SAVAGES!!!

*pant, wheeze* Yes my friends, I have returned unscathed from the cesspool outside the M25, where savages roam the land en masse, where tribal Witch-Doctors and Shamans conjure fiendish enchantments on the unwary, where satanic rituals and Dungeons and Dragons are performed daily, and where we had a rather cool day out.*
*some of this may be a lie

NOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE AND A REFERENCE TO THE MESSIAH AS A SKELETON FIGHTER/MAGE

I got on a distinctly stupidly timed train (see post below) bound for London Central, and while Jon and I discussed the state of the mobilisation of the forces of Otis, the train trundled merrily along to Clock House, where uponst we met with Dave and his l337 shirt. After a short journey forth, Dave complained of feeling his breakfast fast returning, so we vacated the train to allow Dave some vital medical attention. And, in truly foolish fashion, as the train sped off sans us, Dave then proclaimed he was in fact feeling better. Fool. We had to wait a WHOLE TEN MINUTES for the next train. Shocking. Jon and I spent much of the remaining journey reminiscing about the true awesomeness of the original Command and Conquer games (a value contested by all to be very high). After a while, I decided to descend into the Spectral Plane and use my spirit to attack Dave's psyche. As you can see in the picture, I used an energy blast against him, as well as reaching out to his soul in order to torment it with my uber ghostly l337 skillz

pwnage.

After a quick tube journey, we ended up in Kings Cross where we met a rather irate Lewis who was going on about us being late or some such. We ignored him sufficiently well for Jon to act like a total idiot

Lewis bought the tickets, and we set off on the long journey to Peterborough, sorting out who would be the ultimate movie badass (Vader came close to losing the title to a Predator. After a VERY close match, with some fierce debating and good points raised for both parties, Vader scraped the victory) Also was seen a Shredded Wheat factory

Slightly more worrying was that we passed through the sites of several rather large train disasters. Aside from Kings Cross, we also went through Potter's Bar and Hatfield Stations. Erm...eek anyone?

We got to Peterborough itself (we know, it said) and almost immediatly we saw evidence of savagery in the amounts of chavs that there were, inculding your traditional chavette, one burberry cap, and even burberry armed sunglasses.How does anyone think it looks stylish?
However, we met with Tom and Julia and was led forth into the place, with helpful little tourist guide style information from Tom which detailed the exact place JFK was shot:

and even the headquarters of MI5!!!

Peterborough was fast becoming more exciting! (Note, I really wish i was making that up. That's what he said... and I believed him... T_T) However, my feelings leant back towards savagery when I saw evidence of a recent murder, no doubt perpetrated by a savage gang of tribal warriors armed with flint spears and crude clubs fashioned from the bones of their hunting victims. Like true savages, they had left the body in the street, and when dawn rose, the poor man was found by one of what Julia penned 'the streak of Intelligentsia in Peterborough' and reported the crime. All that was left was the chalk outline...
But there we go. After bartering Dave in exchange for a crossbow at the Corn Exchange

we headed off to the Cathedral, on the way passing a Call to Arms, calling for champions of the town to band together on an epic quest to enter the Dragon King's lair, in a bid to slay the evil Hobbit king Frodo. Though looking at still's for the film 'Green Street'I think someone beat them to it. Frodo got pwned! So, we entered the Cathedral which was a very nice building. Not so nice at Wells Cathedral, which has the coolest clock possible to have, but still nice.


Dave found his new messiah, and bowed down in reverance to his master

We gathered, after looking around, and as we discussed various ecumenical matters, I noticed Julia looking up with a rather puzzlingly scared look on her face. I followed her gaze, as should be done, and had the living sh*t scared out of me. What had i seen? An effigy of Otis at the Last Supper? Church Snipers ready to fire sharpened crucifixes at me? NO, much worse. We had come face to face...

with the FUCKING SCARIEST representation of Jesus Christ I have seen in my years. Look at him!!! I have expected him to fall to the floor, leer at us in his skeletal glory, wielding a cruel scimitar in one hand, whilst charging a fireball with his other! Shary scit...
With this image now burnt into our souls forever, we went outside and perused the local shopping centre, which was vaguely remniscient of Croydon's Whitgift Centre. After a quick browse, we went and ate on the grass in front of the Cathedral. After some good munchies (is there any other kind?) we settled back to play a few rounds of that rather perplexing game that is Mao. Julia, Tom and I were Mao Virgins (as it were) and I had until now not played the game. However, I seemed to pick it up pretty quickly, having known a few rules from simply observing games and I managed to get Dave's rule pretty quickly, though I'm surprised some didn't. But you all now have no idea what I'm on about so I shall move swiftly onwards.

So what could possibly counter the sheer hedonism of a game of Mao? The answer is simple my pedigree chums! And that answer is Laser Force, a slightly less shite version of Quasar. What makes it better?

1. Cool names on the vests. I got Shadow (an homage :P) and Laserblade, which was the closest I'd get to being called Lightsabre
2. Guns that work.
3. More obvious distinction between teams
4. Seriously kick ass rapid fire mode. I mean that PWNED! THis much pwnage in fact. Now that is some pwnage! Case in point: Four of the opposing team are calmly walking down the stairs, which i rather calmly take out one by one (only 8. Can't blame them. >:-D) and a voice loudly proclaims I have this rather uber rapid fire. So, why not be a bitch? All 4 attempt to crouch behind a waist high wall, popping up as and when they see fit. And of course, I'm just happily spraying them with uber laser fire. Pwnage.
   
5. Decent scenery. If you thought Bromley was good, this does some floor wiping. Printer boxes galore! Lexmark was never more useful :D
6. Decent music. No creepy-music-suddenly-bursts-into-r'n'b-shite here. No, Euphoria CD's all the way!

Can't really think of many more. But it was very cool. Hats off to Tom for kicking some serious arse and being a wasp in my ear for most of the second game (until it descended into a face off with both of us on opposite sides of the wall :P) and a nod to the 8 year olds for being such bantha fodder. We walked out, tired, hot and nursing wounds, but we vowed to continue our fight (walk into sunset):

Apres this all, we sauntered around for a bit, walking past Tom and Julia's school (DAMN POSH!!!) and stood outside Julia's house, meeting her dog by association, who seemed to ignore he completely in favour of a tummy tickle from lewis.
We then went to a park, where we indulged in more card games, particularly Trumps which came to fierce single combat between Julia and myself.(I was fighting them all today...) We also played some PDQ, Zip Zap Boing, Bang and spent most of the rest of the time emulating the GymClass video, for some obscure reason. After all this merry japery we walked back to the station, and, after the eventful discovery of the sale of Schloer in cans

We set sail for home, looking sexy as a beast


Final assessment of Peterborough:
Was
Is now

--------------------------------------

I...
..am...
...knackered...

'chard
Reading: Nowt
Listening to: 'Ghost Love Score Live' - Nightwish
Watching: NOT Speed 2
Confused about: Where the stone circles were in Peterborough
Annoyed with: Tiredness and wasps
Mood: Hapyy and sweaty
Favourite Song Of The Moment: 'Stockholm Syndrome Live @ Earls Court'
Song Currently Stuck In Head: 'Black Soul' - Brainfreeze

Oh god...

It's the holidays...
I have no school...
I got to sleep at 3 last night...
How, in the name of all the things trapped in God's beard, am I awake at 7?
Someone better not tell me it's tomorrow, or there will be pwnage...
And that's a promise...
Don't mess with me, I worked my arse off but I've got W/Summon now
Mwahahaha, just equip that... then I think Bahamut ZERO linked with Quadra Magic... 8 times the hurt... 79,992hp damage...
What about Knights of the Round then? 959,904hp, oh you like that don't you?

I'm tired... dont..mess with me...

Nor should you comment and tell me that you can't link KotR and QuadMag. I KNOW DAMMIT!!! >_<

Hamsters...or are they?

Ugh, rather mundane post this will be. If you missed the grand unveiling of the winner of the sign competition tis on the post below this.

Been a rather dull few days. Well, not really, but i'd really have preferred if they had been, but needs must i guess. Not a fun post so far is it.. hm.

Coupla days'go I went to the Matthouse and grabbed meself the Mp3's of the Muse at Earl's court which are fablusy live and rather pretty darn cool.Been listening to that quite a bit, and it all rocks hard. Spent quite a bit of time at Sa's recently, which onl make sense to be honest, and last night was Jess's mad mad mad mad mad party of nautical piracy themes. So there were pirates. And it was good. THERE WAS JELLY AND ICE CREAM!!! ohmigosh!

Also, anyone attending the Nightwish gig on the 25th may do well to have a peek at the second bit of news (can't seem to get a link straight to it, which is pissy)which is, so i understand is their performance at the Lowlands Festival somewhere in this wide world. (RealPlayer required; crappy).

Runs in this order:

1. The Siren
2. Ever Dream
3. Kinslayer
4. Planet Hell
5. Wishmaster
6. Slaying the Dreamer
7. Nemo
8. Ghost Love Score (homigosh)
9. Wish I Had An Angel
   

Finally, with an evil grin(>:-D), some giggling and a collective 'aww':



MWhahhahahahha!!!

'chard, signing out :P

Reading: Probably His Dark Materials if i get around to it
Listening to: The Nightwish Live thing above
Watching: Pirates of the Caribbean last night
Confused about: Exactly how Hero Quest should work
Annoyed with: The human body's ability to feel tired
Mood: Pretty good
Favourite Song Of The Moment: that one of Chris's I don't know the name of
Song Currently Stuck In Head: N/a

And the winner is...

Yes, indeed. We finally have a winner!

And that winner is:

My brother!!! >:D



Evil bitch ain't i? :P

And the Nominations are:

The panel of judges have decided that entries for the sign competition are now over, and the finalists have been decided. Each contributor has just one representative entry for themselves, chosen by the judges. And here they are:

Steve

Jon

Dave

Fan

/fpoole

Louis


So there we have the finalists. All that remains to be done is decide on the eventual victor, which shall be done hopefully by Friday. So what else goes down in the word of the chardinator? I've recently rekindled my dying affection for Final Fantasy VII, and have spent absolutely shitloads of time levelling up my materia, to the point I have 8 mastered All materia. Which, should i decide to sell will net me a respectable 11,200,000 Gil And I am working on mastering another 4. Which will be 16,800,000. Then I will have 4 more born from those masters... and so on... I will have shed loads.

Also tried playing a sort of D&D Lite earlier, and I will be doing so again tomorrow. Shall get photos.

Peace out playa's
'chard

Reading: A book
Listening to: 'Heaven's A Lie' - Lacuna Coil
Watching: Muse at Live 8. Cheers Louis!
Confused about: Wednesday...
Annoyed with: STILL my hair
Mood: Tired, but raring for some chocobo breeding!
Favourite Song Of The Moment: 'Ghost Love Score' - Nightwish
Song Currently Stuck In Head: 'Fillip' - Muse

Spiderman Away!

Next in our series of insights into the truly violent nature of the console wars, we investigate the totalitarian rule the Playstation 3 has, overlooking the vast plains and battlefields of Pixelia in the shadowy Citadel of Cell.














The Machine itself is incapable of independant communication and utilises Japanese Businessmen Types (JBT) to relay commands. Here you can see them planning their major assault for Spring 2006, when they will implement a missile attack codenamed "Launch Title."














The JBT are unwilling servants of the Great Cell Processer, and as this particular presentation was carried out by a Silver Class he was flanked by 2 White PS3 Sentinels, ready to attack if things got out of hand.














The slave rooms in bowels of the citadel hold countless of Nintendo fanboys, still convinced that the Gamecube "wasn't really all that bad"


























Ruling the roost and commanding the Citadel is the Shadow Black PS2. It vanishes into the background with its stealth technology in much the same way the Dreamcast shouldn't have. It was good dammit!!!














Here we can see this stealth action in...action. The black colouring goes silver, thenwhite in order to blend into what appears to be a Cold Winter blizzard (pun :P)


























Finally, here is a Silver Battle Class PS3, complete with a short range aerial fighter, which fires lasers using Blu-ray technology, white the PS3 unit itself fires Blu-ray discs in much the same fashion as we saw in the Revolution Tank.

Fun no? Sarah would have laughed (got your mention, right here)

Competition Time!!!

That's right! One of you lucky bloggers will be able to win a GLORIOUSly rubbish prize, courtesy of chard enterprizes (geddit?!).

The idea for this came from Stompp, so many kudos to him. How to enter? Easy. I will provide the entrants with the picture of me with the sign, and all you happy clappy crappy chappies have to do is fill in the sign! Jovial no? In about.. i dunno a weeks time I'll put up the cream of the crop. So, go go go and get cracking. Any Q's can be commented, and I shall endeavour to answer.

Terms and conditions apply. Anything saying anthing contradictory to the fact that I rule serious amounts of ass (careful) will not be accepted, and you will be fed to the pigeons :P. "Say, it'll make you insane and it's bending the truth you're to blame for all the life that you'll lose and you watch this space but i'm going all the way and be your slave to the grave I'm the priest god never paid." It's the small print, geddit? :P



Just to give you an idea, here are the two examples of Stompp's that sparked this idiocy



Happy GIMP/photoshop/paintin' :P

A Level Matter

And I'm damn pleased with that, so nuts to any that aren't.

And yes, i do love that picture. Damn handy. Especially so I can do things like this:



Kinky no? :P

EDIT: 'Cave' by Muse fucking rocks

Let the revolution begin!

And so ,with the console wars beginning, Nintendo launch their own sorties with the Nintendo Revolution.Lets have a look at their recent attack plans:

















Horrendous camouflage patterns blind the enemy defenses, while the machines hover capabilities allow it to maneuver over difficult terrain, such as gaps that require a little more than a double-jump














The main cannon fires heavy steel discs at high velocity to destroy enemy positions and cripple artillery fire from such defenses as the Spectrum ZX81, a machine known for crashin many times... into it's target of course.



















The top of the vehicle conceals anti air batteries and memory card ports.













The crap design serves some purpose.. such as to make....erm... enemy consoles and sprites vomit... meh



















On the plus side, at least you can pick it up... and drop it off a balcony.

Next post: the 360

SHOCK!!!

Yup, get over it mothers! I've been back and finally I get around to filling you in on the last 2 weeks. I do apologise for the last post, both for the vagueness of it and for *THAT* picture, but meh, whaddaya gonna do? So, this post should in theory be rather long, though i may not be as specific as I'd like, since at least for the first week it was rather repetitive, and for the second I didnt actually do much. Couple that with the fact I didnt take many photos of the 2 weeks and the ones I did take will be links since i really cant be fudged to resize them and the fact that the squirrels are about to drop by for their protection money you can see the reason why im making this intro as long as I possibly can, both in length and patience enduring. Which makes no sense. Much like the phrase "come hell or high water". Seriously, what's up with that? I mean, if you say you;re going to do something no matter what, then of course the coming of hell would be something that gets the point across, but high water? How's that gonna stop you? Can you imagine the commitee for phrase creation meeting?

Director "We need a phrase to mean that you'd do something no matter what, and needs to be snappy. Something along the lines of 'I'll be there, even if something or other'"
Exec 1 "What about, 'I'll be there, even if hell comes'"
Director "Hell? I'm intrigued, go on"
Exec 1 "Well, upon Lucifer's fall from grace he established his kingdom as a sort of alternate version of paradise, full of demons, rape and sodomy."
Director "The American Government?"
Exec1 "With less demons"
Director "Great, I like it. But we need something to go with it, something equally as damaging for the hypothetical journey that can't be missed. 'I'll be there, come hell or...'"
Exec 2 "High water?"
Director "High water? How is that damaging?! Get out of my office!!!"
*Exec 2 leaves in disgrace, before ironically drowning in a spilt cup of water*
Director "Anyone got anything sensible?"
Exec 3 "Sir, it's nearly time for coffee"
Director "Phrases can wait!!!"
*After coffee, which was accidentally swapped for Absinthe*
Director "Uuuuuurgh... whash that thing we wash talking bout?"
Exec 2 "Frashes!!! Lotsha phrases!"
Director "Approved! Did i ever tell you *hic* my thing for choir boysh eric?"
Exec 2 "Aaaaaaaaaaaah we're all palsh here"
*And the sordid matter is discussed*

And thus was the matter of the blog distracted from, and I made the overall post even longer by adding that little ditty in. See what I did there? Oh you know it makes sense partner.

"Pearl Harbor sucked.. and I miss you..."

Good song that one. Made all the better being part of a rather amusing motion picture about terrorists, which all people love due to their cuddly nature and wholesome educational techniques. See? The intro is now as long as a normal blog post, so imagine how long this thing is going to be when I'm done! It'll be a monster! Huge!!! Like... l;ike king kong on Peter Jackson's regular diet! Now THAT's massive! Red Dwarf is great isn't it? Comes up with the BEST analogies. "My handshake's less reliable than a plumber's estimate" being one that popped into my head when I awoke this morning. How can you not love such wonderful ditties as these? But I can hear you all wanting me to get to the point, so I shall, with all swift and haste, and after these messages:

"You comfort me, Gimli, and I am glad to have you standing nigh with your stout legs and hard axe"

Forget Sam/Frodo, Legolas and Gimli have an even more 'special' friendship. An I know one person who just collapsed into helpless laughter, but oh well, she does it often enough.

END OF INTRO!!!!!! WOO!! OMGOMGOMGWTFWTFWTFBBQ!!!!111one, and indeed:

---------------------------------------
So, Part one of the Somerset odyssey. New Wine, a convention which to be honest holds no interest for me considering tis more geared towards the adults, but i go for shits and giggles. Plus, for the second time I was working in Gems, the créche thingum for 0-2 year olds. Once again I was a Sapphire... again (two year olds, despite me being 17) but several things were different from last year, most noticably the fact that a) i wasn't forced to spend my week standing at a door telling people to take thier shoes off and b) the shirt's print was now a horrible yellow colour. Ew ew and indeed ew. But more on that later, since work didnt begin on that until the second day we were there. I was on the first day however attacked again by those people that are the female of the species (shock horror) and again my aggressor wielded an eyeliner pencil. Oh dear satan, I was there again...

But yes, Gems. I was actually on a point this year, so i was now responsible (for an hour and a half) for the lives of 2 2 year olds.That's two two, not 22 year olds. Which is just spinkily unclean. Working with a crack team of 4, we fought to stop the kids killing each other and instead turned theri inner aggression against us instead. I had bruises by the end of the week let me tell you... But the team consisted of Angela, a 23 year old who was obviously the head honcho of the pack, who was assisted by the clone of Helen O, who only beat me to the leader post by 8 months more being alive. Then there was me, the all round sex god who oozed lust, charm and sexual desire while carrying it off with an air of my usual modesty for the entire week. Then came Ned (no sign of Ted, sorry Dave :P) a 14 year old who was as all are, and who spent much of the week trying it on with Zoe, a fact I brought up around her for most of the time i saw her, to just generally feck her off really. So that was the Fantastic Four, who were a really cool bunch. Aside from the usual camping nothing really happened, so roll on the photos!
I got a new phone! It looks bland when closed, but tis funky and space age when open!
I finally found Jesus!!!
All thebooty from Gems. A shirt, a mug, a loaf, some biccies and a necklace from my 2 year olds
Some clouds

and so i camehome, to waving flags. After some hasty unpacking I got a chance to relax with the wholesome company that is the duds at the abode of Banfield (now complete with a Gwyn). Much there was in the way of sugary treats, to the point of petty squabbling over said items turned to an arena match where the combatants attempted to best each other in single combat for the prize. Jon fared well, until Dave regained consciousness and pounced. Much combat was also done in the virtual world over tea, crumpets and a Gamecube. Eventually talk and pastimes turned to monopoly, and so the games began. I was eventually teamed with Lewis, who at this time had had Adamantite grafted onto his skeleton and gained miraculous healing abilities and claws.

I looked dashing as always

However, it soon became apparant that team Dave and Steve were steamrollering ahead, much to the dispair of team Jave. Eventually, so much money was in the possession of the players that the bank had run out, so we had to resort to using paper to write up any money we were owed. Eventually, at the leaving of Lewis we calle the game, and all assets were called into hard cash to descide the winner

In first place, Steve and Dave at £10, 567
In second, Dave and Jon at £8186
And then me and lewis...

-

And thus Somerset called again, but now more youth oriented. Not much I can really be facked to say other than i got burnt, went to one meeting and Chris turned 20. Oh, and there were a lot of Goths and Chavs. Go them... ah not really, i loved them all :D Oh, and over this time I read The Lord Of The Rings again! Woo!!!

So, there you go, shock horror and all, but i blogged. Now leave me alone!!!

'chard
Reading: Lord Of The Rings
Listening to: 'America, Fuck Yeah!' - Matt Stone/Trey Parker
Watching: My eyes rapidly droop
Confused about: Being able to toast bread...
Annoyed with: That ONE bit of my hair...
Mood: Kickassingly tired!
Favourite Song Of The Moment: 'Passion and the Opera' - Nightwish
Song Currently Stuck In Head: 'Pearl Harbor Sucked' - Matt Stone/Trey Parker

Croque Monsieur!!!

Unfortunately I leave for Somerset (again), so im going to just give you my selection of photo's from france (look at Jon's for the write up) and some links that had me in tears. See you back soon for a proper blog.

Chris chats up his dream date
Dover Departure Terminals are rather stingy with seating arrangements
I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!
They also speak Swahili with a Japanese accent
..oh and I suppose they cook as well
Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me
Chris Champion, a happy happy man (part 1)
Gavin, the Evil English/French Halfbreed Waiter
Wanna have sex on a beach... well, no that was the next day...
Fortunately for Chris, some swans are rather game for it...
Bet they have a bitch of a time doing Medusa
A place to go if my puns aren't bad enough
"Baby you're all that I want, when you're lyin' here in my arms, I'm findin' it hard to believe, I'm in heaven"
Nothing abnormal about this shop
Rowan's Oedipal side expressed in makeup pens
Kids, don't do AS level drama. Just say NO!
If you though the last picture wasn't enough pimping :P
Mallory Clone X-C(-)@rD
Though they do a great line in crack cocaine (pun intended)
Mallory, shortly before crucifiction
Joyriding at the Aquarium. Bloody Haddocks...
Looking back, I should never have disproved gravity...
Less king of the world, but DAMN did i own those 4 yr olds on the swings...
They do half price on Big Macs on 9/11 as well
Pirates rock. Just ask maddox.
Chris decides to catch the 119 back to Bromley
Where's an orc when you need one?

And that was france in a nutshell. Ok, now for the links:

Engrish Films!

Fellowship of the Ring
The Two Towers
Episode III: The Backstroke of the West

Sorry for this, i'll be back with a bigger post soon. Thanks all

'chard