Seamus Heaney VS Electroman!!!

Yes, its the superhero showdown you've ALL been waiting for! You are of course aware of the true evil that is the poet Seamus Heaney, author of such marvellous poems as "Blackberry Picking", "Digging", "Death of a Naturalist" (not naturist, as i found to my relief) and his most recent work "I Want To Take Your Soul and Mould It Like Putty Into What I Percieve As A Perfect Denizen of my Almighty Kingdom on Earth, Zieg Heil". Nonetheless, despite the brilliance some seem to see in his poetry (HA) he is an AOO of high status. A quick reminder of all his evil traits:
As can be seen here, Heaney boasts a pair of claws hands, much aking to Xmens Wolverine, along with red eyes, a skull and crossed bones tattoo, and the mark of the beast on his chin. However, Heaney was not always the dangerous demon he once was. No, in his youth he was the Holy Knight Valharion Heaney, sworn to protect the king along with his legion of men, all skilled with sword and bow. Here, a rare picture of him in the height of his power, sword drawn in defiance of all evil (though he also favoured the use of an axe), wearing only a chainmail tie, his eyes afire with the wrath of the Lord:

For many thousands of years, Valharion Heaney served the kingdom of Ireland, his mounted cavalry bested by none. However, Valharion was weak in spirit in the later years of his life. One day, he lead a raid against a daemon encampment that lay ready to attack his province. The daemons however were prepared for the attack, and Heaney's men were quickly repelled under a hail of bow fire. Heaney charged the camp alone, and soon the sound of sword on shield quietened, and the legend of Heaney was lost to the ages..
...until he resurfaced in his new daemonic state, realised the pen was mightier than the sword, and took to writing poetry.

Now, what of Electroman? He was a regular businessman, Adam Robertson. He was head of an electronics store franchise, and everyone described him as particularly 'high-powered'. So everything seemed to make logical sense to him, and he immediatly changed into the electricity wielding maniac we know well. Here he is before changing:
And after:

And so, at a press conference, Electroman leapt on stage were Heaney was reading his latest work, "Bow Down TO The Potatoes, Potatoes Being A Metaphor For Me" and used the twin microphones to shock Heaney with a full charge:


Heaney was knocked out in one, leaving EM to shock the audience by burning Heaney's poetry books, and then fleeing through a power line.

Heaney got up, swore revenge, and dissapeared into the night...

SAVAGES!!!

*pant, wheeze* Yes my friends, I have returned unscathed from the cesspool outside the M25, where savages roam the land en masse, where tribal Witch-Doctors and Shamans conjure fiendish enchantments on the unwary, where satanic rituals and Dungeons and Dragons are performed daily, and where we had a rather cool day out.*
*some of this may be a lie

NOTE: THIS POST CONTAINS SOME STRONG LANGUAGE AND A REFERENCE TO THE MESSIAH AS A SKELETON FIGHTER/MAGE

I got on a distinctly stupidly timed train (see post below) bound for London Central, and while Jon and I discussed the state of the mobilisation of the forces of Otis, the train trundled merrily along to Clock House, where uponst we met with Dave and his l337 shirt. After a short journey forth, Dave complained of feeling his breakfast fast returning, so we vacated the train to allow Dave some vital medical attention. And, in truly foolish fashion, as the train sped off sans us, Dave then proclaimed he was in fact feeling better. Fool. We had to wait a WHOLE TEN MINUTES for the next train. Shocking. Jon and I spent much of the remaining journey reminiscing about the true awesomeness of the original Command and Conquer games (a value contested by all to be very high). After a while, I decided to descend into the Spectral Plane and use my spirit to attack Dave's psyche. As you can see in the picture, I used an energy blast against him, as well as reaching out to his soul in order to torment it with my uber ghostly l337 skillz

pwnage.

After a quick tube journey, we ended up in Kings Cross where we met a rather irate Lewis who was going on about us being late or some such. We ignored him sufficiently well for Jon to act like a total idiot

Lewis bought the tickets, and we set off on the long journey to Peterborough, sorting out who would be the ultimate movie badass (Vader came close to losing the title to a Predator. After a VERY close match, with some fierce debating and good points raised for both parties, Vader scraped the victory) Also was seen a Shredded Wheat factory

Slightly more worrying was that we passed through the sites of several rather large train disasters. Aside from Kings Cross, we also went through Potter's Bar and Hatfield Stations. Erm...eek anyone?

We got to Peterborough itself (we know, it said) and almost immediatly we saw evidence of savagery in the amounts of chavs that there were, inculding your traditional chavette, one burberry cap, and even burberry armed sunglasses.How does anyone think it looks stylish?
However, we met with Tom and Julia and was led forth into the place, with helpful little tourist guide style information from Tom which detailed the exact place JFK was shot:

and even the headquarters of MI5!!!

Peterborough was fast becoming more exciting! (Note, I really wish i was making that up. That's what he said... and I believed him... T_T) However, my feelings leant back towards savagery when I saw evidence of a recent murder, no doubt perpetrated by a savage gang of tribal warriors armed with flint spears and crude clubs fashioned from the bones of their hunting victims. Like true savages, they had left the body in the street, and when dawn rose, the poor man was found by one of what Julia penned 'the streak of Intelligentsia in Peterborough' and reported the crime. All that was left was the chalk outline...
But there we go. After bartering Dave in exchange for a crossbow at the Corn Exchange

we headed off to the Cathedral, on the way passing a Call to Arms, calling for champions of the town to band together on an epic quest to enter the Dragon King's lair, in a bid to slay the evil Hobbit king Frodo. Though looking at still's for the film 'Green Street'I think someone beat them to it. Frodo got pwned! So, we entered the Cathedral which was a very nice building. Not so nice at Wells Cathedral, which has the coolest clock possible to have, but still nice.


Dave found his new messiah, and bowed down in reverance to his master

We gathered, after looking around, and as we discussed various ecumenical matters, I noticed Julia looking up with a rather puzzlingly scared look on her face. I followed her gaze, as should be done, and had the living sh*t scared out of me. What had i seen? An effigy of Otis at the Last Supper? Church Snipers ready to fire sharpened crucifixes at me? NO, much worse. We had come face to face...

with the FUCKING SCARIEST representation of Jesus Christ I have seen in my years. Look at him!!! I have expected him to fall to the floor, leer at us in his skeletal glory, wielding a cruel scimitar in one hand, whilst charging a fireball with his other! Shary scit...
With this image now burnt into our souls forever, we went outside and perused the local shopping centre, which was vaguely remniscient of Croydon's Whitgift Centre. After a quick browse, we went and ate on the grass in front of the Cathedral. After some good munchies (is there any other kind?) we settled back to play a few rounds of that rather perplexing game that is Mao. Julia, Tom and I were Mao Virgins (as it were) and I had until now not played the game. However, I seemed to pick it up pretty quickly, having known a few rules from simply observing games and I managed to get Dave's rule pretty quickly, though I'm surprised some didn't. But you all now have no idea what I'm on about so I shall move swiftly onwards.

So what could possibly counter the sheer hedonism of a game of Mao? The answer is simple my pedigree chums! And that answer is Laser Force, a slightly less shite version of Quasar. What makes it better?

1. Cool names on the vests. I got Shadow (an homage :P) and Laserblade, which was the closest I'd get to being called Lightsabre
2. Guns that work.
3. More obvious distinction between teams
4. Seriously kick ass rapid fire mode. I mean that PWNED! THis much pwnage in fact. Now that is some pwnage! Case in point: Four of the opposing team are calmly walking down the stairs, which i rather calmly take out one by one (only 8. Can't blame them. >:-D) and a voice loudly proclaims I have this rather uber rapid fire. So, why not be a bitch? All 4 attempt to crouch behind a waist high wall, popping up as and when they see fit. And of course, I'm just happily spraying them with uber laser fire. Pwnage.
   
5. Decent scenery. If you thought Bromley was good, this does some floor wiping. Printer boxes galore! Lexmark was never more useful :D
6. Decent music. No creepy-music-suddenly-bursts-into-r'n'b-shite here. No, Euphoria CD's all the way!

Can't really think of many more. But it was very cool. Hats off to Tom for kicking some serious arse and being a wasp in my ear for most of the second game (until it descended into a face off with both of us on opposite sides of the wall :P) and a nod to the 8 year olds for being such bantha fodder. We walked out, tired, hot and nursing wounds, but we vowed to continue our fight (walk into sunset):

Apres this all, we sauntered around for a bit, walking past Tom and Julia's school (DAMN POSH!!!) and stood outside Julia's house, meeting her dog by association, who seemed to ignore he completely in favour of a tummy tickle from lewis.
We then went to a park, where we indulged in more card games, particularly Trumps which came to fierce single combat between Julia and myself.(I was fighting them all today...) We also played some PDQ, Zip Zap Boing, Bang and spent most of the rest of the time emulating the GymClass video, for some obscure reason. After all this merry japery we walked back to the station, and, after the eventful discovery of the sale of Schloer in cans

We set sail for home, looking sexy as a beast


Final assessment of Peterborough:
Was
Is now

--------------------------------------

I...
..am...
...knackered...

'chard
Reading: Nowt
Listening to: 'Ghost Love Score Live' - Nightwish
Watching: NOT Speed 2
Confused about: Where the stone circles were in Peterborough
Annoyed with: Tiredness and wasps
Mood: Hapyy and sweaty
Favourite Song Of The Moment: 'Stockholm Syndrome Live @ Earls Court'
Song Currently Stuck In Head: 'Black Soul' - Brainfreeze

Oh god...

It's the holidays...
I have no school...
I got to sleep at 3 last night...
How, in the name of all the things trapped in God's beard, am I awake at 7?
Someone better not tell me it's tomorrow, or there will be pwnage...
And that's a promise...
Don't mess with me, I worked my arse off but I've got W/Summon now
Mwahahaha, just equip that... then I think Bahamut ZERO linked with Quadra Magic... 8 times the hurt... 79,992hp damage...
What about Knights of the Round then? 959,904hp, oh you like that don't you?

I'm tired... dont..mess with me...

Nor should you comment and tell me that you can't link KotR and QuadMag. I KNOW DAMMIT!!! >_<

Hamsters...or are they?

Ugh, rather mundane post this will be. If you missed the grand unveiling of the winner of the sign competition tis on the post below this.

Been a rather dull few days. Well, not really, but i'd really have preferred if they had been, but needs must i guess. Not a fun post so far is it.. hm.

Coupla days'go I went to the Matthouse and grabbed meself the Mp3's of the Muse at Earl's court which are fablusy live and rather pretty darn cool.Been listening to that quite a bit, and it all rocks hard. Spent quite a bit of time at Sa's recently, which onl make sense to be honest, and last night was Jess's mad mad mad mad mad party of nautical piracy themes. So there were pirates. And it was good. THERE WAS JELLY AND ICE CREAM!!! ohmigosh!

Also, anyone attending the Nightwish gig on the 25th may do well to have a peek at the second bit of news (can't seem to get a link straight to it, which is pissy)which is, so i understand is their performance at the Lowlands Festival somewhere in this wide world. (RealPlayer required; crappy).

Runs in this order:

1. The Siren
2. Ever Dream
3. Kinslayer
4. Planet Hell
5. Wishmaster
6. Slaying the Dreamer
7. Nemo
8. Ghost Love Score (homigosh)
9. Wish I Had An Angel
   

Finally, with an evil grin(>:-D), some giggling and a collective 'aww':



MWhahhahahahha!!!

'chard, signing out :P

Reading: Probably His Dark Materials if i get around to it
Listening to: The Nightwish Live thing above
Watching: Pirates of the Caribbean last night
Confused about: Exactly how Hero Quest should work
Annoyed with: The human body's ability to feel tired
Mood: Pretty good
Favourite Song Of The Moment: that one of Chris's I don't know the name of
Song Currently Stuck In Head: N/a

And the winner is...

Yes, indeed. We finally have a winner!

And that winner is:

My brother!!! >:D



Evil bitch ain't i? :P

And the Nominations are:

The panel of judges have decided that entries for the sign competition are now over, and the finalists have been decided. Each contributor has just one representative entry for themselves, chosen by the judges. And here they are:

Steve

Jon

Dave

Fan

/fpoole

Louis


So there we have the finalists. All that remains to be done is decide on the eventual victor, which shall be done hopefully by Friday. So what else goes down in the word of the chardinator? I've recently rekindled my dying affection for Final Fantasy VII, and have spent absolutely shitloads of time levelling up my materia, to the point I have 8 mastered All materia. Which, should i decide to sell will net me a respectable 11,200,000 Gil And I am working on mastering another 4. Which will be 16,800,000. Then I will have 4 more born from those masters... and so on... I will have shed loads.

Also tried playing a sort of D&D Lite earlier, and I will be doing so again tomorrow. Shall get photos.

Peace out playa's
'chard

Reading: A book
Listening to: 'Heaven's A Lie' - Lacuna Coil
Watching: Muse at Live 8. Cheers Louis!
Confused about: Wednesday...
Annoyed with: STILL my hair
Mood: Tired, but raring for some chocobo breeding!
Favourite Song Of The Moment: 'Ghost Love Score' - Nightwish
Song Currently Stuck In Head: 'Fillip' - Muse

Spiderman Away!

Next in our series of insights into the truly violent nature of the console wars, we investigate the totalitarian rule the Playstation 3 has, overlooking the vast plains and battlefields of Pixelia in the shadowy Citadel of Cell.














The Machine itself is incapable of independant communication and utilises Japanese Businessmen Types (JBT) to relay commands. Here you can see them planning their major assault for Spring 2006, when they will implement a missile attack codenamed "Launch Title."














The JBT are unwilling servants of the Great Cell Processer, and as this particular presentation was carried out by a Silver Class he was flanked by 2 White PS3 Sentinels, ready to attack if things got out of hand.














The slave rooms in bowels of the citadel hold countless of Nintendo fanboys, still convinced that the Gamecube "wasn't really all that bad"


























Ruling the roost and commanding the Citadel is the Shadow Black PS2. It vanishes into the background with its stealth technology in much the same way the Dreamcast shouldn't have. It was good dammit!!!














Here we can see this stealth action in...action. The black colouring goes silver, thenwhite in order to blend into what appears to be a Cold Winter blizzard (pun :P)


























Finally, here is a Silver Battle Class PS3, complete with a short range aerial fighter, which fires lasers using Blu-ray technology, white the PS3 unit itself fires Blu-ray discs in much the same fashion as we saw in the Revolution Tank.

Fun no? Sarah would have laughed (got your mention, right here)

Competition Time!!!

That's right! One of you lucky bloggers will be able to win a GLORIOUSly rubbish prize, courtesy of chard enterprizes (geddit?!).

The idea for this came from Stompp, so many kudos to him. How to enter? Easy. I will provide the entrants with the picture of me with the sign, and all you happy clappy crappy chappies have to do is fill in the sign! Jovial no? In about.. i dunno a weeks time I'll put up the cream of the crop. So, go go go and get cracking. Any Q's can be commented, and I shall endeavour to answer.

Terms and conditions apply. Anything saying anthing contradictory to the fact that I rule serious amounts of ass (careful) will not be accepted, and you will be fed to the pigeons :P. "Say, it'll make you insane and it's bending the truth you're to blame for all the life that you'll lose and you watch this space but i'm going all the way and be your slave to the grave I'm the priest god never paid." It's the small print, geddit? :P



Just to give you an idea, here are the two examples of Stompp's that sparked this idiocy



Happy GIMP/photoshop/paintin' :P

A Level Matter

And I'm damn pleased with that, so nuts to any that aren't.

And yes, i do love that picture. Damn handy. Especially so I can do things like this:



Kinky no? :P

EDIT: 'Cave' by Muse fucking rocks

Let the revolution begin!

And so ,with the console wars beginning, Nintendo launch their own sorties with the Nintendo Revolution.Lets have a look at their recent attack plans:

















Horrendous camouflage patterns blind the enemy defenses, while the machines hover capabilities allow it to maneuver over difficult terrain, such as gaps that require a little more than a double-jump














The main cannon fires heavy steel discs at high velocity to destroy enemy positions and cripple artillery fire from such defenses as the Spectrum ZX81, a machine known for crashin many times... into it's target of course.



















The top of the vehicle conceals anti air batteries and memory card ports.













The crap design serves some purpose.. such as to make....erm... enemy consoles and sprites vomit... meh



















On the plus side, at least you can pick it up... and drop it off a balcony.

Next post: the 360