Stealing

Since Flickr is currently being an anal passage, I am going to put off the Twelfth Night blog until tomorrow (with PICCYCHARDS!) in favour of annoying Steve by stealing his thing regarding himself. Except about me. So, obligatory mugshot:



Oh yeh, drink in the sex. Of course, notmany know that, courtesy of the Hammed Oxen, I now live a double life as a dashing, daring, dastardly and altogether 'D' adjectived highwayman!

Forced smiles aplenty.

Letsa go! So longa de Bowsair...

Name: Richard Matthew Stewart WC SAT GCSE AS
Age: 17
Height: Whereever Steve is. Ish.
Weight: Fluctuating between !4st and 15st. And noone ever believes that.
Hair colour: Blonde. Rawr
Hair Style: Long flowing; Cascading.
Eye Colour: Blue. Aeryn!
Blood type: O damn i dont know..
Status: Single, waiting to be swept off my feet, or in turn sweep.
Build: BOOBIES!!! Erm, big. But deceptively so.
Siblings: Mon frére
Pets: Wallace, Chipmunk, Patch and Blackcat
Pro-life or pro-choice: Choice. Liberal skank
Right or left: I cant remeber which is which. Whichever all the bad people arent and all the good people are.
Favourite food: A good sandwich. Rock on.
Favourite beverage: Ribna or, in agreement with Steve, BIER!!!
Chosen degree subject: Cough. Probably Drama
Chosen Unis: Cough.
Personality: Far too nice for my own good. Meaning if i don't like you i'm gonna have to bitch behind your back. Not that I do much, I try and like everyone. Always end up copying others's foibles and mannerisms to ingratiate myself, to the point where the advice 'be yourself' is fecking pointless since I don't have a myself. Also, currently possess about 21 self inflicted steak knife scars on my right arm, so you can work out the name of that personality defect easily (no steve, not women ;P)
What I like about girls: Girls are amazing creatures. I love the female gender, becuase they're amazing listeners, can bring out the best in me, are ALL beautiful both outside and in, smell nicer than men, and are just as much of a laugh. However, get too emotional, clingy, crazy, possessive or start trying to run MY life how YOU think I should, and you will be the only person to see me at my worst.
Music tastes: Seriously, anything good. Even if i slag off some band one week I can be really into them the next (so, no steve, I'm not going to be ashamed ;)). Metal is my love, Slipknot rocking the way forward in that category, with Nightwish and Lacuna Coil sorting out the Goth Symphonic side of things, Muse The Killers and Coldplay being the Lighter half. With a little punk from Greenday and a slight inkling for the Emo/Metalcore from Trivium, MCR and Avenged Sevenfold. Finally Bill Bailey and Tenacious D filling the comedy, and Linkin Park and Gorillaz adding some Hiphop to the final blend. Mmm.
Film tastes: Anything good. Anime is nice.
Tv shows: Dr Who. Never watch anything else unless its on DVD, in whcih case Futurama, Family Guy and the extensive AWESOMENESS that is Firefly.
Hobbies: MSN. Counts doesnt it? Love creative writing and have a massive passion for acting, even if im not that confidant and/or am shite at it. Plus gaming, love me some of that.
Nationality: English.
Heritage: English, Scottish. Apparantly you go back for enough there's some Pirate in me too :-D
Favourite colour: Red/Black
Favourite metal: Aluminium. 'Cos Americans can't say it.
Favourite non-metal: Helen
Dislikes: Chavs.
Pet type: Cats, mix of tabby Tortoiseshell and runt :P
Pet age: 3 years and 6 months ish for the kittens, no idea for Wallace
House: Still standing with a 29 on the door
Parents still married?: Yup
Intelligence: Slowly going down the toilet
Gender: Rugged macho man
Sexual orientation: Straight
Homophobe?: 'I've got nothing against homophobia, as long as they do it behind closed doors and don;t hurt anyone.' I got no problem with it.
Anything else-phobe: HATE HEIGHTS. And I'm scared of the dark.
Been on a boat?: Aye
A plane: Aye
A hovercraft: Alas
Town of residence: West Wickham, Middle of Nowhere, Ipswich
Any crushes?: Ahem, moving on
Best mate?: Too many.
Am I mad? HAHAHHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAAHAno...KILKILLLKILL...
Lonely?: very
Feeling towards exams?: COME ON YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT! *said while stripped to the waist brandishing a large sword and automatic gun of some kind*
Do I like you? ...whos asking these?
Distinguishing features: Teh hair
Any skills?: Making no sense. Noticed? Oh, and according to Helen I'm good at hugs, and according to Rachel mny amazing skill is being able to wear tracksuit trousers without looking lke a chav. Score!
What would you do if in command of all?: Tear shit to shit >:-D
Thoughts of future: Taknig each second as it comes.
What's that?: It's a small word with a T at each and HA in the middle.
Cock size: More to love. No hang on..
Favourite sport: ...sp....ort?...
Favourite real animal: Cats
Favourite mythical creature: DRAGONS!!! MWAHHAAHA
Date of birth: 6/6/88
Star sign: Gemineminemini
Chinese new year: Dragon.
Happy?: Sometimes, with some people
EMO!: Oh shut up, yes
Then what are you?: Chard
Errr...: ISIT?
Fine: here you are officer, won't do it again
Religious: Eh. When im in the mood.

In other news I had the company of 2 lovely ladies, first Sarah who had fun being late for lunch and then I got attacked by a blonde bespectacled one who then fell asleep on me. Boring old me.

Playing: Fable
Reading: Feast For Crows - George R. R. Martin
Listening to: 'Uno' - Muse
Annoyed with: Me
Mood: Contently not sleepy
Song currently stuck in head: 'Sound of the Underground' - Girls Aloud
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Morgenstern/Ohne Dich' - Rammstein

Taking the piss somewhat?

Look at that. Wii. Why the hell? Note the lack of 'Nintendo Wii' (which Paul irritatingly seems to miss), suggesting perhaps a selfconscious lack of association with their own product. "Wii? Oh no, don't look at us. Not the Nintendo Wii, just Wii."
The only good thing about it is that, yes the jokes ARE endless. Cream of the crop being "Wii will break down that wall that separates game players from everybody else".

Meh. Who am I to complain? I share a name with a Swiss Vegetable. I suppose Nintendo are right when they say:

"...it's really not about you or me. It's about Wii. And together, Wii will change everything."

Giggle.

Wii are 'chard

Playing: Fable
Reading: Feast For Crows - George R. R. Martin
Listening to: 'Ashamed' - Muse
Annoyed with: Nintendo
Mood: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!
Song currently stuck in head: 'Double Team' - Tenacious D
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'The Ghost of You' - *COUGH*My Chemical Romance*COUGH*

A collective of nouns

Collective nouns seem strange to me. Ok, I get some of the obvious ones, but wheres the logic behind 'a murder of crows'? Who came up with 'a tedium of golfers'? So, in true cynic style, I decided that obviously what had happened was that people had taken the subject, and randomly scanned the dictionary for a word to match. So, let's give this a go shall we? All the subjects are things around me at the moment, the words are random from the dictionary.

• A Pheasantry of Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals.

This one was inspired by the fact that Jesus Christ Superstar is on at the moment and that I opened the dictionary to P.

• A Mediocrity of chewing gum

Which is true enough. Mint is kinda dull after the whiles. Where's the guava and papaya flavours? Come on Wrigley's, get your act together!

• A Juniper of Video Blogs

Which I was going to do one of for this post, seeing as its the 300th. I had the idea before the 2 pints!

• A Retina of Shakespeare scripts

Well, the guy did have quite the eye for literacy...

• A hart's-horn of MySpace users

Harts-horn apparantly being "Horn of the hart, ammoniacal preperation obtained from the horn; solution of ammonia". Isn't ammonia poisonous? Would sort them out, no problem...

• A militia of CD-RW

Wow, I knew they were evil but... wow...

• An ichneumon of garden forks

They arent egyptian weasels! This logic is flawed!

• An impregnation of chocolate bunnies

ok, SO not eating them now...

• A newspaper of Kaiser Chief albums

Hm, i suppose theres the jobs section...

• A pettifoggery of adopted mothers

Fantastic word!

• A mistranslation of Twelth Night

Serendipity!!! That's far better than the thing thats happening to my kids! Fantastic! Don't kill me Helen...

• An insecticide of Christ

Hmm, so it WASN'T crucifixion... email the pope, tell everyone to wear spray cans on their gold chains instead of crosses.

• A reign of spoons

...now that's just evil!

In the words of that guy from art attack, try it yourself!

A slight of 'chards
Playing: Fable
Reading: The Dictionary
Listening to: 'Pulse of the Maggots' - Slipknot
Annoyed with: Girls
Mood: Ahem
Song currently stuck in head: 'Time Honoured Tradition' - Keiser Chiefs
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Duality' - Slipknot (listened to it for 4 hours straight. \m/)

Fucking BEST!

Do you know what I really love?

Having an empty house. There is nothing better for my mood than relaxing back on the internet, with music at Disaster Area levels and only become tolerable if you leave the building. Especially songs that have NO build up in the intro and just go into solid noise (i've found (Sic), Unspoken and Rain by Slipknot, Lacuna Coil and Trivium to be especially good), and you actively feel the fabric of your shirt get blasted back, resting your feet on the metal legs of the desk and feeling the bass vibrate all the way up your legs, slowly feeling the onset of mild ear problems in later life (lectureth me not Hane).

And you kow why it's good? Cos I dont have to deal with any shit if I can't hear it, I don't have to read any whining while i'm occupied with just listening and learning lines, and above all, I don't have to remember 2005.

And if you're coming to Twelfth Night, we're on 3rd on the 27th and 2nd on the 28th. Tickets on sale through school or me if you give me the cash. Don't worry, as much as it's flamboyantly theatrical, it will be noticably lacking in this character:












Another round of Rain \m/, so in the meantime I'm going to do a Paul and leave you with this 2 minute slice of absolute pwnage: Slipknot's Joey Jordison finishing the Disasterpeices show with the most awesome solo. Take it away short one:


Boy can PLAY!

Metal'chard
Playing: Fable
Reading: 'Mister Monday' - Garth Nix
Listening to: 'Rain' - Trivium
Annoyed with: Student Cross
Mood: Evil
Song currently stuck in head: 'Bubbles' - System
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Rain' - Trivium

'chard presents: The Rom-Com Cliché list

Ever noticed ALL romantic comedies are basically the same film? Even Shakespeare knew this when he milked sources for R+J. So, I have here the definitive reference guide to all the codes conventions and clichés of this marvellous genre I am far too susceptible too.

1. Happily Ever After
The guy ALWAYS gets the girl. The girl ALWAYS gets the guy. NO exceptions.

1.1 Happily Ever After?
If it's not made completely clear that it happens, we are always allowed the implication that it does happen that it does happen.

2. The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth
At one point (commonly 2/3rds in) the love interest of the protagonist will be told/find out about the plotting/lies/mistakes of the protagonist. At this point the two will part ways, and the montage in which the two are shown with superb use of subtext and music thinking of each other will be shown. This will indicate a passage of time, at the end of which the protagonist will have come up with a way to win her heart all over again.

2.1 The Course of True Friendship Never Did Run Smooth
If the main character is seen with a man they have been friends with for many years (often since childhood) their differences over the pursuit of the love interest will come between them, and they will argue and spend some time apart, during which a similar montage will be employed.

3. "Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you *Beep*"
There will always be an answer machine in one or the other's apartment/house. One or the other will always leave a message. One or the other will be listening to the message, watching the machine and will not pick up. Nor do they ever call back. (This coincides with the montage within 2 and 2.1)

4. "Where's My Steak Wench?!"
In the unfortunate event that the love interest is taken, the boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancée of the love interest will ALWAYS be a complete ass. They will sleep around, cheat, be abusive or act in other other similar fashion as to make him repulsive. This serves 2 purposes: 1) the audience will hate him and not mind the fact the main character is breaking up a lasting relationship and 2) the love interest has an excuse to leave him when something better (the main character) comes along.

4.1 Timing's a bitch.
The protaganist will not discover the love interest is taken until halfway through asking them out, at which point the rival will appear, say hi, and hug and kiss the love interest.

4.2 Life's a bitch and then you marry one
The love interest is never married. She is between marraiges, single, in a relationship, living with someone, engaged to someone, but NEVER married. How else is the protagonist going to get them?

5. Little privacy here?
The protagonist will ALWAYS have to declare his love for the love interest in front of an entrie room of people. Despite any effort on his part to get away from the people it must happen this way. Whether it's infront of the love interests work colleagues, friends, at a wedding, whatever. The amount of people who hear the confession of love increases the romantic feeling exponentially.

5.1 Mind shutting your ears for this bit?
This crowd will always include the love rival.

5.2 So dumped...
You KNOW that if you tried that in real life you'd be shot down or too tongue tied.

6. What is your parentage?
The love interest will invariably be of a higher social standing than the protagonist

6.1 Dangerous In-Law
The Father of the love interest, unless the main character, will always be a powerful figure, eg a senator, the president, in the CIA or a mobster

7. Bit of old typecasting what, what?
Applies to british films only. I need only say two words: Hugh Grant

8. In Russia, Roms come first, and com comes second...
The film is never funny. There will be 1 laugh out loud moment in the film, the rest mere giggles. You will always however have a sentimental feeling for about 4 days afterwards (depending on the film and susceptibility).

9. Kids say the darndest things...
Kids will always be smarter/funnier than the parent; they are also the key to the romance.

10. The Great Depression.
It never fucking works in real life...

'chard
Playing: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR)
Reading: Nothing
Listening to: 'New Born' - Muse
Annoyed with: Love
Mood: Sentimental, crashing into shit
Song currently stuck in head: 'Tight Rope' - Lacuna Coil
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Infrared' - Placebo

Filler

I've decided to hold today's nerd post off until Thursday, so I can incorporate Wednesday's in as well. So, for filler I thank Helen and Steve:

How does the world see you?
Deep Silent Complete (DJ DKN Remix) - Nightwish (Great. Silent, but irritating version of it)

Will I have a happy life?
It Gets Me Through - Ozzy Osbourne (Well, I'll get by. Cheers...)

What do my friends really think of me?
Roulette- SOAD (What a gamble)

Do people secretly lust after me?
Du Hast (Yeh, you have lusted after me! Or you hate me... cursed phononononyms)

How can I make myself happy?
Live to Tell the Tale - Nightwish (I can't tell if that's ominous or not...)

What should I do with my life?
Pull Harder on the Strings of your Martyr - Trivium (Well, it's an hour i suppose)

Will I ever have children?
Drowned and Torn Asunder- Trivium (Master Anakin, there's too many...)

What is some good advice for me?
Reise, Reise- Rammstein (gotta get out of the house i suppose)

How will I be remembered?
Time is Running Out - Muse (Oh cheerful...)

What is my signature song?
19-2000 - Gorillaz (I am 1981 years old!!)

What do I think my current theme song is?
A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay (Score... i think)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Shiver - Coldplay (Shudders guys? Ta..)

What song will play at my funeral?
Tattered and Torn - Slipknot (Along with my kids I suppose?!)

What type of men/women do I like?
You Can Have It All - Kaiser Chiefs (NOT GAY!!!)

What is my day going to be like?
Come Cover Me - Nightwish (NOT GAY!! NOT GAY!!!)

That thing is sadistic!!!

Ocarina of Charity

Let me start simply by saying:



SHOCK HORROR!

So, yesterday was the both the last day of the Spring Term and the day of the planned Zelda Charity run for Great Ormond Street. Most of the day was spent playing pictionary on Stanton's board and Category Snap. After deciding that the rest of the day was going to be a morbid waste of space and time, Steve Jon and I sped off to respective homes. I then trekked from mine to Rob's where I was greeted by Matt, and I sat and watched along with their adventures.

So, yeh, if you're lost completely, Matt and Rob were planning to complete The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time in under 10 hours and use the funds raised to go to charity. Sorted no? Well, despite the fact OoT has an estimated play time of 80 hours...

Still, I arrived at 2 and a half hours in, and they were almost at Adult Link (which,if you remember, took me 9 hours) and moving along. They even had a camera set up recording the game, as proof (if its needed) that they did in fact complete it in the time they said. A few early shots here:

There the pair and camera

Li'l Link

Rob looking devilish

Quick tea break

Matt, with both hands full had to be fed the strawberry laces. Such determination!

Hmm, actually, 'Li'l Link' may have been a bad caption, since due to the comic nature of the event, they had changed the name of the Hero of Time from Link to:

Over the course of the day more spectators turned up:


Check the organisation!

And so, at the end of the game, the tape was stopped, the sheet was ticked complete, Rob and Matt looked celebratory:


And the challenge came to an end. But, did they make the final 10 hour target?

Yeh, just by a bit!

But wait! As the witness with the camera, I made it my duty to interview the various people and players of this monumentous occasion. These interview tapes are available on request, send a comment or SAE my way.

After that was a celebratory meal with Jon Dave Matt Rob Tom Liam Chris and I, and then the group sans Jon (who had taken off in the Aubergine Avenger)and Chris went to the Railway and enjoyed the sumptuous delights of H2SO4. Or whatever it is.

Today I've spent cleaning my room and painting my Tau for monday. Though I really am getting the urge to go play Zelda...

Night peeps.
'chard

Playing: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II (KOTORII)
Reading: 'Fail'
Listening to: 'Moskau' -Rammstein
Annoyed with: Lowering attention span
Mood: 'mok
Song currently stuck in head: 'Operation Ground and Pound' - Dragonforce
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Tight Rope' - Lacuna Coil