SAVAGES!!!

*pant, wheeze* Yes my friends, I have returned unscathed from the cesspool outside the M25, where savages roam the land en masse, where tribal Witch-Doctors and Shamans conjure fiendish enchantments on the unwary, where satanic rituals and Dungeons and Dragons are performed daily, and where we had a rather cool day out.*
*some of this may be a lie

NOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE AND A REFERENCE TO THE MESSIAH AS A SKELETON FIGHTER/MAGE

I got on a distinctly stupidly timed train (see post below) bound for London Central, and while Jon and I discussed the state of the mobilisation of the forces of Otis, the train trundled merrily along to Clock House, where uponst we met with Dave and his l337 shirt. After a short journey forth, Dave complained of feeling his breakfast fast returning, so we vacated the train to allow Dave some vital medical attention. And, in truly foolish fashion, as the train sped off sans us, Dave then proclaimed he was in fact feeling better. Fool. We had to wait a WHOLE TEN MINUTES for the next train. Shocking. Jon and I spent much of the remaining journey reminiscing about the true awesomeness of the original Command and Conquer games (a value contested by all to be very high). After a while, I decided to descend into the Spectral Plane and use my spirit to attack Dave's psyche. As you can see in the picture, I used an energy blast against him, as well as reaching out to his soul in order to torment it with my uber ghostly l337 skillz

pwnage.

After a quick tube journey, we ended up in Kings Cross where we met a rather irate Lewis who was going on about us being late or some such. We ignored him sufficiently well for Jon to act like a total idiot

Lewis bought the tickets, and we set off on the long journey to Peterborough, sorting out who would be the ultimate movie badass (Vader came close to losing the title to a Predator. After a VERY close match, with some fierce debating and good points raised for both parties, Vader scraped the victory) Also was seen a Shredded Wheat factory

Slightly more worrying was that we passed through the sites of several rather large train disasters. Aside from Kings Cross, we also went through Potter's Bar and Hatfield Stations. Erm...eek anyone?

We got to Peterborough itself (we know, it said) and almost immediatly we saw evidence of savagery in the amounts of chavs that there were, inculding your traditional chavette, one burberry cap, and even burberry armed sunglasses.How does anyone think it looks stylish?
However, we met with Tom and Julia and was led forth into the place, with helpful little tourist guide style information from Tom which detailed the exact place JFK was shot:

and even the headquarters of MI5!!!

Peterborough was fast becoming more exciting! (Note, I really wish i was making that up. That's what he said... and I believed him... T_T) However, my feelings leant back towards savagery when I saw evidence of a recent murder, no doubt perpetrated by a savage gang of tribal warriors armed with flint spears and crude clubs fashioned from the bones of their hunting victims. Like true savages, they had left the body in the street, and when dawn rose, the poor man was found by one of what Julia penned 'the streak of Intelligentsia in Peterborough' and reported the crime. All that was left was the chalk outline...
But there we go. After bartering Dave in exchange for a crossbow at the Corn Exchange

we headed off to the Cathedral, on the way passing a Call to Arms, calling for champions of the town to band together on an epic quest to enter the Dragon King's lair, in a bid to slay the evil Hobbit king Frodo. Though looking at still's for the film 'Green Street'I think someone beat them to it. Frodo got pwned! So, we entered the Cathedral which was a very nice building. Not so nice at Wells Cathedral, which has the coolest clock possible to have, but still nice.


Dave found his new messiah, and bowed down in reverance to his master

We gathered, after looking around, and as we discussed various ecumenical matters, I noticed Julia looking up with a rather puzzlingly scared look on her face. I followed her gaze, as should be done, and had the living sh*t scared out of me. What had i seen? An effigy of Otis at the Last Supper? Church Snipers ready to fire sharpened crucifixes at me? NO, much worse. We had come face to face...

with the FUCKING SCARIEST representation of Jesus Christ I have seen in my years. Look at him!!! I have expected him to fall to the floor, leer at us in his skeletal glory, wielding a cruel scimitar in one hand, whilst charging a fireball with his other! Shary scit...
With this image now burnt into our souls forever, we went outside and perused the local shopping centre, which was vaguely remniscient of Croydon's Whitgift Centre. After a quick browse, we went and ate on the grass in front of the Cathedral. After some good munchies (is there any other kind?) we settled back to play a few rounds of that rather perplexing game that is Mao. Julia, Tom and I were Mao Virgins (as it were) and I had until now not played the game. However, I seemed to pick it up pretty quickly, having known a few rules from simply observing games and I managed to get Dave's rule pretty quickly, though I'm surprised some didn't. But you all now have no idea what I'm on about so I shall move swiftly onwards.

So what could possibly counter the sheer hedonism of a game of Mao? The answer is simple my pedigree chums! And that answer is Laser Force, a slightly less shite version of Quasar. What makes it better?

1. Cool names on the vests. I got Shadow (an homage :P) and Laserblade, which was the closest I'd get to being called Lightsabre
2. Guns that work.
3. More obvious distinction between teams
4. Seriously kick ass rapid fire mode. I mean that PWNED! THis much pwnage in fact. Now that is some pwnage! Case in point: Four of the opposing team are calmly walking down the stairs, which i rather calmly take out one by one (only 8. Can't blame them. >:-D) and a voice loudly proclaims I have this rather uber rapid fire. So, why not be a bitch? All 4 attempt to crouch behind a waist high wall, popping up as and when they see fit. And of course, I'm just happily spraying them with uber laser fire. Pwnage.
   
5. Decent scenery. If you thought Bromley was good, this does some floor wiping. Printer boxes galore! Lexmark was never more useful :D
6. Decent music. No creepy-music-suddenly-bursts-into-r'n'b-shite here. No, Euphoria CD's all the way!

Can't really think of many more. But it was very cool. Hats off to Tom for kicking some serious arse and being a wasp in my ear for most of the second game (until it descended into a face off with both of us on opposite sides of the wall :P) and a nod to the 8 year olds for being such bantha fodder. We walked out, tired, hot and nursing wounds, but we vowed to continue our fight (walk into sunset):

Apres this all, we sauntered around for a bit, walking past Tom and Julia's school (DAMN POSH!!!) and stood outside Julia's house, meeting her dog by association, who seemed to ignore he completely in favour of a tummy tickle from lewis.
We then went to a park, where we indulged in more card games, particularly Trumps which came to fierce single combat between Julia and myself.(I was fighting them all today...) We also played some PDQ, Zip Zap Boing, Bang and spent most of the rest of the time emulating the GymClass video, for some obscure reason. After all this merry japery we walked back to the station, and, after the eventful discovery of the sale of Schloer in cans

We set sail for home, looking sexy as a beast


Final assessment of Peterborough:
Was
Is now

--------------------------------------

I...
..am...
...knackered...

'chard
Reading: Nowt
Listening to: 'Ghost Love Score Live' - Nightwish
Watching: NOT Speed 2
Confused about: Where the stone circles were in Peterborough
Annoyed with: Tiredness and wasps
Mood: Hapyy and sweaty
Favourite Song Of The Moment: 'Stockholm Syndrome Live @ Earls Court'
Song Currently Stuck In Head: 'Black Soul' - Brainfreeze