I think it's about time in this blog I went with the noble Simpsonian tradition of :

The Clip Show!

Low budget requirements, and also (at least in the blog) a rather original idea. It came to me when I was reading a few older blog posts and thought, "I wrote some wierd stuff". So hey, why not make a compilation of it? I'll try and make sure they're not in context. Enjoy! (they'll go from earliest to latest)

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16/2/04

"Hopefully I'll work out exactly what I should be doing in due course, so my later musings will be more interesting." - Yeh, that worked out didn't it!

"Meh, purile never was so terrible" - A form I have since perfected!

17/2/04

"beans on toast, about the only thing i can cook" - No longer, thank you Sarah!

"noone but me's probably going to read it" - Ok, there are some inaccuracies...

"I spent most of the time between my last post and now pasting all of the heliotopia strand in our forum into a single word document. A word document that is now about 75 pages long, with about 70000 words in it. Now, im no expert, but thats a lot..." - I think it ended up at 99 pages. Good times...

"I may even go as far as to watch both matrix films" - I never did...

18/2/04

"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!! I thought i may as well post for habits sake. But with very little to write about i don't know why i'm bothering. Meh." - Now I just don't bother!

19/2/04

"Not only was, Rob Guest, Dareus Jamshidi and Thomas Pettican on MSN Messenger (a wholly rare occurance) but Cax posted on the IOM forums! MADNESS!!" - Still yet to be repeated!

21/2/04

"Ah, another funpacked day! Several Armed militants attempted to storm the Glades in Bromely today.I was just leaving Ottakers having purchased a rather spectacular yarn about the life of Partario Jenkins, when an MP5 Automatic was pointed in my face. Grabbing the barrel, I twisted the weapon out of my aggressors grasp and fired twice at his body. AS he lay on the floor in his final moments of life, i relieved him of his Semi Automatic and ran for cover in the McDonalds around the corner. The Manager of the store came out, brandishing a substandard BigMac and a white boxing glove,and ran to'ard me in a frenzied state. With mere seconds to act, I ran behind the counter and knocked him out with a McChicken Sandwich. I then did an act so horrific UN officials would be vomiting over their copies of the Geneva Convention : I force fed the unconscious manager the BigMac. Leaving the Special Sauce to do its work, I saught my next victim. I found my next target purchasing the last copy of Final Fantasy X-2 in Game. I ran, as though time had slowed, into the store, and wrestled the shopper to the floor. A fierce ten minutes of martial arts skills later, i hurried out victorious. My journey continued..." - 'nuff said!

22/2/04

"forgive me Father for i have abbreviated"

" I have never, and will never, be in a state that could be described as intoxicated/inebriated/drunk" - Whoops...

"I don't know how to play backgammon."

"Actually, is it grammatically correct to use a bracket in a bracket, or would that cause some sort of warp in the grammer-syntax continuum?"

"I HATE MY GENERATION (with the odd exception)"

"Ok, time to end by being satirical about my own (this one) which you (not me) are reading (reading as in not writing it) Now anyway (apropos) time to end (finish) this blog (this) with the point of this point (?) being I USE BRACKETS TOO MUCH!" - Still do in fact...

24/2/04

"BICYCLES MR TYLER AMERICA PIGEONS BANDWAGONS NEGATIVITY"

"floop miggi hashhasi sushi sushi sushi"

25/2/04

"Before I do that, some light poetry"

28/2/04

"then from then on its starve, starve, starve"

29/2/04

"despite the anatomically incorrect clownfish (Pixar, eyes should be at the side)"

"He then very subtly managed not to reveal my position to the rest of the players ("OH MY GAD ARRRGH WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!!") IN a church to tsk tsk tsk... I hope he burns."

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Wow, February was a busy month...

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7/3/04

"1) Lack of Alcohol Consumption2) Lack of rythmic movement aka "Dancing"" - Well, that lasted a while...

17/3/04

"DAMN YOU SOCIAL LIFE!!"

"i am jealous of the fact my friend has a non platinum ver. of VII IN MINT CONDITION" - Which is now MINE! Mwahahah!

"Nike shoes? Knives? Or the 100 Decimal Places of Pi and the Theorems of Newton" - Newton... always Newton...

"i do not (and never have) had a girlfriend" - whoops...

"also dude get a girlfriend its more fun than any ps2 game if you like each other enough" - Done and done!

28/3/04

"Nope, by reading that you have made me safe from any legal action you might have wanted to take against me for such an appalling piece of prose. Why not buy an authentic DickyBod T-shirt?"

29/3/04

""Your mum..." (for all you roodbois: OOOOH YOUR MUM!!!)"

"I get a royalty every time he gets a hit!"

"One minor quibble; DickyBod, not Dicky Bod. No space, I have none to spare."

"might want to have a fan ready to cool you down and/or a qualified team of medically trained persons on hand in case of overexcitement on your part."

30/3/04

"Horatio Davidson would love to see TSWK follow the dark side"

31/3/04

"Its bare, but like a plant it will grow with sentiment and feeling"

2/4/04

"(On Gothika) ...unless the title makes you salivate with your pathetic friends who think that demons and ghosts exist, and that you feel goblins touching your head, giving you signs that the world is full of devils. Let me tell you how to get rid of those ”goblins.” Head and Shoulders."

3/4/04

"Bear traps in number 29"

"(on 'love') The only place it exists now is Richard Curtis films"

11/4/04

"though obviously not in the 'plug it into my veins' sense. Snorting is much more efficient"

13/4/04

"i bvelieve my love life is the nonexistant pile of leaves that it was and will remain"

19/4/04

"WAIT!! I NEED A FEW SEXS WHILE I CHECK OUT THIS TREE ORGASM!!! IT HAS A SNAIL ON IT!! LOOK AT ITS TESTICLES!!!"

1/5/04

"The fun and sexual content that can only come from... LOW RATE PORN no wait i mean A-LEVEL DRAMA!!! "

3/5/04

"For a second date take her to McD's. If she gets rid of you she's more interested in cash and other materialistic things, if she stays with you and puts up with it then she likes you.........if she suggests going to McD's again dump her as she's a chav in disguise"

8/5/04

"i shall now feign interest in. Interest...7.9% APR..."

16/5/04

"Actually on the topic of Greece, i almost managed to kill her."

22/5/04

"Right, that'll appease the voices in my head."

29/5/04

"arm raised in proclamation and granduer. Realise how silly i look and run"

"(If you have no idea who Weebl or his friend Bob is, or do not know about their everyday happenings, you need to get out less.)"

2/6/04

"The lawyers are salivating in anticipation! Spitoons are in the corner guys..."

7/6/04

"Did Jesus use Colgate or Aquafresh?"

10/6/04

"And who says i take to long to get to the point?"

11/6/04

"make sure you have the permission of whoever's paying the bill and wear safety goggles at all times"

12/6/04

"I think the most powerful form of loneliness in the world is unrequited love"

15/6/04

"Who were her other 4 CD's by? HypOCRacy? Ay Que Ay? Subtlety never was so obvious..."

"Which called for a mild amount of w00tage as the day progressed."

"it was nice to see some new graffiti on the desk, since it gave me a further insight as to how many people feel about General Studies"

"Yawn x 10 to the power of 55318008"

16/6/04

"HELLO TO JEAN AND ALL THE OTHER LOVELY LADIES IN THAT FINE DEPARTMENT at Jan and Harry's Forced Labour Camp "

19/6/04

" Furnulum pani nolo. "I don't want a toaster.""

23/6/04

"What Kind Of Shoe Are You?"

25/6/04

"I suppose all that kept me in my happy place (which was inhabited by characters from the Happy Tree Friends, so i think i'd slipped into a totally psycholgically tormenting moment at that point...) was a peice of graffitti on the desk i was sitting at. A little picture of Frankenstien's monster (or Hermann Munster, i couldnt be sure) giving a little thumbs up, a jovial grin, with the speech bubble "Good Luck". I felt very tempted to write "Thank ye Franky!" underneath, but considering the fragile state i was in mentally i didnt want to write anything in case i somehow recited the Necronomicon and spawned hell on earth.Exams are wierd..."

28/6/04

"I realised that there are some songs you listen to when you go to sleep, and there are some that you don't. Nightwish just hit the don't catagory, so i switched to Gorillaz, until it hit the song Gravity and my parents had to wrench the axe from my grasp as i went on a murderous rampage around the streets"

29/6/04

" I can smell the lasagne calling to me...wait, that's not right..."

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Ok, Lets take a break at July. I have better things to do you know!!!