Whoa!!! What on earth has happened to this page? For those of you that don't have a blog, get one. No, seriously... this box in which I write my various thoughts, muses and general witty comments seems to have gone on a bit of a moosey moment and added some nice pretty buttons. OOH!! Text colour! Must...resist...fiddling...with...colour...
 
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Well, that initial shock over, I can now continue in a dignified manner. Ooh look! Green!! Hehehehehee!!! Madnes!!! Webgins!!! ('Madness, Webdings')
I am so blooming sad. Oops, what font was I using? See, it's usually arial, but it seems not to be... Courier? Georgia? Ooh yes, Georgia. Ok, stop fiddling now...
 
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• BULLET POINTS!!! Wow! How damn cool is this!!!
• Rock
• on
• people.
• Mum,
• I'll
• sort
• that
• pic
• out!

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Right, seriousness now.

...sorry, couldnt resist :D

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For the past two days, I have had two different songs stuck in my head, which are:

1. Utada Hikaru  - "Simple and Clean"
2. Blondie - "Maria" (And ye that played this to me: It's your fault! You know who you are!)

Now, I have hypothesised the only cure for a song that is stuck in one's head (other than inflicting it on others) is to get and even more annoying song in there. So, there's me watching some wierd program about 1998's music on ITV, and they play only 10 seconds of that drearie Spice Girls song "Viva Forever", (which has the freakiest video...) and IMMEDIATLY it's in my head. So I'm repeatedly playing the above 2 songs, in order to try and cram them back in. It seems my remedy works too well...

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I went down the road today, to one of West Wickham's many corner shops that aren't actually on a corner, in order to buy myself the new PS2 magazine. Here's how it went. Bullet point style!! I do love these :D

• I pick up the money
• I put money in pocket
• I open front door
• I pick up my house keys
• I walk out of the door
• I close front door.

All good. All except for one small detail. Highlight that blank bullet point and you'll see what it was I forgot to do.

Yes, I forgot to pick up my keys. And, like all instances when this has occured to anyone in the world, when did I realise this? The exact moment the door closed. Oh life...

So anyway, I went down to the shop, bought my magazine, had a good old laugh with the shopkeeper regarding my predicament and strolled home, thinking wildly as to how I was going to get in, save waiting 5 hours for mum to get home (possibly more since she needs to pick up her car today). So, i knock on the neighbours door, smile sweetly (yet grotesquely) and ask if I could use their garden for a moment. A quick leap over the fence, and I'm over the fence. In my own garden. Now the moment of truth: is the back door unlocked?

No. Not even a electronic sausage.

Luckily, seemingly prepared for every eventuality, I have reading material! After reading the magazine and realising that there is a long wait ahead, I decide to try and get in. Luckily, I don't go hungry due to a free packet of Peanut Eminems with the magazine, which I manage to eat one of before I remember how much I hate them.  So, utilising a bamboo cane and the catflap, and under the bemused gazes of two of my cats that had come to have a watch, I set about trying to get the back door key from on top of the fridge. And, since I am currently blogging, you can probably guess that I managed to do it. Ah joy!

That was my fun for the morning, and provided a nice little muse to blog. Which I'm sure you're all grateful for.

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14 minutes and 57 seconds after having got into the house (possibly a bit more, but that's how long the Killzone trailer was) i remembered what it was I was going to blog about. So i was locked in a struggle of the brain trying to decide which to blog about. Being locked out or Yellow Car? Simple answer: Both. Have fun on the next paragraph!

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Yellow Car. A game that seems to have spread to an extraordinary degree since it was first introduced to me by a dimunitive little imp being named Edward. A game which has steadily grown more and more violent and frequent in happening with the emergence of more and more yellow cars on the road. So how does it work? Simple. Here I have faithfully reproduced a segment from my soon to be released book, which discusses the game. Have fun.

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"'chard's Yellow Car Guide for Unintelligent Cretins"

A fun little game to be played whenever you are travelling, be it on foot, by car or by sea (though by sea this game becomes harder, due to lack of main roads on the open sea.)

The rules are simple, and will be explained with the help of my good friend, Ted. Hello Ted!

  o/ Hello Richard! Gee, it's swell to be here!
/
 /\

Shut up Ted. ASCII art doesn't talk like a 1930's spoiled brat.

  0   Is it 'coz I is QWERTY?
<>
  /\

Get on with the damn rules Ted... or i'll go backspace on your pipeshift be-hind

(This goes on for a while. Eventually Ted gets a bit-part in an upcoming flash animation, leaving me on my own. Lets continue with the book extract.)

The game can be played between any number of players. Whenever a yellow CAR is seen, the players must be the first to cry out "YELLOW CAR" and whack one of his compatriots on the arm. It cannot be stressed that it must be a CAR. Not a van, not a bike, not even a indicator light. the car must be undisputedly yellow.

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A fun game I'm sure you'll agree. If playing in a car, don't punch the driver. I cannot be held responsible for your stupidity.

"'chard's Yellow Car Guide for Unintelligent Cretins" is out on August 5th, priced £59.99, from all obscure bookstores.

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Well, thats that. Have fun people!

G'Mid afternoon
'Chard

Playing: Kingdom Hearts
Reading: OPS2M #49
Listening to: Utada Hikaru - Simple and Clean
Watching: Derren Brown's Russian Roulette Reloaded
Annoyed with: My stupidity earlier
Confused about: Why the hell I put ASCII in my blog...
Mood: Rather giggly