanding he had no idea of there intent to return. You see dogs following there families on a walk, even if the family are trying to shoo it away. As far as the dog knows, it may be being left indefinitely, it's only hope to stave off lonelyness is to follow the family, to whatever length or end.

There's a certain desperation when the lonelyness gets to us. If we are aware that the problem is becoming so intense we feel suffocated by it, we, like the dog, can go to any length to seek companionship. There comes a time for anyone to take an irrational risk just for the slim hope of companionship, with whoever it may be. In this seeking we can be driven to do things we would otherwise regret, or not usually have the courage to do.

Rejection is made all the more painful at this point.

Hypothetical Scenario

Bob, 25, office worker, lives on his own. across the office from him for the last 4 years has been Janet, 28.

Bob has felt a deep attraction to Janet for the last 4 years, but while he has remained as the unpopular "new-guy" she has established a firm network of friends.

Now, for arguments sake, Bob manages in some way to talk to Janet, and in one desperate moment of madness declares his affection for her.

Bob, just for the sake of the hypothesis, is a very lonely man. Would that really have decided whether at the office party he bought Janet a drink? Did he take the desperate plunge in a last ditch effort for companionship?

Janet hastily makes her excuses and leaves.

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Now, fair enough, hypothetical scenario, but it's a familiar idea. I think the most powerful form of loneliness in the world is unrequited love. The basic idea that you can love someone with all your heart and mind and know that they don't in return can be pure torture (thankfully i can't talk from experience). Hence the totally stupid and desperate things we do, just for a little companionship. I doubt anyone who reads this won't have, or won't in the future.

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Meh, negativity spoils my Saturdays. On MSN for the last two day's there has been no-one i've wanted to talk to on. The people I did want to talk to had there reasons, but still. Friday's with noone to talk to aren't good for anyone.

G'night
DickyBod

Playing: .hack//INFECTION
Reading: Jennifer Government
Listening to: Face to Face - Daft Punk
Watching: Whatever's on when i turn on the TV
Annoyed with: The inevitable difficulty of the Chem exam...
Confused about: What i just wrote
Mood: Happy.
Missing? You...