'Nightwish, you are spoiling us with these Ferrero Rocher'

Nightwish have been very good to us. We don't deserve it, we know. They make their music, we buy it, noone owes anyone. Then they kicked out Tarja, and then there was an underground media shitstorm. People ranted, women cried; each side summoned a mighty army, and long and bloody war was fought. Thousands were put to death while the skies rained the blood of the slain down from the heavens. It seemed the world was at an end, that the Apocalypse had been wrought. After a while, some people suddenly got the niggling feeling that they may have overreacted, just a smidge. So the issue died down, and a quiet descended over the metal world. Nightwish quietly retreated back to Finland, minus Ms Turunen, and got to work doing what they do best; sitting in Tuomas' place in Kitee and getting completely hammered. And writing songs in the meantime. But eventually it became obvious that without Tarja (and with Marco being breastically challenged) a new singer would be needed to usher in the new age of Nightwish, an age clouded in uncertainty and hostility, an age that is drawing ever closer.

It's 4 months until the new album is released. It's been a year and a half since Tarja was (arguably unceremoniously) booted out. And it's been relatively... quiet. We knew they were auditioning for new singers and writing the material, but it just seems to have been lacking any real... hype. Not that I'm complaining; hype has ruined the reputations of many artists and albums. But Nightwish are THE biggest metal act in Europe. I for one, expected something a little less reclusive. Heck, the album doesn't even have a name yet.

And now our tale comes to the last few days. Thursday, to be exact. The situation was no different than it had ever been. We knew only that Nightwish had a new (unannounced) vocalist. We knew the album was near completion. We even knew of the first single, 'Eva' which was going to be released as a download only single to raise money for charity. We knew Ghost Love Score was being dwarfed by something bigger. But that was it.

And now, after all this quiet, Nightwish have done something quite astonishing. Something that, if it had been handled badly, would have absolutely killed them. They came out of the media secrecy like a thundercloud. They stopped being all 'hush-hush' and started screaming at us. In the space of mere hours they held out 34 seconds of 'Eva' for us. We had enough time to listen and form opinions of the song, and certain forums were alive with people discussing the new singer. We finally knew for SURE she was female. Then, Nightwish not only gave us her name; they gave us photos, they gave us a video greeting from her personally (even slyly giving us a shot of Marco, Toumas and Jukka at the end to stop people calling it fake), they even gave us an entire factfile on her. And she told us that the album was finished. They were deluging us with treats. And they weren't nearly done.

The next day they tell us that Eva was out to buy. Five days before it was scheduled. This was mostly to stem the flood of P2P downloads, but even so, it was a treat. And then the same day, they give us three more samples, two nearly a minute long. They shut the mouths of all the naysayers slighting 'Eva' for being a ballad (vitriol spewed on this topic later) by giving us three tracks remniscient of thier heavier work. Nightwish were obviously watching the complaints, and moved to quickly shut the complainers up.

We knew much more than we did barely 36 hours earlier. We had our new singer, with a name and a face. We had the name of five of the fourteen promised tracks. We could even own one of them for our very own, with the promise of another in August. In my view, Nightwish had decided to launch themselves back into being talked about. They wanted to generate another media storm on the same level, if not a larger one than they had to deal with after they booted Tarja. They wanted to tell us 'Nightwish are back', and they wanted to tell us that with 400 feet tall, flaming letters imprinted on our brains.

As I stated at the start of this post, we didn't deserve any of this. Take issue with that all you want, but as I see it Nightwish could have waited until late August for all of this. We ranted at length about Tarja, and they reply with all of the above. Call it media spin and marketing all you like, but even so they're giving us more information about the album (still without a name) and more delectable bites from it than they did with Once, more than I've known a band to do. They're reassuring us that Tarja may be gone, but Nightwish is still very much alive and rocking.

Some people have a problem with that. Not with all the samples and the single, no they're lapping that up as they should, being fans. No, they have a problem with Anette. I have argued with several people in several places on this issue, and all their arguments were the same. So, me being the rational person I am, I'm going to put all my thoughts here and ignore the rest of the arguments. These are all arguments I've actually read.

"She'll never replace Tarja"

Of course she won't. She was never going to. Tarja was kicked out in November of 2005, and we've had a year and a half to get used to that idea. Whoever they brought in was never going to be exactly the same, and we knew that. Anette is not Tarja, and she doesn't sing like Tarja, but that doesn't mean she isn't right for the job. Tarja is gone, get over it.

"Nightwish have moved to a 'poppier' style"

'Kingmichael', you're a spanner, kindly take a knife and put it through your head. Listen to Britney and then tell me Nightwish sound like that. Do they? No. God that point annoys me...

"Anette makes Nightwish's music terrible"

The music that was written before she was chosen and had no control over? Yeh that makes sense.

"Eva is too sappy/ballady/slow for Nightwish"

Two for Tragedy. Angels Fall First. Forever Yours. Swanheart. Sleeping Sun. Dead Boy's Poem. Away. Kouloma Tekee Taiteilijan. The Forever Moments. You're a spanner.

"Nightwish have gone Within Temptation"

That's a bad thing? Even if you don't like WT, does that really mean you should start hating Nightwish? Cos they sound too much like a band you don't like? Bands that are in the same genre? Bands that play the same goddamn type of music?! Knife. Head. NOW.

God, people annoy the hell out of me sometimes...
chard

Playing: Pokémon Diamond
Reading: 'The Time Traveller's Wife' -Audrey Niffenegger
Listening to: 'mOBSCENE' - Marilyn Manson
Annoyed with: People
Mood: Ill
Song currently stuck in head: '7 Days to the Wolves' - Nightwish
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Amaranth' - Nightwish

Placeholder

My special review is coming, but in the meantime, I have a few things to say:

1. To Mr "Temperature-above-18-degrees". FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF AND DIE IN A DITCH!!! Kisses and lollipops, chard.
2. To Nightwish. Thank you for not being malicious by only teasing us with 38 seconds of Eva today. Thank you for revealing the new singer to us. Thank you for making sure she didn't look too much like a horse, meaning she looks better than Tarja, but still leaving Sharon and Christina as the ultimate vixens of Metal.
3. To September. NO offense dude, I love you being the ninth month and all, but you could... I dunno, scooch up a little? I mean, 4 months is a long time, and I kinda wanna be both at uni and listening to the new Nightwish album kinda about... now? So, yeh, If you could.
4. To Alcohol. Oh my god. Just. Oh. Just. Oh my god. Thank you for existing. Oh my god. You rule dude. You tha man. You tha man.
5. To Dad. Yeh...how to say this? Um... nutmeghasnopetrolandIbackedintoawallandthebumperiskindascraped...so...sorry...
6. To my lines. Could you guys, like, learn me for a bit? That might work.

Love and Louvres
Chard

Playing: Pokémon Diamond
Reading: 'The Time Traveller's Wife' -Audrey Niffenegger
Listening to: 'Welcome to the Black Parade' - My Chemical Romance
Annoyed with: The heat
Mood: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Song currently stuck in head: 'Der Mitternachtslowe' - Therion
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Eva' - Nightwish

(now lets have the real thing!)

Life

Listening to Off the Cuff as I write this, which is playing some awesome stuff. I advise anyone who doesnt regularly listen to get their lives straight.

It's been a while. This chard has been lazy. And he is sorry.

What have I been up to then? Well, I bought 2 books, The Time Travellers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger which I may stop reading, go buy a notebook, start reading again and then take copius notes to make sure my head is getting around the madness. I'm not that far into it, but already I heartily recommend it. The other book some of you know about, some of you don't. But I shall not go into it much. Because I will be presenting you with a review in all good time. You shall see.

A massive amount of my life (80 hours so far) now has been taken up by Pokémon Diamond, which despite being EXACTLY the same core gameplay as all the rest, is still an absolutely superb game. And Jon and Rob will be defeated. Oh yes. The apprentice will finally become the master.

Also I have been deep in rehearsals for the next awesome show, Once a Catholic. This play is absolutely hysterical, so I implore each and everyone of you to come and see it, and then to complain loudly at me for being associated with such a heretical rag. Its on at 7.45pm from the 15th to the 23rd of June at Bromley Little Theatre.

And now, most importantly, I'm eating dinner. So ciao benitos!

chard

Playing: Pokémon Diamond
Reading: 'The Time Traveller's Wife' -Audrey Niffenegger
Listening to: 'Zerstoren' - Rammstein/ Off the Cuff
Annoyed with: Nothing really
Mood: Moof
Song currently stuck in head: 'Our Lady of Sorrows' - My Chemical Romance
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'A Vampire's Lament' - Atreyu