10 Things You're About To Wish I'd Never Told You About Sarah
OR
10 More Things Sarah Will Use In Court As Evidence of my Caddishness
- Sarah currently owns at least 4 items of clothing that are mine. She steadfastly refuses to return them.
- Sarah's late 2004/early 2005 dying of the hair was indirectly my fault. I told her I liked black hair. Oops
- Sarah was the second person to ever beat me on Soul Calibur II purely through button-mashing tactics. The first was some wanker I played with 3 months before the game was released who thought Guarding was an attack. Arse...
- Sarah was the first person I ever cooked for, and once she got out of hospital was kind enough to tell me what I shouldn't have done.
- Sarah managed to completely out geek me when she bought and ran her own D+D game.
- Sarah is also a selfconfessed Star Trek TNG fan. By which I mean I had to spend 40 minutes in her room waiting for the episode she was watching to finish before she even said hello to me.
- Sarah is of course a strict vegetarian. I'm sure we all remember the furore at BBQ1. I managed to convince her for 5 minutes that there was nothing to eat at my brothers party, telling her mum was rubbing the lettuce in bacon fat. Sarah's reply of "What? Why would she do that?" caused a lot of giggling, and an addition of a label to the table stating "Lettuce: Rubbed in fat".
- Sarah stated in this post of hers that I was late turning up. She punished me by taking me shopping. I never learnt.
- Sarah tonight discovered in her drawers (careful) an old valentines card she never sent me. Had to be from about the time we first met, she didn't spell my name right.
- Sarah claims to know everything there is to know about me. Unfortunately I can't say the same. Much as I love me, I never take much of an interest.
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Many of you many know or be aware that I am a total Final Fantasy freak. I've owned/played all the games I can, I've got most of the soundtracks, I can even say I saw The Spirits Within on its first day of release and have a fansub of Advent Children. And if you didn't know that then now you do. Looking over my old blogs it was customary to do some random reviews of new things (my Gothika review (April 2nd) still rings true today), so I'm going to bore EVERYONE by saying a few words about all the FF's! AREN'T YOU LUCKY?!! (stop crying at the back there)
Final Fantasy
Ah, the first and original! 1987, the golden summer, with Squaresoft on the very brink of bankruptcy! Hironobu Sakaguchi pumped out this NES classic and history was made! Ok, so it was a D'n'D rip, the graphics became dated pretty quickly and it was harder than a cast-iron skinhead, but it was a start, and more importantly it sold! Pity that Amano-san's wonderful character artwork became pretty clunky in the change to sprites, but with an 8-bit console whaddyagonnado?
Pros
The first, and gameply/storywise is still pretty farkin' decent.
It's all there, EXP, HP, GP and Uematsu-san's Ahead on our Way, still a breathtaking theme
The Sprite Comic 8-Bit Theatre
Cons
The NES version looks dog and has some serious annoyances. Like your characters trying to attack thin air...
OTHER sprite comics.
As nails. Level grinding was just not fun.
Final Fantasy II
Ah yes, the inevitable sequel. Problem was, this game has one SERIOUS flaw, which marred an otherwise decent title. It's stat system was shite. Essentially, to make a stat better, you use it more. So, want to get stronger? Swing that sword baby! Want to be more accurate? Use that bow! Want to not get the shit kicked out of you? Get the shit kicked out of you anyway, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger right? OK, I suppose it sounds logical on paper, but in practise... urgh. When I relented and gave the game a chance I spent at least 2 soli hours killing my own team just so they'd have enough HP to live! That said, the game is ok, the story is VERY dark (i believe a contributing factor in its lack of US release) with suporting characters getting killed left right and centre (some pretty nastily at that). Just seriously hampered by that LVL system
Pros
Your characters talk?! Wow, I thought Light Warriors had their voiceboxes altered at birth...
Better graphics (NES didnt change MUCH, but the sprites looked prettier)
Chocobos!!! ^_^ (fanboy drooling)
Cons
ARG THAT FUCKING LEVEL UP SYSTEM WAS SHIT!!! ARRRRRRRG!!!
Still turn based, and still with those swings at midair!
Final Fantasy III
Ah, our last outing on the NES. This one was cool though. Not released outside of Japan (though it is due for a release on the DS, another reason for me to get one hehe) it was however far better than it's predecessors. Story was solid, and we got our first taste at a basic Job system. Essentially, your characters could change what they were good at. Don't wasnt him to be a knight? Make him a mage. Your party got no healer? He can be a white mage then. Ok it had some flaws, but it worked. And yes, I have played it. Not legally, but then noone this side of Russia has either. We're fanboys, we can do what we like!
Pros
Job system! Fwee!
Again, better graphics, and a character sprite count through the roof.
Those nice men at Squaresoft have another good story for you!
Cons
Still not out here. I want it dammit!
Back to the static 4 member party. Bit more character variety would have been nice.
Still NES. Urgh...
Final Fantasy IV
Ah finally they hit 16bit with the SNES! Well, in theory... the graphics are still a little less than groundbreaking, colours a little faded... and the main character is called Cecil?! Cecil the dark knight... oooooh SCARY!!! Ahem anyway, yeh so again, the story was good, all sorts of political upheaval and warfare overcome by friendship and love. Once again we're on a tale of 4 elemental crystals, but no matter. And we finally get our ATB system! Ah battles were never the same again! This one was again released in the US, and thankfully so, as it led to possibly the most INFAMOUS moment of engrish ever. Imagine the scene, an old man has witnessed the death of his daughter, and her ineffectual bard of a fiance did nothing to save her.In his rage, this old man, one of the most powerful spellcasters in the land, launches himself into a fight with said bard. In his rage, he shouts a breathtakingly harsh insult: "YOU SPOONY BARD!!!" And, no. I didn't make that up.
Pros
Huzzah! 16 bit!
ATB!
Spoony!
Edge, coolest ninja until FFVI
Cons
I thought it was 16 bit...
Cecil... snigger!
Final Fantasy V
16 bit is getting there! Again, this one suffers from a small few problems regarding character names (Bartz? Ugh) Still, this was THE game of 1993. Superb story, badly acted in places, with that AWESOME job system now fixed and the most versatile system before or so far since, and above all... Faris... mmm.... even if her real name IS Salsa... snigger... and you got Gilgamesh, the best comic relief character, cos not only was he dangerous, his battle theme was awesome. Better than Ultros anyday.
Pros
Faris...
Job system! A knight that can summon! Oh yes oh yes!
ATB!!!
Cons
Still pixels. Dated nowadays
Bartz just left Boko in front of that cave!!! Heartless!
Final Fantasy VI
Ok, it's good Squaresoft adressed the whole 'only 4 characters' thing, but 14?!!! No way can anyone keep track of them. This one i found rather dull. Ok everyone else considers it a masterpeice, but i just couldnt follow it at all. too many characters too little time. But, they did finally have a female main character, who was cool at that. And they surpassed Edge's title of coolest FF ninja by including Shadow. Who rocked. And thy finally had a REALLY cool antagonist in Kefka, who loked like a clown laughed like a dog, but was shit scary cos he tore up the entire planet with worrying ease. And continued to do so.
Pros
Kefka
Shadow ( not a fanboy)
Dancing Mad, the final fight theme. Was woefully underappreciated, its a 12 minute long epic of musical genius. With organs! omfg!
Cons
Too long for my liking
Too many sidequests/character stories. Hard tokeep up.
DEPRESSING. Has everything from the end of the world to teen pregnancy to suicide to opera. Not a feel good game.
Final Fantasy VII
And here is where it all starts. For me my very first, the fourth released in the US (so it messed up the numbering considerably when they didn't call it FFIV) and the first released in old Blighty. I picked it up at the age of 11, and I last played it at 17. This game just was videogame story telling perfection. Ok the graphics are dated now, but the combat is fast, the story just the right side of depression, the characters brilliant, the women impossibly endowed, and like Kefka, we have the MOST AWESOME BAD GUY EVER!!! So awesome was the Sephy that when he appeared 10 years later in Advent Children there was a mass FF fanbase collective orgasm. And I was there with them. This dude was sex with a sword. Gothic, psychotic, sliced up one of your team before your eyes, and then you got to kill the bastard! Perfection.
Pros
Awesome story
AWESOME antagonist
Nice girls
Cons
Little dated now
NOt much to do once you'd done it all 4 times.
Final Fantasy VIII
I have to admit that this was where my love for the raven haired look came from (see sarah fact 2). I mean come on, she is a sexy peice of polygon. Anyway, again sexy graphics (still prerendered ugh), pity about the lack of cool badguy. I mean, you dont even know she exists until the 3rd disc ( a long time). And the main character was an emo forerunner with commitment issues with anothe silly name. Squall. Ugh.
Pros
Graphics make these people FINALLY look human!
Less swords and sorcery, more swords and large eff off tanks
None too hard
Junctioning was pretty fun
Cons
Squall. EMO
Ashley has serious orgasms over this game. And he thinks it's better than VII. Twat.
Final Fantasy IX
Once again, thanks to the miracle of hi-res FMV we get to ogle another peice of polygonic perfection. With long hair, and without. (I prefer the latter). This one was pretty fun, even though many unfairly dismissed it from departing from the trend of scifi settings. The fantasy realm was pretty nice, harking back to the 'good ol' days' with the spoony comments and the pixels. We also had another cool villain, even if he was 'slightly' effeminate. By which i mean VERY. But again, that didn't prevent the man from tearing 1 planet in half (literally, i add) and pretty much completely nuking another before he died.
Pros
Graphics Superb
Some good subplots/minigames. SKipping!
Cons
Brahne. Urgh....
A little... psychadelic in places...
Final Fantasy X
Nearly there! Again, very hot and sexy if reserved eye candy abound. As you can tell the graphics are now sorted. Stellar story as well, though the voices were a little embarrassing, which took away from the usual poignancy of the story. Ah well, no shame. The effects were cool, the bad guy was enough of an arse to warrant the smashing of his face, the main character was an annoying fop, the music was splendid, the combat was sweet ( CBT! WHEE!!!) and the Aeons were AWESOME. And then they went and made a sequel... oh dear...
Pros
Best FF since VII
Awesome in so many ways
Lulu's physic defying dress
Cons
Voice acting.
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And i end there, cos the films, meh, and FFX-2 is a travesty that will hopefullly never be repeated. So roll on FFXII i say!
Wow, this post is pretty long...
'chard
Playing: Final Fantasy V
Reading: 84, Charing Cross Road
Listening to: 'Dancing Mad' - Black Mages
Annoyed with: My neck
Mood: Serene
Song currently stuck in head: 'forget about tomorrow'- Feeder
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Dancing Mad' - The Black Mages
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