A lovely story for you (plus audience participation)

Once upon a time there was a little bee called Ted. Ted was a small bee, and was always finding it hard to fit in with the other bee's in the hive. One day, the queen asked one of the drones to find her a worker how could carry the heaviest loads of honey from cell to cell all day without stoppping. All the young bees were very excited by this, and spent the next few days making themselves as strong as they could so that they could have a chance at being picked. Ted knew he'd never be picked however, and sat in hus little wax house crying little buzzing cries, wishing he were big and tough and strong like the other bees. "There's no point sitting there moping, Ted" his mother would say. "If you want to be big and strong you have to earn it, like the others". So Ted got up, and flew out of the hive, determined to find his strength somewhere. he started collected little bits of pollen from flowers, working with heavier and heavier loads until he could pick up as much as they other bees. One day, as he was resting on the leaf of an agapanthus, a gang of flies flew past and landed on the same plant. "Hello there little bee" they said. "What are you doing today?". "Making myself strong so i can work in the hive" said Ted .Then, at that very moment, Helen came back, and the story drew to an abrupt but happy ending.

Endless enthusiasm says:
aaaaaaaaaw!
Well that was nice... says:
Sorry about that
Well that was nice... says:
got bored
Endless enthusiasm says:
oh its so cute!
Endless enthusiasm says:
oh wait carry on with the story i have to peel potatoes
Well that was nice... says:
ok

However, as it turned out, Helen had to go and peel potatoes. Ted was taken back to the Flie's house where they helped him become strong and tough like the other bees. After another day, ted decided to return to the hive, and waved a buzzy farewell to the flies. "Goodbye flies" he said. "Goodbee" they punned, and fell about buzzing to themselves as Ted flew out of sight. Eventually, Ted grew tired of flying, and so sat on a garden wall to rest for the reaminder of the journey. He pulled a book out of his satchel, sat back and began to read.Eventually he fell into a deep sleep. "Snore - buzz- snore - buzz" he went all through the night. he was so fast asleep he didnt notice the gardener come out early next morning until he sat right next to Ted on the wall. "Well I never" thought the gardener. "What's such a small bee like this doing lying fast asleep on my garden wall?". He picked up a small twig and gently poked ted in the side. "snore- buzz- snore HM?" Ted woke with a buzz and looked up at the giant of the gardener. "H-hello" he buzzed. "hello there, are you lost? I dont recall seeing a nest around here for a few miles" "Oh no" said ted. "My hive is very far away, miles and miles and miles i should think, in the roof of an old shed in the woods". the gardener, who since the author keeps writing as farmer accidentally will now be referred to as a farmer, scratched his cheek with his glove thoughtfully "Oh aye I know the one, but I dont recall seeing a bee's nest in there... Last i looked there was nowt but wasps living in that there shed" the farmer mused in his recently found country accent. "W-WOPS?!" shrieked Ted

Endless enthusiasm says:
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Endless enthusiasm says:
wasps???

"Oh yes. Would probably be best for you to get back there quick little bee, and probably best for this sentence not to needlessly shatter the fourth wall by nodding dramatically at helen" the farmer said whilst nodding dramatically at the webcam window that had appeared. "I cant go back if there are wasps around!" said Ted. "They're worse than the worst bully's i ever met! Oh, if only i was much bigger and stronger and..."

Endless enthusiasm says:
oh poor ted!

Ted thought back to the time with the flies, realised he was acually stronger, dodged a lot of lengthy exposition, thanked the farmer and buzzed off. Literally. "good bye Ted!" said the farmer, who was evidently reading the narration to have known the bees name. "Good luck with the wasps!"

Endless enthusiasm says:
woooo!

Ted buzzed as fast as his little buzzy wings would buzz him. He came at last to the shed and hid behind a peble. Even ffrom here he could see the wasps flying in and out of the shed. "Oh what has become of my friends?" thought Ted sadly. He flew away sadly, until he heard an angry buzzing not far from him. He flew towards the sound, to find two wasps talking to a bee at a daffodil.

Endless enthusiasm says:
ooh

"Come on! Get a move on bee!" one wasp buzzed. "we needs us this honey quickly! the more we get, the faster we sell it and the RICHER we become!"

Endless enthusiasm says:
eeek

"So," thought Ted, "Thats their little game! They steal our hard earned honey and sell it to get rich! Well I can put a stop to this!" He flew to the ground and plucked a blade of grass and a small leaf from the dirt and flew to the wasps. "You let that bee go!" he cried, brandishing his grass sword

Endless enthusiasm says:
wow!
Endless enthusiasm says:
this is such a great story

The wasp just laughed however, and buzzed rather obscenely in ted's direction. Ted swung his grass sword and the wasp lost his sting!

Endless enthusiasm says:
go ted!

Howling with rage, the wasp (by now curiously emasculated) flew back to the hive, closely followed by his companion. Ted buzzed the obligatory one liner, and told the other bee to fashion weapons such as his. Suddenly, the air was thick with buzzing, and THOUSANDS of wasps came flying through the trees, the stingless one at the head of the company. Ted buzzed a small eep, looking at the countless fierce yellow and black angry faces in front of him

Endless enthusiasm says:
oh no!
Endless enthusiasm says:
he eeped!
Endless enthusiasm says:
things must be bad

The narrator considered his audience with a scathing look for a second

Endless enthusiasm says:
what?
Endless enthusiasm says:
why?

Ted and the other bee (coincidentally also called Ted. Which is silly to have them both with males names since all bee drones are female anyway) looked at each other...

-
And at that point the story stopped. I'll finish it with tomorrows blog (or thursday's. depends on theatre) which will involve Camden, Jimmy Carr and attempted stabbings.

Narrator Chard