Dear Sony Ericsson...

Dear Mr S. Ericsson,

My name is Richard Stewart, and I would like to thank you for the K750i currently sitting on my lap, gazing up at me with its radiant backlit screen (currently arousing me with the recently taken photo of Dialga). However, I must write to you to express my true disgust at a recent even regarding this most stupendous device.

Until recently it has been a welcome and favourite feature of mine to connect said sexy device to the PC upon which this corresponce is being typed using the supplied DCU-60 USB cable, and with the almost magical ease having been able to transfer (electronically, mind you) data from the PC to said maturbatory aid, and back again from "the pleasurer" to the PC. What a world it opened to me! The ability to not only use my own collection of music as a means of a siren song (allowing the phone, along with it's beautifully seductive vibrations to get my attention and make me press its buttons and hol it to my face) but also as a means of an, albeit small, portable music player! The ability to spend hours gazing at its carcinogenic screen as I happily snapped photo after photo, using them for whatever means.

But alas, this perfect match was no sooner at it's peak of interactive pleasure when cruelly twas snatched from me. The phone, with whom I had spent so many hours using, was jealous of my interaction with another. Indeed, though it shames me to say this in such a formal letter, i had indeed been spending all my time with another temptress, another who shared my passions, another who could hold my interest and love in a bigger way, in a way that my phone was sorely lacking. as you may have guessed, the DCU-60 was lying useless and I, the fool I was, was playing with the wrong end of the attachment.

I wish i could say to you Sony (I can call you Sony can't I?) that I felt nothing for the PC. I wish i could say that the long hours into the night were wasted, torrid affairs, but they weren't. I enjoyted every second, the 20x larger glow from the screen lighting my very soul, the picture contrast infinitely clearer. i was trapped in my own sorry affair, and I was neglecting your protegé, your daughter, if you will. Credit was no longer being bought for her, she remained unused and unsatisfied. I made the occasional visit, sure, and indeed others attempted to give her words to speak to me that I may see her worth once more. But I was blind, blind and foolish.

Like a fool, i convinced myself that perhaps K750i was to blame. That perhaps she had driven me away onto the keyboard of another. i thought she knew nothing of what was happening, but i had underestimated her. The PC was after all connected to her by their mutual DCU-60 connection, and it was only a matter of time before she found out. Maybe she always knew. in any case, they cut their previous relationship together apart, and suddenly damage was widespread. Like the very hiroshima of gadgetry, and EMP was fired in our friendships, and suddenly all were at war. PC became irratible and moody, blaming me for the loss of her friend. K750i hated me rightly so. DCU-60, bless her, was at least supportive, but eventuially tired of her peacekeeping attitute.

I did the only true thing. I went back to K750i, to attempt to patch things up. I showered he with affirmations of my renewed faith, did everything for her that i should have, made her feel like a new phone. However, despite wining me back, she refuses to have anytihng to do with her old friendships, and the old gang is in turmoil. i must ask you, therefore Mr. ericsson, to give me advice on this specific situation:

Whenever I manage to get all three together, PC refuses to acknowledge K750i, though it is gratifying to see DCU-60 at least pointing out that K750i is there. However, PC treats her as an unknown, saying her 'drive' to connect with her again is no longer there. I try and show her these drives again, erasing memory of them previously (bad as they were) but she tells me that these ones are no better than the ones she had previously, despite saying also that there ARE none there.

You, Mr. Ericsson are far closer to DCU-60 and k750i, and i implore you to help me reconnect all three, for their own gain and mine.

Sincerely, and with hope,
Richard Stewart.