January 31, 2005

The Literary Grapes (of Wrath?)

I've set myself another challenge, again when it comes to books. You may remember the lovely battle Teradud and I had a while back that entailed us being the first to read all the Harry Potter books. Well, having won that, and with Winter-Een-Mas now fully over, I felt it was worth my while setting myself a worthwhile challenge in the literary world. It had to be doable, while still a slight challenge, so until the deadline of 11:59pm June 5 (the second before I turn 17) I have charged myself to read these books:
  1. Princess Diaries 1-6
  2. Sabriel, Lirael and Abhorsen
  3. All Harry Potter books
  4. The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy
  5. Gormenghast (Curse you nonnesuch!!!)
Which totals to 21 books in a six month period (if starting at the start of 2005, which i kinda, you know, did).

So far, I have read about 2 thirds of Sabriel, so I need to give myself a hard shove forward, considering the size of the rest of those books. My plan is then to spend the rest of tonight finishing Sabriel, so I have February free to do Lirael and Abhorsen, leaving Harry Potter to March and half of April, LOTR through April and Gormenghast rounding off May and the start of June nicely.

That schedule is rather tight looking at it, but since i get out of school about 2 most days, I have a heck of an afternoon in which to spend reading. It may even curb my internet addiction, which can only be a good thing.

-

Keeping on the theme of literature, I had a bit of a brainstorm earlier (how politicaly incorrect! Apparantly i just made fun of epileptics. Gotta love political correctness...). The results can be presented here, in true Slightly 'chard style (read, big titles and really boring contents.)

'Chard's List of Favourite Literary Characters!!!

Hello, hello and welcome to 'It's a Tree'. So, welcome to my list of favourite fictional literary characters. Exceptions of the form 'he-ain't-from-a-book-you-swizz' will have one of these stylish things next to it ---->*

So, without any further ado:
This guy had to be on the list. You will notice that a lot of the list is in fact the evil characters, but then again, isn't the villain always the best character? And when it comes to evil, this guy has it in spades. I mean, look at the guy! Kill ya soon as look at you! And he's practically the main character!!! He climbs the ranks of nobility through death and destruction, kills most of the characters, then does a Phantom on us. It's like the American Dream all over again! (Well, Bush's) Gotta get that series on DVD. BBC shop here i come!
My second on the list, the One-Winged Angel himself! Anyone who knows me well enough should hardly need this one explained. Seriously gothic dress code, silver hair (anime fans should get that one) small eyes (and again), and what a sword! If it weren't for this guy, I'd have no wish for omnipotency. This guy is Steerpike with elegance, grace, power of a God, and a serious problem when it comes to a state of psychosis. How many other video games have spent you building up your love for one of the characters, (NOTE: If you have so wierd aversion to platelets, no matter how well drawn, look at your own discretion. Don't come crying to me.) only to have the villain do this to 'em? This guy is an evil bugger! Look for him in the upcoming DVD release 'Final Fantasy VII Advent Children', where he thankfully undergoes a serious graphical redux, going from this to this. Drool...
  • Voldemort - Harry Potter (how shite did they make him look?)
Yeh see the pattern emerging? Why do I like this guy? To be honest, he pales in comparison to the above, but his evilness isn't what I like about him, more his sophistication (or percieved sophistication). He's the sort of guy you can imagine sitting in a manor with a glass of wine, in a very Dracula-esque setting. Evil is one thing, evil with eloquence can only be better. Which leads onto:
Getting the idea yet? I like evil. 'nuff said on this guy, had enough films made on him to make Christopher Lee's head spin. Though, that picture is from Vampire Hunter D. Should really watch that someday...
Sorry about the picture, but there was no way in hell Orlando was going up. EDIT: thanks to HALO, you now have Orlando. This one stems not from my love of evil, but my love of the Elves. How cool were these guys? Besides the archery skills and the uber-cool second age swords, these guys just sweated elegance! If I were but taller and thinner... ah well...
  • Lilly Moscovitz - The Princess Diaries
If we're going on characters who border the psychotic, she has to be on the list. THis woman is the most insufferable person I have ever read, and could annoy for England. Yet somehow, she's still a good character. Yeh, so she's from a book for giiiiiiiiiiirls, sue me.
Ok, getting silly now, but this guy was indestructable for Christ's sake!!!

Has anyone noticed how much he looks like Dudley D. Watkins? (he drew for the Beano and the Dandy. I think he actually came up with Desperate Dan...)

So there we go. Better get reading...

Happy Winter Een Mas, and to all a good game!
Fallen Valmar

January 30, 2005

Egotistical - Egg Testicle...

Anytime anyone is feeling like they're all alone in their problems (or lack thereof), I highly recommend the 'Ego Search'. Not a long investigation into the whereabouts of some celebrities I could mention (but won't since I'm too tired to think of any), but more a bolstering of the soul, a reaffirmation of your (or more likely your namesake's) nessacary purchase on life. And true, it may not actually help true problems that are rooted deep in the psyche of your mother (Freudian analysis) it can at least raise a snigger, which is a really damn good remedy for mending things such as the need to sleep off an unintended almost-all-nighter (7 in the morning is close enough right?) due to a worry that:
  • Your 'other' might be strategically ignoring you
  • Mia Thermopolis and Michael Moscovitz might actually have sex...
  • Lilly Moscovitz might display a small sign of sanity, which would of course throw the fabric of my own sanity into question
  • I misread the fact that the sixth book actually mentions Final Fantasy...
Still, the ego search is great for that sort of thing. So, without any further ado or long words, I shall give you the pick of my parallels (well, the successful one's, not the unidentified dead ones)

Results of Richard Stewart's Ego Search

Google - 6,090,000 results

The Richard Stewart Nursery Centre!
My interest in signal transduction in micro-organisms explained
The Lutheran Theological Seminary at Philidelphia
Shippensburg University Biology Department
Organ player! Goes with the Lutheran thing!
Leper Priest of Moloka'i! Writing is in the name!

I think that's enough for Google, we could be here for days. Yahoo? Or Yahoo! even...

Yahoo! - 4,160,000 results

Sagars Consulting IT Department!
Oh dear lord man, get rid of that 'tache!
OH MY GOD I'M I NERD!!! Cool!

I'll leave it at that I think. Though, you can look for more if you really want a laugh, but you won't actually find ME there.

If you want an amazement, do a Google Image Search for Sarah Browncross. And be perplexed!

January 27, 2005

A Few Good Days

I apologise for not posting since Friday, and I shall now attempt to rectify that.

Friday finished in a spectacularly surreal manner, in the company of most of the lovely people that frequent Baz's Saturday morning hangover posts. I didn't drink that much to be totally fair. At leat not enough to forget how much I actually had had, which was, in vague chronological order:
  1. 3 Cans of Stella Artois (500ml i think)
  2. 1 Smirnoff Ice (1.5 units (UK))
  3. 3 gulps of Red Square (Vodka. I think I'd lost my rationality at this point...)
  4. 2 gulps of loganberry Red Square, kindly stolen
  5. 1 can of Strongbow
So yes alcohol, bad, nasty alkane containing a C-C single bond with that -OH functional group on the end. Don't do drugs kiddies!

-

Wednesday was a rather interesting day, at least as far as that curricular establishment of education was concerned. In need of photos for my media (meeja) coursework, and the need to have them in a school environment, i took my camera into school! A serious breach of security that those dastardly militants may take advantage of, but at least it meant I got some nice (if exceedingly blurry) pictures of my day.

Period 1 I met Lewis, who informed me for the first time that he had a free period then. So much for the last term of me skulking off to the library, the dastards. I went with them into the Hall, were some geography sprogs were being registered before going off on some 'educational trip'. If it was anything like the ones we used to have, i laugh at them heartily. Like this in fact : Hahaha!

Up onstage (though I don't have Drama on a wednesday, we just 'hang out' and 'chill' there) I sat and watched them work for a while, happily munching on some Altoids and sharing them around. See, I'm a kind, generous sort me! A little bored, despite the scintillating chat regarding chemistry or whatever it was they were talking about, I decided to take the joke of the small, round pill-like Altoids looking like hard drugs that stage further, employing Nonnesuch's compass for the task. The result was a new brand of peppermint ectasy tablet.

We then started to play a nice friendly game of 'hin und zuruck der fluss', or as it is more commonly known 'up and down the river'. I dealt the first hand, and then spectacularly managed to get only 3 points. Chiz. The second hand was dealt, and I had a terrible hand, with no trumps and seriously low cards. Pessimistically, i voted for 0 tricks, and actually managed to adhere to that, scoring 10 lovely points. Still lagging behind though, Dan dealt the third hand, and this one was no better, but at least i got 10 points from my negativity.

Then came the all important 1 card round. I apologise for the severity of the next few pictures' blurriness, Stompp -_-.

Lewis was ready with his 8 of clubs...
Dan seemed confident with his 7 of hearts...
Picard- erm, Dave seemed a little worried, despite having the King of Spades...
The 5 of hearts seemed adequate for Sanjay...
Oliver hid timidly behind his Jack of Clubs...
But what did i have?

Dan won, but had bet he'd lose. Dave was the opposite, so neither got points! Haha!

After 4 more hands, the final score sheet, which also is the least blurred photo I've taken for yonks.

Me an Lewis then played Spit, a great game which was tense throughout, until the lesson ended and we had to go to 2nd. I managed to kick his posterior rather liberally though! Look how big his pile was!

The rest of the day wasn't as fun after that, except for an hour of Billy Elliot in Film.

-

Today was GREAT!!!! And no hyperbole there at all, it was GREAT!!! I went into drama, as is usual of a Thursday morning, and sat with the rest of our group, chatting on such lovely topics as the Meeja coursework and Human Anatomy For Beginners.

STOP PRESS : I just ate the last Altoid, the one with the E.

Then, Miss Rampton came in and said that, since today was the 60th anniversary of the Auschwitz liberation, that there was an assembly for year 9 during period 3, and that the planned dramatic piece from year 10 was not a possibility, due to 2 of their number being convieniently ill. And, our drama group was roped in to make a piece on the Holocaust in little over 2 hours, which meant i missed both Eng Lit and meeja! Huzzah!!!

And the performance itself was good! I don't know why, but i found it less nervewracking to perform to half a year group than 30 adults. Maybe because none of my family were there. Or maybe its that confidence thing I've heard so much about... pfft, whatever.

And in Film, we got to see those irritating f*ckwitted sprogs again!

Boy: (In the most irritating Queen's English you've ever heard, and in one heck of a bratty tone) "Well, tomorrow's MY birthday, and I want to go to the Circus, and tomorrow is NOT Margaret's birthday, but she wants to go to the pantomime"

Margaret: (Dull, monotonous, dont-give-a-shit voice, still in Queen's english. The sort of voice that could easily trigger mass genocide) "My birthday's in June, and there aren't any pantomimes in June"

Someone PLEASE find me a wav. of those lines! It's from the David Lean film 'Brief Encounter'

Well that is all. Enjoy yourselves! I won't, i have 2 hours of Bugsy Malone rehearsals in an hour, and some lovely rain to walk through. Hopefully it'll drive off the chavs...

January 21, 2005

And now for something completely different

Cue 'Liberty Bells'.

Yes, today i am actually going to do a blog post... about my day! A journal that actually is used for decribing ones activity, that I may look back when i am an OAP and Godzilla spends his time battling Oracle Smith and remind myself of my mispent youth.

First off, a slight warning. You may have heard of that false prophet known only as 'The Juggle King'. Self proclaimed monarch, or misguided fool? I can show you the true l337 one of the juggle world:

The Juggle Diety!

What's that? You doubt my power? Then observe...as I make the ball in my hand.. LEVITATE!!!

Oh the risibility.

-

I woke today, as usual with my alarm clocks beeping at me incessantly. After dragging myself from my Mausoleum of Pain (at least for material items...) I walked to school, and got mesel' registered. With that done, i went home again! Fun no? I stopped off at Wendy's on the way for a Ribena and a chat (there you go Louis, I'll do the chicken shop, you do a caff!) and entered my domicile.

I hung around for a while, then at 10 30, showered and vaguely clean, i set off again, but with 2 new items on my person:
  1. Geoffrey Chaucer's 'The Miller's Tale'
  2. My digital camera (expect photos later!)
I went immediately to English, only to find that Rob wasn't there. He'll turn up later in the post. I sat, and waited. Eventually Mr Jones entered, and set us a translation exercise. We had to work out what the Miller was like from the General Prologue's description of the Miller. This was no easy feat however. See if you can spot why we might have had difficulty.
NB: All spellings are as printed in the book. No complaints!

The Portrait of the Miller

From The General Prologue, Lines 547-68

The Millere was a stout carl for the nones ;
Ful big he was of brawn, and eek of bones.
the proved wel, for over al ther he cam,
At wrastlinge he wolde have alwey the ram.
He was short-soldred, brood, a thikke knarre ;
ther was no dore that he nolde heve of haree,
Or breke it at a renning with his heed.
His berd as any sowe or fox was reed,
And therto brood, as though it were a spade.
Upon the cop right of his nose he hade
A werte, and theron stood a toft of heris,
Reed as the brustles of a sowis eris ;
His nosethirles blake were and wide.
A swerd and bokeler bar he by his side.
His mouth as greet was as a greet forneys.
He was a janglere and a goliardeys,
And that was moost of sinne and harlotries.
Wel koude he stelen corn and tollen thries ;
And yet he hadde a thombe of golde, pardee.
A whit cote and a blew hood wered he.
A baggepipe wel koude he blowe and sowne,
And therwithal he broghte us out of towne.

After painstaking translation, the general idea is that the Miller is the medieval equivalent of this chap

The exercise was not helped by the fact i had a great view out of the door's window at the board of Mr. Hughes' lesson, where they got to watch Return of the King, the lucky beggars!

So, that lesson ended, and in the hall I met Nick and Rob, the latter of whom I berated severely for his lack of presence during English. We then went up to the woods by the hockey pitches, that is Tom, Nick, Rob, some guy i know not and I. There, we found not only a delapidated old bath, but also a terribly damaged N64! In WEMas as well... Nick, Tom and Rob then engaged in several non-legal activities involving trees (Though none of them are active hippies) of which i took several film clips.

We headed back, and had some lunch, were i was joined by Rob Dave Andrew and Jon. We went out past the music block only to hear the rather loud sound of rotors overhead. After looking around, we found the culprit. A hum turned to a roar when the pilot had the stupendous idea of landing.

Why, oh why, did anyone think it was a t'riffic idea to land a £4 million dollar RAF Chinook helicopter onto the sports field of a public school in the middle of Beckenham, during lunchtime?

Good idea or not, that's what the fool did. Still, it made a change i suppose.

THen i made a realisation as the crew disembarked. Those militants I fought in the Glades had had enough time to regroup, and it was indeed them! However, they were all put down by superbly placed snipers and the Chinook, whilst attempting to escape was destroyed by a stray coke can that entered the air intakes. Ah well.

Still, there was much cheering as the real star attraction arrived!

And that was my day! It still has 9 hours remaining of it, which i will no doubt spend doing something.

Aloha
'chard Chicken

Playing: EyeToy: Play 2
Reading: Sabriel
Listening to: 'Wishmaster' - Nightwish
Watching: Collateral
Annoyed with: Not much
Confused about: Chinooks and sports fields
Mood: Happy!
Song currently stuck in head: 'Followed the Waves' - Melissa Auf Der Maur
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Followed the Waves' - Melissa Auf Der Maur

January 20, 2005

What is happening to me?

Something is going on...Sephiroth...Gormenghast...Vampires...Nightwish...And now Melissa Auf Der Maur?

Whats next? Black mascara, spiked hair, leather coats, manic depression and ritualistic self harm?

I've already managed a cheerfully melancholic aloofness...

I've developed the obsession with fantasy...

I've developed almost fetishistic levels of love for swords...

I seriously crave omnipotency...

I want to be a Winter Elf or Drow for christ's sake!

I still believe that the coolest Elf in existance (give or take) is Drizzt Do'urden

I love the rain...

...if this were quizilla, i could predict the answer already...

"You are a... GOTH!"

Freaky deaky... :-P

January 18, 2005

OK boys...as it rolls past.... JUMP!!!

The title is a actiony version of me jumping onto a few bandwagons.

1. Name: Richard "BANE OF DESTRUCTOR FISHTM" Stewart
2. What colour pants are you wearing now? Black and black, gothic slacks! Woo for rhymes!
3. What are you listening to right now? The Kinslayer - Nightwish
4. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number? 90, 79 or 33
5. What was the last thing you ate? Lasagne
6. If you were a crayon what colour would you be? Red, or black. Black is cool. THough im not sure about the whole deal with the waxy complexion...
7. How is the weather right now? Dark, and cloudy. Mmm! Rain!
8. Last person you talked to on the phone? Ah jeez, i tihnk it was Chris...
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? OMFG j00 r t3h sex0rz! And of course, i would love to woo you slowly over a long period, before asking your father for your hand, then cutting it off and keeping it in a glass box...
10. Do you like the person who sent you this? Everyone sent a copy of it. THis copy i stole :P
11. How are you today? Jubilant! With ribena!
12. Favourite alcoholic drink? Anything i can get my hands on that when mentioned will make McDaveMC cringe
13. Favourite sport/s? Does ritual pwnage count?
14. Hair colour? Blonde, and really aggravating
15. Eye colour? Skin coloured. Eyelids arent that coloured..
16. Do you wear contacts? I have 73 contacts, how am i going to wear them?!
17. Siblings, and their ages: 2 brothers, 2 and 19, and 3 sisters, 2, 2 and 19.
18. Favourite month? November. 11.11.11!
19. Favourite Foods? Edible types
20. Last movie you watched: Erm... a bit of 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'
21. Favourite day of the year? None specific. Unless the 3 LOTR becomes annual!
22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? Yes i was. She had to prod me into it.
23. Summer or winter? No, Richard
24. Hugs or Kisses? Whatever i can get......oops
25. Relationships or One Night Stands? Relationships. Since thats all i know of.
26. Are you in a relationship? Many. My family, my friends, that wierd oxford person who seems to like me :)
27. Chocolate or Vanilla? I hope that isn't a euphamism for racial identity m'lad.
28. Do you want your friends to write back? How? Its a blog!
29. Who is most likely to respond? Whoever can be bothered to comment
30. Who is least likely to respond? Santa. Always a printed letter isnt it?
31. What books are you reading? Sabriel, and not doing well.
32. Favourite Band? Nightwish
33. What are you gonna do tonight? Sleep
34. Favourite smells? Petrol, glue... ooooooooh dear
35. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Can I? Heck, I can get my tongue up my nostril! Must get a photo of that :P
36. Buttered, Plain, or Salted Popcorn? Salt
37. Favourite car? The Auricom team car from Wip3out
38. Favourite flower? Petal
39. How many keys on your key ring? 3, House, house, locker
40. Can you juggle? Getting there....
41. Favourite day of the week? Friday
42. Red or white wine? White
43. What did you do for your last birthday? Nothing. Got a hug from sarah!!! Best-present-ever!

Proper post coming soon, i SWEAR!!!

January 14, 2005

Winter-Een-Mas

Wow, over a week! But then, it just means I have more material for the post!

'tis January! And this means only 1 thing... Winter-Een-Mas is upon us! What is WEMas though? Well, I cna't be moosed to type it out, so click that previous link.

So what has my WEMas consisted of so far?

'chard WEMas games (and opponents/comrades, where applicable)


Burnout3 - Sarah (12/4)
Fallout Brotherhood of Steel - COMPLETED
Frequency - Sarah (3/0)
Grandia II - COMPLETED
Heli Attack II
Hogs of War - Sarah (1/0)
Mashed - Ed (13/7)
Mortal Kombat Deception - YET TO PLAY
Patience - 14 wins
Pyramids - 2 wins
Rumble Roses (Demo) - 2 wins by pin
Scrabble - Family (1 lose)
Wip3out - Sarah (2/0)
Worms 2 - Dave and Jon (2 losses)

and nonnesuch, don't complain. You;re hardly Peter the Perfect Poster!

Or even 'Peter Perfect, the Perfect Priest'...

January 01, 2005

2005: The new 2004

I really need to work on my titles. The last two have been distinctly preppy...

Onto my New Years Celebration. May I ask of you all one favour? If you have not read Teradud's post yet, I advise you read this first. It is distinctly less terrific, and I would hate to have to follow that class act of his.

And yes, there are pictures.

My New years was spent at the house of the Miss Jessica, girlfriend of my brother Chris. After some randomness involving a quiz which made no sense to me, There were the obligatory party games (twister was a disaster on my part), food (pasta. Only ate it becuase it seemed a waste to throw it all away), Shrek 2, and of course, what every party cannot do without, Mark, who looked suave as always. Muchos fun was generally had all round, and I saw quite a few people whom I hadn't seen for quite some time, such as Sophie, Ben, Vicky and even the back of Debbie's head, for a rather obscure reason.

More fun was had from seeing people I'd never seen before. Which of course was all madness. Such peoples included SheWhoseNameIKnewNot (bottom left by the way. The main person be Jess...) Lucy, my feet, and Sarah's daemon-possessed alter-ego. Nevertheless, the evil presence was countered by Sarah's angelic side siding with my tired side .

After midnight and sleep, breakfast was eaten! The many hoorays!

I'll stop there, this post is getting terrible.

Happy Winter-Een-Mas