SHOCK!!!

Yup, get over it mothers! I've been back and finally I get around to filling you in on the last 2 weeks. I do apologise for the last post, both for the vagueness of it and for *THAT* picture, but meh, whaddaya gonna do? So, this post should in theory be rather long, though i may not be as specific as I'd like, since at least for the first week it was rather repetitive, and for the second I didnt actually do much. Couple that with the fact I didnt take many photos of the 2 weeks and the ones I did take will be links since i really cant be fudged to resize them and the fact that the squirrels are about to drop by for their protection money you can see the reason why im making this intro as long as I possibly can, both in length and patience enduring. Which makes no sense. Much like the phrase "come hell or high water". Seriously, what's up with that? I mean, if you say you;re going to do something no matter what, then of course the coming of hell would be something that gets the point across, but high water? How's that gonna stop you? Can you imagine the commitee for phrase creation meeting?

Director "We need a phrase to mean that you'd do something no matter what, and needs to be snappy. Something along the lines of 'I'll be there, even if something or other'"
Exec 1 "What about, 'I'll be there, even if hell comes'"
Director "Hell? I'm intrigued, go on"
Exec 1 "Well, upon Lucifer's fall from grace he established his kingdom as a sort of alternate version of paradise, full of demons, rape and sodomy."
Director "The American Government?"
Exec1 "With less demons"
Director "Great, I like it. But we need something to go with it, something equally as damaging for the hypothetical journey that can't be missed. 'I'll be there, come hell or...'"
Exec 2 "High water?"
Director "High water? How is that damaging?! Get out of my office!!!"
*Exec 2 leaves in disgrace, before ironically drowning in a spilt cup of water*
Director "Anyone got anything sensible?"
Exec 3 "Sir, it's nearly time for coffee"
Director "Phrases can wait!!!"
*After coffee, which was accidentally swapped for Absinthe*
Director "Uuuuuurgh... whash that thing we wash talking bout?"
Exec 2 "Frashes!!! Lotsha phrases!"
Director "Approved! Did i ever tell you *hic* my thing for choir boysh eric?"
Exec 2 "Aaaaaaaaaaaah we're all palsh here"
*And the sordid matter is discussed*

And thus was the matter of the blog distracted from, and I made the overall post even longer by adding that little ditty in. See what I did there? Oh you know it makes sense partner.

"Pearl Harbor sucked.. and I miss you..."

Good song that one. Made all the better being part of a rather amusing motion picture about terrorists, which all people love due to their cuddly nature and wholesome educational techniques. See? The intro is now as long as a normal blog post, so imagine how long this thing is going to be when I'm done! It'll be a monster! Huge!!! Like... l;ike king kong on Peter Jackson's regular diet! Now THAT's massive! Red Dwarf is great isn't it? Comes up with the BEST analogies. "My handshake's less reliable than a plumber's estimate" being one that popped into my head when I awoke this morning. How can you not love such wonderful ditties as these? But I can hear you all wanting me to get to the point, so I shall, with all swift and haste, and after these messages:

"You comfort me, Gimli, and I am glad to have you standing nigh with your stout legs and hard axe"

Forget Sam/Frodo, Legolas and Gimli have an even more 'special' friendship. An I know one person who just collapsed into helpless laughter, but oh well, she does it often enough.

END OF INTRO!!!!!! WOO!! OMGOMGOMGWTFWTFWTFBBQ!!!!111one, and indeed:

---------------------------------------
So, Part one of the Somerset odyssey. New Wine, a convention which to be honest holds no interest for me considering tis more geared towards the adults, but i go for shits and giggles. Plus, for the second time I was working in Gems, the créche thingum for 0-2 year olds. Once again I was a Sapphire... again (two year olds, despite me being 17) but several things were different from last year, most noticably the fact that a) i wasn't forced to spend my week standing at a door telling people to take thier shoes off and b) the shirt's print was now a horrible yellow colour. Ew ew and indeed ew. But more on that later, since work didnt begin on that until the second day we were there. I was on the first day however attacked again by those people that are the female of the species (shock horror) and again my aggressor wielded an eyeliner pencil. Oh dear satan, I was there again...

But yes, Gems. I was actually on a point this year, so i was now responsible (for an hour and a half) for the lives of 2 2 year olds.That's two two, not 22 year olds. Which is just spinkily unclean. Working with a crack team of 4, we fought to stop the kids killing each other and instead turned theri inner aggression against us instead. I had bruises by the end of the week let me tell you... But the team consisted of Angela, a 23 year old who was obviously the head honcho of the pack, who was assisted by the clone of Helen O, who only beat me to the leader post by 8 months more being alive. Then there was me, the all round sex god who oozed lust, charm and sexual desire while carrying it off with an air of my usual modesty for the entire week. Then came Ned (no sign of Ted, sorry Dave :P) a 14 year old who was as all are, and who spent much of the week trying it on with Zoe, a fact I brought up around her for most of the time i saw her, to just generally feck her off really. So that was the Fantastic Four, who were a really cool bunch. Aside from the usual camping nothing really happened, so roll on the photos!
I got a new phone! It looks bland when closed, but tis funky and space age when open!
I finally found Jesus!!!
All thebooty from Gems. A shirt, a mug, a loaf, some biccies and a necklace from my 2 year olds
Some clouds

and so i camehome, to waving flags. After some hasty unpacking I got a chance to relax with the wholesome company that is the duds at the abode of Banfield (now complete with a Gwyn). Much there was in the way of sugary treats, to the point of petty squabbling over said items turned to an arena match where the combatants attempted to best each other in single combat for the prize. Jon fared well, until Dave regained consciousness and pounced. Much combat was also done in the virtual world over tea, crumpets and a Gamecube. Eventually talk and pastimes turned to monopoly, and so the games began. I was eventually teamed with Lewis, who at this time had had Adamantite grafted onto his skeleton and gained miraculous healing abilities and claws.

I looked dashing as always

However, it soon became apparant that team Dave and Steve were steamrollering ahead, much to the dispair of team Jave. Eventually, so much money was in the possession of the players that the bank had run out, so we had to resort to using paper to write up any money we were owed. Eventually, at the leaving of Lewis we calle the game, and all assets were called into hard cash to descide the winner

In first place, Steve and Dave at £10, 567
In second, Dave and Jon at £8186
And then me and lewis...

-

And thus Somerset called again, but now more youth oriented. Not much I can really be facked to say other than i got burnt, went to one meeting and Chris turned 20. Oh, and there were a lot of Goths and Chavs. Go them... ah not really, i loved them all :D Oh, and over this time I read The Lord Of The Rings again! Woo!!!

So, there you go, shock horror and all, but i blogged. Now leave me alone!!!

'chard
Reading: Lord Of The Rings
Listening to: 'America, Fuck Yeah!' - Matt Stone/Trey Parker
Watching: My eyes rapidly droop
Confused about: Being able to toast bread...
Annoyed with: That ONE bit of my hair...
Mood: Kickassingly tired!
Favourite Song Of The Moment: 'Passion and the Opera' - Nightwish
Song Currently Stuck In Head: 'Pearl Harbor Sucked' - Matt Stone/Trey Parker