Tales of Cauntbury, a Chardes Tale

'sup homes?

I'm ashamed of every single one of you. You all gave me all this advice about Uni, such things like 'it'll be really fun', and 'you'll meet some great people', and let's not forget the old standard of 'you'll be fine'. I am absolutely ashamed of ALL of you for not actually giving me the biggest warning I might have needed before I arrived:

Eventually, you will fear people with leaflets!

I've been here a week, and somehow I have approaching a hundred menus, society leaflets, course timetables, general timetables and all the like, and that's not even mentioning the 500 sheets of paper I have for my printer. My table is lost under a sea of these things, and I'm not sure whether to sort them out adn chuck the ones I don't need or just keep them all in case I need them (not sure why that would be though).

But in other news, I can report I have settled in fine, Becket Court itself is lovely (shame about some of the people :P ) and my room is bigger than my one back in TMON, which is a touch I know I'm going to miss come home time. I've done a little bit of that wh0le personalisation thing, and (as a true male student should) I am glad to say that my walls are now bedecked with a poster of 80's nostalgia (Thundercats) and a poster of lesbians (vampires in this case, not that annoyingly clichéd Tanya Chalkin thing...). And then to level those out I have a print of the Metamorphosis of Narcissus on my noticeboard. Though it must be said I am seriously tempted by this

The people are good, my neighbours are funky and the people doing drama I've met so far seem to be funky (even if I am totally jealous of certain Tyler Court residents and their annoyingly massive kitchens) and hopefully everyone else I encounter along this epic voyage of discovery will remain in this similar vein. Freshers Week is a smidge overrated however me feels, but I think that just may be my channelling a certain spirit of Dauvishness

I'll let you know of things as they happen, depeneding on how much work I get (4 hour practicals! WOO!) but I'll definitely be around. Generals anyone?

Now, who's going to be the first to visit? ;)
Chard

Playing: Lemmings/ Theme Hospital
Reading: Hamlet
Listening to: 'Moving to Blackwater' - Reuben
Annoyed with: Myself
Mood: Getting better
Song currently stuck in head: 'Shamandalie' - Sonata Arctica
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Laid to Rest' - Lamb of God

Bleurgh

Work is dull...

Legibility is overrated,,,,

THe wonderfyul thing abotn being sprawled out on the floor whiole using a computer is that there's so much more space than there is on your bogstandard desk.to be fair this isnt difficult anyway, since my desk in the other room is usualy clogged up with all sorts of random crap: wires, letter, bank statements (should file those) food wrappers empty cups and all the like. However on the floor here thers room to just kick back and refuel, room to laty doew and enjoy all the thingsa the space has to offer. USing this space measnns I can do such random things as, oh I dont know, habving my keyboard and myself at one end of the room and the laptop at the other. THis not only ensures I have plenty of space but also that everything I type I cant see, thus rendering mistakes far more liberal to appearance in these pagse. It's quite odd, typing to an unseen screen, thuogh it doews present its problem (like the fact the last 3 lines had to be typed again becuase I didnt realise I was tpying into a norton window. THis also means (as you may have noticed) that I am far more frugal with presentation in gereal (punctuation, spacing, paragraphs etc) becuassee I cant get the visual sensde of them when blind. So, lets see how we do with this experiment hm?

Ok, things that have happoend. Had the inestimable company of Helen onFriday; and whiel this is something that is never usualy notable due to the fact it is usually pleasantly unremarkable, this particualr meeting must be noted down in these records for the simple fact that during her visit we actualyy DID things. As she wil not contest, our usual meetings generally dissolove into litle more than us sitting,/reclining somehwee of a varying degreee of comfort and talking childishly at each other and ending with her rendering me infertile with a well placed knee simply becuase I atgtacked her (bloody femininsts..) However, on friay as said, things were done and accomplished! First off we jaunted into Bromley, that most amazing habven of Cahvs and single mothers with afges in the single digits, while I hunted for camaras and she hunted for cheap but orgasmic chocolate (which does not, for the record include rum covered raisins). After heading home (onthe bus this time, cos helens legs are wusses) we sat (sorry) and watched Grosse Point Blank, which was also notable sincew helen DDINT fall asleep during it... much. I confess I didhave to prod her a litt.e. After that, we went and fetched (and then ate) food, before flyig off to teh pbuz, meeting people and company, before taking off, tasking hleen home. A full day we felt.

Other than that life has just been all about drinking, working, bit of WoW, and lots of panicking about KEnt. Not long now...

Ah well. Chard



Playing: Contact/ World of Warcraft
Reading: Nothing
Listening to: 'Symphony Nr 3 in E flat major - Beethoven
Annoyed with: Teeth
Mood: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Song currently stuck in head: 'Dance Dance' - Fall Out Boy
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Thnks fr th mmrs' - Fall Out Boy

Lap dance, chard style ;)

Ah my darlings, my dears, my sirs my madams, my mademoiselles my lovelies, my homies and my crew, my divine and my dreary, my folks and my me.

Consider these the first words submitted to blog form from the brand-spankingly new laptop de la Chardz. For the buffs amongst you, it's one of these.

As always, I have my certain own unique opinion on such an aqcuisition as this (along with my own unique way of phrasing, and indeed spelling most of that last sentence) and such observations are as follows:

1. My dad rocks immensely
2. Vista is wierd and deeply confusing
3. Mostly because it's basically Mac OS X...
4. Mouse touchpads are absolute wank in both function design and use
5. Mmm shiny blue lights everywhere!

In other Chard related news, I decided to fill the journey to work with the new DS stylings of both Elite Beat Agents and Contact. EBA is possibly the most addictive game ever made, the most mad, the funkiest, the maddest and most likely the toughest game ever to grce the duel screens of my DS (which I just had to check my brother wasn't sitting on). Have yet to try Contact, that may be my going to work game tomorrow.

Love and giggles
chard and the laptop

Playing: Elite Beat Agents/Guitar Hero II
Reading: Nothing
Listening to: 'Nothing'
Annoyed with: The bastards attached to my teeth
Mood: Wooful!
Song currently stuck in head: 'No One Knows' - Queens of the Stone Age
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Freak on a Leash' - KoRn

Heeey, I remember this!

Yes, I haven't written here in a while, we all know can we just move on and stop with the harrassing andsilly put downs now? No? Oh fine...

Hello hello once again, i must say it has been a while hasn't it? What has kept me from updating these hallowed pages, these tomes of intellect, these archives of wit? No good reason. It's kinda paradoxical actually; I'm bored, but I don't blog to releive it, thus getting more bored, thus losing the bovveredness to actually do it. But, here I am once again, hoping to jump start the creative juices with an infusion of guarana and teak.

So, things and things, what have I done? Well there was obviously New Wine in which:

• I awoke at 6 everymorning, by design or otherwise
• I worked with 2 year olds for aweek
• I got abused by a 9 year old 14 year old
• I got a 2 year old a boyfriend, only for him to dump her cos she was playing with me
• A 7 (?) and a 4 year used me as a chair and spent a lot of time poking my teeth
• I spent a lot of time sitting around taking the scores for Gazeball
• I ate in the pub in Hot Fuzz, walked through the square in the shootout in Hot Fuzz, AND found the Church in Hot Fuzz, which believe it or not is the Parish Church of St. Cuthbert!

Since then? Work work work work work work work work. Work. Oh, and I saw Emmie the other day that was fun. And I saw Ami twice since New Wine, once crashing one of her rehearsals (that show is gonna be GOLD) and the other in t'pub on results day (well done her and her friends) and even had the previously unexperienced experience of driving 3 drunk girls, ranging in drunkeness from vomity (Amy) to cynically sober (Ami) home. Games days have been in full swing as usual (Guitar hero II and MarioParty 8 adding somewhat to the fun) and arses have been liberally kicked. Seen very little of Helen and Sarah, such seeming to be the quickly establishing norm, seen some of Stompp, even being a prestidigous guest at one of his gatherings, which meant all his friends had the joy of meeting little old me! All good fun and the violence for dominance of the pack was thankfully short and sweet.

Music! Ah yes, Chard has been expanding his music collection by way of Amazon and Dauve.coms. New revelations have been found (Tristania and After Forever), old alliances made stronger (Paramore, Sonarctica and Sirenia) and even as of yesterday, owning the new Nightwish single! Not that I hadn't heard it anyway, but still, pride of ownership and all that. And FIlms! Odeon proudly boast that 2007 is the 'Summer of Cinema' and they have been right! IN the last few months I have seen Harry Potter (utter fucktripe), Die Hard (*ecstatic shudder*) Transformers (Ok, but obviously filmed by someone very nervous) The Simpsons (like a long episode, but with Bart's penis). Films films films!

Hm, is that all... have I caught up enough... *czechs calender* ooh, Steve B's party, which between discussion with Owen about the Ubermensch Charles Lamb and fierce debate on religious beliefs with wierd people made for the funniest alcohol fueled night of some time.

Aaaand that's it. All I leave you with new is the question "what is with the recreational eating of peanuts" and this little flash animation which has helped me through some pretty tough times.

'chard

Ah crap, sorry I forgot, I have a place to live in Kent now. If you want me I am at:

144 Becket Court
University of Kent
Canterbury
Kent
CT2 7NS

Email: rms9@kent.ac.uk

Make me feel loved loves!

chard

Playing: Guitar Hero II/ Pokémon
Reading: Nowt
Listening to: 'La historia del mamut'
Annoyed with: my braces, change the record
Mood: Full
Song currently stuck in head: 'Meridian' - Sirenia
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'The Shining Path'/'Fences'/'Sister Nightfall'/'Sahara' - Tristania, Paramore, Sirenia, Nightwish

I have nothing to apologise for

Enjoy

Testosterone Poisoning

I wish to write a small message of recommendation.

I urge all those proud to call themselves men to go and see the macho fueled cinematic treat that is Die Hard 4.0

This film oozes testosterone do much you would think it was a hormone factory. It has it all; bullets, explosions, fights, boobs (could have done with more), fighters, big cars, bigger guns, hot females, Bruce Willis...

I feel like a hamster...

Post script

I forgot to tell you why the girl doing the quizzing in the George was so annoying!

Basically, she would ask the question, and leave us time to think about it and write anaswers down. Then, she would exclaim: "I'll repeat that again", and give us the question for a second time.

NO. No you won't! You WON'T repeat it again, because you haven't repeated it a first time!!!

Noone else knew quite what I was getting so worked up about...

Also, is this amusing or not? Answers on a postcard

Diolch yn fawr

I don't know why that title is in Welsh. You can blame my brother who, having returned from the place where sheep need fear for their innocence, has taken to communicating in some bizarre tongue. It's ancient inflections and bestial accents, forged in ancient times by pagan scribes, huddled around the blue flame of the village fire as the ethereal smoke wafts up to the night sky in a smokey hue; the shamans intone their wicked chants and cast their runes in the dust, 100 innocent virgins lined up to be sacrificed to the nether realm. That or he's speaking welsh. But what do I know?

Chard has been a busy busy busy bunny. In fact, that's rubbish, he hasn't been a bunny at all. He's still been human, but a particularly busy one. Such is that previous sentence rendered useless.

It's raining outside. I prune my non-trees with non-sequiturs.

Once a Catholic is over! Yes indeed, and it is a sad fact to be sure. Ne'er again will Cuthbert grace the stage in his flowing dressing gown of pure silk, ne'er again will Derek charm his way into the Bristol cities of Mary Mooney before proposing to Mary McGinty, ne'er again will Mr Emmanuelli proclaim his wish for the nuns to be raped by the police while Father Mullarkey splutters his lines out over a bottle of whiskey, ne'er again will Mary Gallagher have to listen to Cuthbert spout random crap and then have to endure receiving a sharp whack with a (hard) copy of the Scottish play, never again will 3 little maids from school annoy the hell out of the rest of the cast and crew, and never again will 3 nuns rule life for Our Lady of Fatima with their strict, obviously lesbian ways.

Sarah is in Argentina, though she has the Internet and thus the power to annoy me (i kid i kid), and will be until aaaages away from now. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I thought she might like to be included in my random blathering this morning.

God it's actually morning... something's wrong with me... non-pruning shears....

Helen is BACK from Italy! She missed nothing but once a catholic, and appears to have spent her entire time up towers, in domes and seeing mint humbugs. Unfortunately, being back she is no longer safe, and I feel it is my solemn duty to annoy her. Mwahaha.

AHA! A story! Interesting things to be told! See below:

NO not here, this is just me saying 2 things annoying me, the interesting bit is below, go further down.

1. Nightwish!! STOP TEASING US! we are but mere mortals!
2. Bromley Little Theatre! Put those reviews of OaC up! Stop tormenting I!

Interest:

I've had a very interesting few days. I guess it starts at about 7.30 Sunday. So let's go there. I spent the evening with Rob, Tom and I working hard on the pub quiz while listening to Chris and Nick argue violently. I wasn't really listening much, but the argument seemed to eventually boil down to:

Chris: "I think this because of this"
Nick: "But I don't agree with that, I think this"
Chris: "I get what you're saying, but this means that that must be this"
Nick: "OK, I see where you're coming from, but I think this"
Chris: "I respect that you think this, but I think this"
Nick: "You are entitled to think that, but I subscribe to this view"
Chris: "Fiddlededee and forsooth, for I ponder thus wise"
Nick: "Giggles and glee, for see my thinking now as this"
Tom: "Guys did she say Kurdistan or Uzbekistan?"
Chris "TOM SHUT UP! SHUT THE F*CK UP YOU PRICK GOD YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!"

I thought the entire proceeding was pretty damn funny. And we didn't win the quiz.

So, Monday. I woke up and felt my tummy a rumblin'. So I did my particulars of hygiene, and went and ate. After eating I was sitting there feeling like a fat lazy b'stard (nothing new) so I packed up my stuff in an old kit back and decided that time was right to go for a walk to replenish my appetite and feed my body with some relaxation. So off I set. After about 3 minutes I felt a vibration and I answered my phone and talked to Rob for a bit. After agreeing to go to his after my walk I went into T62 (locked) and carried on through the park toward Coney Hall. At this point it started to piss it down with rain (relatively, considering elsewhere) so I diverted my course and ducked into FancyDressMe.com to annoy Simon and Emily for a while while waiting for the inclement weather to subside. I felt another vibration in my pocket; from Ami this time. Apparently she'd seen me walking around. Well, it had to be statistically impossible for no one to see me (I am visible I think), but I replied, and she replied and so on and so forth. Anyway, it got to the point where we arranged to meet in Bromley. First I went to Rob's to honour his invitation, and after getting my arse completely handed to me on both Mortal Kombat and Mario Strikers, he went to wash his hair and get changed (took about an hour) before we boarded the 119 to our destination. We met up with Ami and her friends (all lovely people, none of whom lynched me but all of whom now probably think I'm gay, how does that keep happening) for a while, sat and chatted while Rob used them to persuade me to going to Lloyds that night for the birthday celebrations of Monsieur Trimmings

It must be said here and now. I detest Lloyds with all my heart and my very living soul. A den of inequity and chavs, the service and produce poor. And they don't let me in on Thursdays to Saturdays.

So, after a quick stop in Waitrose to say hello to people there, Rob and I (Ami and that lot are underage so we left them somewhere in Bromley) went into Lloyds to despair and drink. And so we did until Liam, Sean Alex and Kat turned up. We said various hellos and greetings and proceeded to take the sofas. Various people showed up and whatso. At this point (2020) Rob and I decided that, being the peckish people we probably were, that we should order food. This food arrived at about 2215. Strike 1 Lloyds. While waiting for the food, I was waiting at the bar for 50 minutes. Strike 2. I probably wouldn't have been served at all if I hadn't shown off a bit of skin for the barmen. Honestly! So, other than the company it wasn't an amazing evening.

Tuesday, I worked myself to the marrow as per usual, somehow reduced the lunchroom to fits of childish laughter simply by asking Anita how full her sacks were (seriously, what's wrong with that?!) and after the day I came home. After some recuperation I donned my clean white shirt of power and drove off to Sarah's to see her and Evelyn. After about... 3 hours of watching them beautify themselves (which is foolish since they're gawjus anyway) we and the Greenhalgh Chris ventured to the George. Which is basically the railway with different people and a different shape. I kid you not. Twas decided again we'd battle our way through Tuesday's quiz (same as the Railway's) and again, we failed to win. We then all went our respective ways and I drove around for a while with music blaring at a respectable level of volume. Was rather nice.

And now I am sitting here writing absolute crap again. If you made it far without breaking out into convulsions I admire your central nervous system's tenacity. I shall no doubt see you all soon

ch'd

Playing: Guitar Hero II
Reading: 'Coming Soon' -BLT.com
Listening to: 'Your God' - Stone Sour
Annoyed with: Not much
Mood: Tired yet hyper...
Song currently stuck in head: 'Madhouse' - Anthrax
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Amaranth' - Nightwish. NOW GIVE US IT YOU BASTARDS!

Once a Catholic - Take 1

Yes tonight was the charity performance for Once a Catholic at Bromley Little Theatre. It went very well, with only one or two minor hiccups/observations:

1. Ami and I are SO gonna run out of things to talk about before those house lights go down
2. The Prompt needs a prompt.
3. Stage lights are still hot
4. Audiences don't always laugh at everything, and yet they laugh at the strangest things...
5. That sofa needs brakes

So it all went well and we hope for good (paying) audiences and succesful shows for the rest of the run.

Just don't let there be anymore priests in the audience...