Slightly 'chard

Sorry

2008-02-02T00:49:00.001Z

I havent posted in ages. And now Dauve has become an hero and been IRL b& (ish) I shall pick up the slack and become THE ONLY PERSON LEFT BLOGGING with a mighty hurrah and a lunge into the future. Now it has been a while so forgive me while I bullet point all observations over these last months (in an order of total inconsequentialness) in a random fashion that makes no sense. You may of course query them later.

Still at uni
Not failed yet
Still raping my liver with substances designed for the job
Accentuating my previous hilarity over guitar hero
Now on the way to being a snappy dresser
Still find the word Tuesday to be inherently amusing
Still waiting on March to roll around and Nightwish to blast my ears
Missing those people I never wanted to miss
Still friends with Laura, despite the beatings... (love you too dear)
Cunningly name dropped Laura by request, notice that?
HAve become a Dimmu Borgir fanslut, basically cos it is made of win
On the music front, am worringly suddenly aware of bands with names like Cryptopsy, Ensiferum, Tyr. It's not good I say
Developing an unhealthy obsession in b4ta (it's 1 beta...)
HAve stopped lurking (lurk moar) on Game Politics
Am taking up the role of Healer in WoW.
Am in a play that's isn't meant to be funny!
Am now a payed up toxophile
My room is a fucking tip
Am now a lighting designer
Am becoming aware I'm doing a history degree...
Still a chunky fucker
Still swearing, with much delight and relish too
Hair still to short
Still just a potato
????
Profit

Night people :)

Playing: Guitar Hero III
Reading: The Essential Lighting Handbook
Listening to: 'The Boy Who Wanted to be a Real Puppet' - Sonarctica (BSE!)
Annoyed with: CXLI+I
Mood: Could be better
Song currently stuck in head: 'ISWSIFOBAAIGWTLT-S' - Fall Out Boy (what's with the longass song titles?!)
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Kings of the Carnival Creation' - Dimmu Borgir

I. LOVE. THE. NEWS!

2007-11-15T01:31:00.001Z

One more (there's a proper post in the half finished pile, be patient) news item for you. And it's the best. Brace yourself, this one's a good one

No Oats

2007-10-31T00:09:00.000Z

I'm absolutely rubbish at taking notes I have discovered. In fact, Dauve should remember this from GCSE english (unky moe?), but at UKC it seems my ineptitude has taken further hold. Not only do I write nothing usable when out of context, I also (to alleviate boredom) write things that, when coming across them tonight) made me giggle insanely. I present these to you.

During the screening of "The Exception and the Rule" by Brecht

From Laura:
I really don't think she should do her hair like that...
That guy is INSANE
His other plays are better

Me: Patrick Troughton!
Laura: ?
Me: 2nd Doctor Who
Laura: Oh

Ever heard of DVD (a remark on the shocking quality of the video)

Great 'tache!

For one of my Seminars

(Richie need sleep. Fire make cheese)

Artaud and Freud (Artaud and Friends!)

Monkey Sex! LOTS of monkey sex!!!

Well I'm eating at 7ish, aud at 830-9. After that I'm free (I have no idea why I wrote that)

Futurists - audience riots! RARG!! Kill those with brains!

Artaud - our toad. (Ribbit!)

T3h Playgz

Stage Management. We are a doughnut. We are the jam.

Drama students rule!

Chard Checks in

2007-10-18T22:31:00.000Z

I'm in one of those moods. I don't know what kind of mood that is (and no, drunk isn't a mood so much as a 'state') and lord knows I'd rather not have it pinpointed. Though I could get Emma to psych me, but that would give me a needless diagnoses, and then I'd have to act or some shit and you'd worry and life would be better; and who wants that?!

I dunno what it is. I don't feel in anyway depressed (worry ye not, chard is going no further in his chronic emoness), but in the same way I'm not exactly skipping in glee.

Uni, i'd like to immediately qualify, has absolutely nothing to do with this feeling. If anything it's helping alleviate it; the course while strenuous is everything I wanted and more (read: movement classes are slimming me down) and the people and places are absolutely fantastic. I have a great group of friends, both inside and outside of my course, and I'm not having any of those whiny "i want to go home" urges most people seem to be getting(and fiar play to them, maybe they didn't spend ayear getting so fucking bored as I did). It's just wierd.

I'd like to qualify before i get any faux therapy from anyone - I love uni, it's all i wanted and after only 5 weeks i can see it being a fantastic chapter in my life. I guess I am feeling a little bit cheated by all the people hyping it as the 'best years ever' and finding little to support that as yet, but hey thats time. It may get better. Life may bend me over and rape me horribly (such as it's been known to do) but hey if anything else people have seen that I'm flexible enough to kick it in the face as it does so.

I guess if I'm forced to admit it, I do miss the old crowd. I miss those day's in the railway or sheep, all of us getting fucked off our faces and waking up the next morning, only to meet that evening and compare hangover notes. Admittedly i had a year adjustment period where people where gone and I could get used to the idea, but it's still odd. I mean, it wasn't all that long ago (a near as dammit 10th of my life infact). It's just odd without the crowd. In someways better in someways worse. For one thing im slimmer, but damn it im soberer...

Sod it all. I think I'm just pissed off this is the third day in the row I've failed to do my laundry and I'm now out of clothes.

The laundry basket is laughing at me...

Playing: Final Fantasy VI. Soon to be Phantom Hourglass
Reading: Every book blackwells fucking stocks..
Listening to: 'Crushcrushcrush' - Paramore
Annoyed with: Everything in that post except the punchline
Mood: Missing a halo
Song currently stuck in head: 'Science Fiction' - Rocky Horror
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Evoke' - After Forever

I'm going straight to Hell

2007-10-15T14:46:00.000Z

I won't bother linking to the story (it's not really that good) but this headline had me laughing into breathlessness:

"Diana car 'may have had a bump'"

'The mangled wreckage and 3 dead occupants? Yeh, I mean, that'll probably just buff right out...'

I love Artaud!

2007-10-14T23:28:00.001Z

Artaud was a nutter. A passage from his seminal work, The Theatre and it's Double (which I have to read for a 9am tomorrow)

Once the plague is established in a city, the regular forms collapse. There is no maintenance of roads and sewers, no army, no police, no municipal administration. Pyres are lit at random to burn the dead, with whatever means are available. Each family wants to have its own. Then wood, space, and flame itself growing rare, there are family feuds around the pyres, soon followed by a general flight, for the corpses are too numerous. The dead already clog .the streets in ragged pyramids gnawed at by animals around the edges. The stench rises in the air like a flame. Entire streets are blocked by the piles of dead. Then the houses open and the delirious victims, their minds crowded with hideous visions, spread howling through the streets. The disease that ferments in their viscera and circulates throughout their entire organism discharges itself in tremendous cerebral explosions. Other victims, without bubos, delirium, pain, or rash, examine themselves proudly in the mirror, in splendid health, as they think, and then fall dead with their shaving mugs in their hands, full of scorn for other victims.

Over the poisonous, thick, bloody streams (color of agony and opium) which gush out of the corpses, strange personages pass, dressed in wax, with noses long as sausages and eyes of glass, mounted on a kind of Japanese sandal made of double wooden tablets, one horizontal, in the form of a sole, the other vertical, to keep them from the contaminated fluids, chanting absurd litanies that cannot prevent them from sinking into the furnace in their turn. These ignorant doctors betray only their fear and their childishness.

Now THAT'S writing!

I should read the news more often..

2007-10-14T14:22:00.000Z

Another gem from BBC News. I could not stop giggling...

Just got back from Whitstable, and now i have to read a lot, so I can't say much here. Proper post soon. Pwomise...

And they say news is no longer relevant

2007-10-04T18:56:00.000Z

Browsing the respectable news outlets today, this story caught my eye.

I liked the phrase "The study suggested as a woman runs a mile, her breasts bounced 135m."

Ah the world we live in

Tales of Cauntbury, a Chardes Tale

2007-09-23T15:50:00.000Z

'sup homes?

I'm ashamed of every single one of you. You all gave me all this advice about Uni, such things like 'it'll be really fun', and 'you'll meet some great people', and let's not forget the old standard of 'you'll be fine'. I am absolutely ashamed of ALL of you for not actually giving me the biggest warning I might have needed before I arrived:

Eventually, you will fear people with leaflets!

I've been here a week, and somehow I have approaching a hundred menus, society leaflets, course timetables, general timetables and all the like, and that's not even mentioning the 500 sheets of paper I have for my printer. My table is lost under a sea of these things, and I'm not sure whether to sort them out adn chuck the ones I don't need or just keep them all in case I need them (not sure why that would be though).

But in other news, I can report I have settled in fine, Becket Court itself is lovely (shame about some of the people :P ) and my room is bigger than my one back in TMON, which is a touch I know I'm going to miss come home time. I've done a little bit of that wh0le personalisation thing, and (as a true male student should) I am glad to say that my walls are now bedecked with a poster of 80's nostalgia (Thundercats) and a poster of lesbians (vampires in this case, not that annoyingly clichéd Tanya Chalkin thing...). And then to level those out I have a print of the Metamorphosis of Narcissus on my noticeboard. Though it must be said I am seriously tempted by this

The people are good, my neighbours are funky and the people doing drama I've met so far seem to be funky (even if I am totally jealous of certain Tyler Court residents and their annoyingly massive kitchens) and hopefully everyone else I encounter along this epic voyage of discovery will remain in this similar vein. Freshers Week is a smidge overrated however me feels, but I think that just may be my channelling a certain spirit of Dauvishness

I'll let you know of things as they happen, depeneding on how much work I get (4 hour practicals! WOO!) but I'll definitely be around. Generals anyone?

Now, who's going to be the first to visit? ;)
Chard

Playing: Lemmings/ Theme Hospital
Reading: Hamlet
Listening to: 'Moving to Blackwater' - Reuben
Annoyed with: Myself
Mood: Getting better
Song currently stuck in head: 'Shamandalie' - Sonata Arctica
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Laid to Rest' - Lamb of God

Bleurgh

2007-09-04T12:24:00.000Z

Work is dull...

Legibility is overrated,,,,

2007-09-03T18:57:00.000Z

THe wonderfyul thing abotn being sprawled out on the floor whiole using a computer is that there's so much more space than there is on your bogstandard desk.to be fair this isnt difficult anyway, since my desk in the other room is usualy clogged up with all sorts of random crap: wires, letter, bank statements (should file those) food wrappers empty cups and all the like. However on the floor here thers room to just kick back and refuel, room to laty doew and enjoy all the thingsa the space has to offer. USing this space measnns I can do such random things as, oh I dont know, habving my keyboard and myself at one end of the room and the laptop at the other. THis not only ensures I have plenty of space but also that everything I type I cant see, thus rendering mistakes far more liberal to appearance in these pagse. It's quite odd, typing to an unseen screen, thuogh it doews present its problem (like the fact the last 3 lines had to be typed again becuase I didnt realise I was tpying into a norton window. THis also means (as you may have noticed) that I am far more frugal with presentation in gereal (punctuation, spacing, paragraphs etc) becuassee I cant get the visual sensde of them when blind. So, lets see how we do with this experiment hm?

Ok, things that have happoend. Had the inestimable company of Helen onFriday; and whiel this is something that is never usualy notable due to the fact it is usually pleasantly unremarkable, this particualr meeting must be noted down in these records for the simple fact that during her visit we actualyy DID things. As she wil not contest, our usual meetings generally dissolove into litle more than us sitting,/reclining somehwee of a varying degreee of comfort and talking childishly at each other and ending with her rendering me infertile with a well placed knee simply becuase I atgtacked her (bloody femininsts..) However, on friay as said, things were done and accomplished! First off we jaunted into Bromley, that most amazing habven of Cahvs and single mothers with afges in the single digits, while I hunted for camaras and she hunted for cheap but orgasmic chocolate (which does not, for the record include rum covered raisins). After heading home (onthe bus this time, cos helens legs are wusses) we sat (sorry) and watched Grosse Point Blank, which was also notable sincew helen DDINT fall asleep during it... much. I confess I didhave to prod her a litt.e. After that, we went and fetched (and then ate) food, before flyig off to teh pbuz, meeting people and company, before taking off, tasking hleen home. A full day we felt.

Other than that life has just been all about drinking, working, bit of WoW, and lots of panicking about KEnt. Not long now...

Ah well. Chard

Playing: Contact/ World of Warcraft
Reading: Nothing
Listening to: 'Symphony Nr 3 in E flat major - Beethoven
Annoyed with: Teeth
Mood: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Song currently stuck in head: 'Dance Dance' - Fall Out Boy
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Thnks fr th mmrs' - Fall Out Boy

Lap dance, chard style ;)

2007-08-29T17:13:00.000Z

Ah my darlings, my dears, my sirs my madams, my mademoiselles my lovelies, my homies and my crew, my divine and my dreary, my folks and my me.

Consider these the first words submitted to blog form from the brand-spankingly new laptop de la Chardz. For the buffs amongst you, it's one of these.

As always, I have my certain own unique opinion on such an aqcuisition as this (along with my own unique way of phrasing, and indeed spelling most of that last sentence) and such observations are as follows:

My dad rocks immensely
Vista is wierd and deeply confusing
Mostly because it's basically Mac OS X...
Mouse touchpads are absolute wank in both function design and use
Mmm shiny blue lights everywhere!

In other Chard related news, I decided to fill the journey to work with the new DS stylings of both Elite Beat Agents and Contact. EBA is possibly the most addictive game ever made, the most mad, the funkiest, the maddest and most likely the toughest game ever to grce the duel screens of my DS (which I just had to check my brother wasn't sitting on). Have yet to try Contact, that may be my going to work game tomorrow.

Love and giggles
chard and the laptop

Playing: Elite Beat Agents/Guitar Hero II
Reading: Nothing
Listening to: 'Nothing'
Annoyed with: The bastards attached to my teeth
Mood: Wooful!
Song currently stuck in head: 'No One Knows' - Queens of the Stone Age
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Freak on a Leash' - KoRn

Heeey, I remember this!

2007-08-23T19:31:00.000Z

Yes, I haven't written here in a while, we all know can we just move on and stop with the harrassing andsilly put downs now? No? Oh fine...

Hello hello once again, i must say it has been a while hasn't it? What has kept me from updating these hallowed pages, these tomes of intellect, these archives of wit? No good reason. It's kinda paradoxical actually; I'm bored, but I don't blog to releive it, thus getting more bored, thus losing the bovveredness to actually do it. But, here I am once again, hoping to jump start the creative juices with an infusion of guarana and teak.

So, things and things, what have I done? Well there was obviously New Wine in which:

I awoke at 6 everymorning, by design or otherwise
I worked with 2 year olds for aweek
I got abused by a 9 year old 14 year old
I got a 2 year old a boyfriend, only for him to dump her cos she was playing with me
A 7 (?) and a 4 year used me as a chair and spent a lot of time poking my teeth
I spent a lot of time sitting around taking the scores for Gazeball
I ate in the pub in Hot Fuzz, walked through the square in the shootout in Hot Fuzz, AND found the Church in Hot Fuzz, which believe it or not is the Parish Church of St. Cuthbert!

Since then? Work work work work work work work work. Work. Oh, and I saw Emmie the other day that was fun. And I saw Ami twice since New Wine, once crashing one of her rehearsals (that show is gonna be GOLD) and the other in t'pub on results day (well done her and her friends) and even had the previously unexperienced experience of driving 3 drunk girls, ranging in drunkeness from vomity (Amy) to cynically sober (Ami) home. Games days have been in full swing as usual (Guitar hero II and MarioParty 8 adding somewhat to the fun) and arses have been liberally kicked. Seen very little of Helen and Sarah, such seeming to be the quickly establishing norm, seen some of Stompp, even being a prestidigous guest at one of his gatherings, which meant all his friends had the joy of meeting little old me! All good fun and the violence for dominance of the pack was thankfully short and sweet.

Music! Ah yes, Chard has been expanding his music collection by way of Amazon and Dauve.coms. New revelations have been found (Tristania and After Forever), old alliances made stronger (Paramore, Sonarctica and Sirenia) and even as of yesterday, owning the new Nightwish single! Not that I hadn't heard it anyway, but still, pride of ownership and all that. And FIlms! Odeon proudly boast that 2007 is the 'Summer of Cinema' and they have been right! IN the last few months I have seen Harry Potter (utter fucktripe), Die Hard (*ecstatic shudder*) Transformers (Ok, but obviously filmed by someone very nervous) The Simpsons (like a long episode, but with Bart's penis). Films films films!

Hm, is that all... have I caught up enough... *czechs calender* ooh, Steve B's party, which between discussion with Owen about the Ubermensch Charles Lamb and fierce debate on religious beliefs with wierd people made for the funniest alcohol fueled night of some time.

Aaaand that's it. All I leave you with new is the question "what is with the recreational eating of peanuts" and this little flash animation which has helped me through some pretty tough times.

'chard

Ah crap, sorry I forgot, I have a place to live in Kent now. If you want me I am at:

144 Becket Court
University of Kent
Canterbury
Kent
CT2 7NS

Email: rms9@kent.ac.uk

Make me feel loved loves!

chard

Playing: Guitar Hero II/ Pokémon
Reading: Nowt
Listening to: 'La historia del mamut'
Annoyed with: my braces, change the record
Mood: Full
Song currently stuck in head: 'Meridian' - Sirenia
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'The Shining Path'/'Fences'/'Sister Nightfall'/'Sahara' - Tristania, Paramore, Sirenia, Nightwish

I have nothing to apologise for

2007-07-12T21:07:00.000Z

Enjoy

Testosterone Poisoning

2007-07-04T23:03:00.000Z

I wish to write a small message of recommendation.

I urge all those proud to call themselves men to go and see the macho fueled cinematic treat that is Die Hard 4.0

This film oozes testosterone do much you would think it was a hormone factory. It has it all; bullets, explosions, fights, boobs (could have done with more), fighters, big cars, bigger guns, hot females, Bruce Willis...

I feel like a hamster...

Post script

2007-06-27T19:39:00.000Z

I forgot to tell you why the girl doing the quizzing in the George was so annoying!

Basically, she would ask the question, and leave us time to think about it and write anaswers down. Then, she would exclaim: "I'll repeat that again", and give us the question for a second time.

NO. No you won't! You WON'T repeat it again, because you haven't repeated it a first time!!!

Noone else knew quite what I was getting so worked up about...

Also, is this amusing or not? Answers on a postcard

Diolch yn fawr

2007-06-27T10:26:00.000Z

I don't know why that title is in Welsh. You can blame my brother who, having returned from the place where sheep need fear for their innocence, has taken to communicating in some bizarre tongue. It's ancient inflections and bestial accents, forged in ancient times by pagan scribes, huddled around the blue flame of the village fire as the ethereal smoke wafts up to the night sky in a smokey hue; the shamans intone their wicked chants and cast their runes in the dust, 100 innocent virgins lined up to be sacrificed to the nether realm. That or he's speaking welsh. But what do I know?

Chard has been a busy busy busy bunny. In fact, that's rubbish, he hasn't been a bunny at all. He's still been human, but a particularly busy one. Such is that previous sentence rendered useless.

It's raining outside. I prune my non-trees with non-sequiturs.

Once a Catholic is over! Yes indeed, and it is a sad fact to be sure. Ne'er again will Cuthbert grace the stage in his flowing dressing gown of pure silk, ne'er again will Derek charm his way into the Bristol cities of Mary Mooney before proposing to Mary McGinty, ne'er again will Mr Emmanuelli proclaim his wish for the nuns to be raped by the police while Father Mullarkey splutters his lines out over a bottle of whiskey, ne'er again will Mary Gallagher have to listen to Cuthbert spout random crap and then have to endure receiving a sharp whack with a (hard) copy of the Scottish play, never again will 3 little maids from school annoy the hell out of the rest of the cast and crew, and never again will 3 nuns rule life for Our Lady of Fatima with their strict, obviously lesbian ways.

Sarah is in Argentina, though she has the Internet and thus the power to annoy me (i kid i kid), and will be until aaaages away from now. I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I thought she might like to be included in my random blathering this morning.

God it's actually morning... something's wrong with me... non-pruning shears....

Helen is BACK from Italy! She missed nothing but once a catholic, and appears to have spent her entire time up towers, in domes and seeing mint humbugs. Unfortunately, being back she is no longer safe, and I feel it is my solemn duty to annoy her. Mwahaha.

AHA! A story! Interesting things to be told! See below:

NO not here, this is just me saying 2 things annoying me, the interesting bit is below, go further down.

Nightwish!! STOP TEASING US! we are but mere mortals!
Bromley Little Theatre! Put those reviews of OaC up! Stop tormenting I!

Interest:

I've had a very interesting few days. I guess it starts at about 7.30 Sunday. So let's go there. I spent the evening with Rob, Tom and I working hard on the pub quiz while listening to Chris and Nick argue violently. I wasn't really listening much, but the argument seemed to eventually boil down to:

Chris: "I think this because of this"
Nick: "But I don't agree with that, I think this"
Chris: "I get what you're saying, but this means that that must be this"
Nick: "OK, I see where you're coming from, but I think this"
Chris: "I respect that you think this, but I think this"
Nick: "You are entitled to think that, but I subscribe to this view"
Chris: "Fiddlededee and forsooth, for I ponder thus wise"
Nick: "Giggles and glee, for see my thinking now as this"
Tom: "Guys did she say Kurdistan or Uzbekistan?"
Chris "TOM SHUT UP! SHUT THE F*CK UP YOU PRICK GOD YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!"

I thought the entire proceeding was pretty damn funny. And we didn't win the quiz.

So, Monday. I woke up and felt my tummy a rumblin'. So I did my particulars of hygiene, and went and ate. After eating I was sitting there feeling like a fat lazy b'stard (nothing new) so I packed up my stuff in an old kit back and decided that time was right to go for a walk to replenish my appetite and feed my body with some relaxation. So off I set. After about 3 minutes I felt a vibration and I answered my phone and talked to Rob for a bit. After agreeing to go to his after my walk I went into T62 (locked) and carried on through the park toward Coney Hall. At this point it started to piss it down with rain (relatively, considering elsewhere) so I diverted my course and ducked into FancyDressMe.com to annoy Simon and Emily for a while while waiting for the inclement weather to subside. I felt another vibration in my pocket; from Ami this time. Apparently she'd seen me walking around. Well, it had to be statistically impossible for no one to see me (I am visible I think), but I replied, and she replied and so on and so forth. Anyway, it got to the point where we arranged to meet in Bromley. First I went to Rob's to honour his invitation, and after getting my arse completely handed to me on both Mortal Kombat and Mario Strikers, he went to wash his hair and get changed (took about an hour) before we boarded the 119 to our destination. We met up with Ami and her friends (all lovely people, none of whom lynched me but all of whom now probably think I'm gay, how does that keep happening) for a while, sat and chatted while Rob used them to persuade me to going to Lloyds that night for the birthday celebrations of Monsieur Trimmings

It must be said here and now. I detest Lloyds with all my heart and my very living soul. A den of inequity and chavs, the service and produce poor. And they don't let me in on Thursdays to Saturdays.

So, after a quick stop in Waitrose to say hello to people there, Rob and I (Ami and that lot are underage so we left them somewhere in Bromley) went into Lloyds to despair and drink. And so we did until Liam, Sean Alex and Kat turned up. We said various hellos and greetings and proceeded to take the sofas. Various people showed up and whatso. At this point (2020) Rob and I decided that, being the peckish people we probably were, that we should order food. This food arrived at about 2215. Strike 1 Lloyds. While waiting for the food, I was waiting at the bar for 50 minutes. Strike 2. I probably wouldn't have been served at all if I hadn't shown off a bit of skin for the barmen. Honestly! So, other than the company it wasn't an amazing evening.

Tuesday, I worked myself to the marrow as per usual, somehow reduced the lunchroom to fits of childish laughter simply by asking Anita how full her sacks were (seriously, what's wrong with that?!) and after the day I came home. After some recuperation I donned my clean white shirt of power and drove off to Sarah's to see her and Evelyn. After about... 3 hours of watching them beautify themselves (which is foolish since they're gawjus anyway) we and the Greenhalgh Chris ventured to the George. Which is basically the railway with different people and a different shape. I kid you not. Twas decided again we'd battle our way through Tuesday's quiz (same as the Railway's) and again, we failed to win. We then all went our respective ways and I drove around for a while with music blaring at a respectable level of volume. Was rather nice.

And now I am sitting here writing absolute crap again. If you made it far without breaking out into convulsions I admire your central nervous system's tenacity. I shall no doubt see you all soon

ch'd

Playing: Guitar Hero II
Reading: 'Coming Soon' -BLT.com
Listening to: 'Your God' - Stone Sour
Annoyed with: Not much
Mood: Tired yet hyper...
Song currently stuck in head: 'Madhouse' - Anthrax
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Amaranth' - Nightwish. NOW GIVE US IT YOU BASTARDS!

Once a Catholic - Take 1

2007-06-14T22:39:00.000Z

Yes tonight was the charity performance for Once a Catholic at Bromley Little Theatre. It went very well, with only one or two minor hiccups/observations:

Ami and I are SO gonna run out of things to talk about before those house lights go down
The Prompt needs a prompt.
Stage lights are still hot
Audiences don't always laugh at everything, and yet they laugh at the strangest things...
That sofa needs brakes

So it all went well and we hope for good (paying) audiences and succesful shows for the rest of the run.

Just don't let there be anymore priests in the audience...

'Nightwish, you are spoiling us with these Ferrero Rocher'

2007-05-26T16:37:00.000Z

Nightwish have been very good to us. We don't deserve it, we know. They make their music, we buy it, noone owes anyone. Then they kicked out Tarja, and then there was an underground media shitstorm. People ranted, women cried; each side summoned a mighty army, and long and bloody war was fought. Thousands were put to death while the skies rained the blood of the slain down from the heavens. It seemed the world was at an end, that the Apocalypse had been wrought. After a while, some people suddenly got the niggling feeling that they may have overreacted, just a smidge. So the issue died down, and a quiet descended over the metal world. Nightwish quietly retreated back to Finland, minus Ms Turunen, and got to work doing what they do best; sitting in Tuomas' place in Kitee and getting completely hammered. And writing songs in the meantime. But eventually it became obvious that without Tarja (and with Marco being breastically challenged) a new singer would be needed to usher in the new age of Nightwish, an age clouded in uncertainty and hostility, an age that is drawing ever closer.

It's 4 months until the new album is released. It's been a year and a half since Tarja was (arguably unceremoniously) booted out. And it's been relatively... quiet. We knew they were auditioning for new singers and writing the material, but it just seems to have been lacking any real... hype. Not that I'm complaining; hype has ruined the reputations of many artists and albums. But Nightwish are THE biggest metal act in Europe. I for one, expected something a little less reclusive. Heck, the album doesn't even have a name yet.

And now our tale comes to the last few days. Thursday, to be exact. The situation was no different than it had ever been. We knew only that Nightwish had a new (unannounced) vocalist. We knew the album was near completion. We even knew of the first single, 'Eva' which was going to be released as a download only single to raise money for charity. We knew Ghost Love Score was being dwarfed by something bigger. But that was it.

And now, after all this quiet, Nightwish have done something quite astonishing. Something that, if it had been handled badly, would have absolutely killed them. They came out of the media secrecy like a thundercloud. They stopped being all 'hush-hush' and started screaming at us. In the space of mere hours they held out 34 seconds of 'Eva' for us. We had enough time to listen and form opinions of the song, and certain forums were alive with people discussing the new singer. We finally knew for SURE she was female. Then, Nightwish not only gave us her name; they gave us photos, they gave us a video greeting from her personally (even slyly giving us a shot of Marco, Toumas and Jukka at the end to stop people calling it fake), they even gave us an entire factfile on her. And she told us that the album was finished. They were deluging us with treats. And they weren't nearly done.

The next day they tell us that Eva was out to buy. Five days before it was scheduled. This was mostly to stem the flood of P2P downloads, but even so, it was a treat. And then the same day, they give us three more samples, two nearly a minute long. They shut the mouths of all the naysayers slighting 'Eva' for being a ballad (vitriol spewed on this topic later) by giving us three tracks remniscient of thier heavier work. Nightwish were obviously watching the complaints, and moved to quickly shut the complainers up.

We knew much more than we did barely 36 hours earlier. We had our new singer, with a name and a face. We had the name of five of the fourteen promised tracks. We could even own one of them for our very own, with the promise of another in August. In my view, Nightwish had decided to launch themselves back into being talked about. They wanted to generate another media storm on the same level, if not a larger one than they had to deal with after they booted Tarja. They wanted to tell us 'Nightwish are back', and they wanted to tell us that with 400 feet tall, flaming letters imprinted on our brains.

As I stated at the start of this post, we didn't deserve any of this. Take issue with that all you want, but as I see it Nightwish could have waited until late August for all of this. We ranted at length about Tarja, and they reply with all of the above. Call it media spin and marketing all you like, but even so they're giving us more information about the album (still without a name) and more delectable bites from it than they did with Once, more than I've known a band to do. They're reassuring us that Tarja may be gone, but Nightwish is still very much alive and rocking.

Some people have a problem with that. Not with all the samples and the single, no they're lapping that up as they should, being fans. No, they have a problem with Anette. I have argued with several people in several places on this issue, and all their arguments were the same. So, me being the rational person I am, I'm going to put all my thoughts here and ignore the rest of the arguments. These are all arguments I've actually read.

"She'll never replace Tarja"

Of course she won't. She was never going to. Tarja was kicked out in November of 2005, and we've had a year and a half to get used to that idea. Whoever they brought in was never going to be exactly the same, and we knew that. Anette is not Tarja, and she doesn't sing like Tarja, but that doesn't mean she isn't right for the job. Tarja is gone, get over it.

"Nightwish have moved to a 'poppier' style"

'Kingmichael', you're a spanner, kindly take a knife and put it through your head. Listen to Britney and then tell me Nightwish sound like that. Do they? No. God that point annoys me...

"Anette makes Nightwish's music terrible"

The music that was written before she was chosen and had no control over? Yeh that makes sense.

"Eva is too sappy/ballady/slow for Nightwish"

Two for Tragedy. Angels Fall First. Forever Yours. Swanheart. Sleeping Sun. Dead Boy's Poem. Away. Kouloma Tekee Taiteilijan. The Forever Moments. You're a spanner.

"Nightwish have gone Within Temptation"

That's a bad thing? Even if you don't like WT, does that really mean you should start hating Nightwish? Cos they sound too much like a band you don't like? Bands that are in the same genre? Bands that play the same goddamn type of music?! Knife. Head. NOW.

God, people annoy the hell out of me sometimes...
chard

Playing: Pokémon Diamond
Reading: 'The Time Traveller's Wife' -Audrey Niffenegger
Listening to: 'mOBSCENE' - Marilyn Manson
Annoyed with: People
Mood: Ill
Song currently stuck in head: '7 Days to the Wolves' - Nightwish
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Amaranth' - Nightwish

Placeholder

2007-05-24T21:37:00.000Z

My special review is coming, but in the meantime, I have a few things to say:

To Mr "Temperature-above-18-degrees". FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF AND DIE IN A DITCH!!! Kisses and lollipops, chard.
To Nightwish. Thank you for not being malicious by only teasing us with 38 seconds of Eva today. Thank you for revealing the new singer to us. Thank you for making sure she didn't look too much like a horse, meaning she looks better than Tarja, but still leaving Sharon and Christina as the ultimate vixens of Metal.
To September. NO offense dude, I love you being the ninth month and all, but you could... I dunno, scooch up a little? I mean, 4 months is a long time, and I kinda wanna be both at uni and listening to the new Nightwish album kinda about... now? So, yeh, If you could.
To Alcohol. Oh my god. Just. Oh. Just. Oh my god. Thank you for existing. Oh my god. You rule dude. You tha man. You tha man.
To Dad. Yeh...how to say this? Um... nutmeghasnopetrolandIbackedintoawallandthebumperiskindascraped...so...sorry...
To my lines. Could you guys, like, learn me for a bit? That might work.

Love and Louvres
Chard

Playing: Pokémon Diamond
Reading: 'The Time Traveller's Wife' -Audrey Niffenegger
Listening to: 'Welcome to the Black Parade' - My Chemical Romance
Annoyed with: The heat
Mood: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Song currently stuck in head: 'Der Mitternachtslowe' - Therion
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Eva' - Nightwish

(now lets have the real thing!)

Life

2007-05-20T20:06:00.000Z

Listening to Off the Cuff as I write this, which is playing some awesome stuff. I advise anyone who doesnt regularly listen to get their lives straight.

It's been a while. This chard has been lazy. And he is sorry.

What have I been up to then? Well, I bought 2 books, The Time Travellers Wife by Audrey Niffenegger which I may stop reading, go buy a notebook, start reading again and then take copius notes to make sure my head is getting around the madness. I'm not that far into it, but already I heartily recommend it. The other book some of you know about, some of you don't. But I shall not go into it much. Because I will be presenting you with a review in all good time. You shall see.

A massive amount of my life (80 hours so far) now has been taken up by Pokémon Diamond, which despite being EXACTLY the same core gameplay as all the rest, is still an absolutely superb game. And Jon and Rob will be defeated. Oh yes. The apprentice will finally become the master.

Also I have been deep in rehearsals for the next awesome show, Once a Catholic. This play is absolutely hysterical, so I implore each and everyone of you to come and see it, and then to complain loudly at me for being associated with such a heretical rag. Its on at 7.45pm from the 15th to the 23rd of June at Bromley Little Theatre.

And now, most importantly, I'm eating dinner. So ciao benitos!

chard

Playing: Pokémon Diamond
Reading: 'The Time Traveller's Wife' -Audrey Niffenegger
Listening to: 'Zerstoren' - Rammstein/ Off the Cuff
Annoyed with: Nothing really
Mood: Moof
Song currently stuck in head: 'Our Lady of Sorrows' - My Chemical Romance
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'A Vampire's Lament' - Atreyu

Happy Birthday!!!

2007-04-26T23:15:00.000Z

It is now the 27th of April 2007.

10 years ago today, Duke Nukem Forever was announced.

It still has not been released.

Happy Birthday! You old vaporware sausage!

Come on 3D Realms... you seriously don't think anyone want's to play it anymore do you?

Should be asleep

2007-04-25T23:51:00.000Z

Isn't www.fishing.net rather amusing a URL?

Absolutely freakin' chuffed!

2007-04-25T12:04:00.000Z

Managed to pick up Diablo (the first one!) for PS1 for the outrageous price of a whole 99 pennies! And also Lego Star Wars II for only £15!

Consider this chard pickled tink!

Just so you know

2007-04-23T21:56:00.000Z

The performance wasn't a total disgrace. That should lighten your spirits for when you all come and see it. Which you are. Right?

Because I can

2007-04-21T22:36:00.000Z

It occured to me about 5 minutes ago that I had never spat out coffee (or indeed, any liquid) upon the hearing of shocking news, nor had I recieved bonus points for doing so into the face of someone else in the proximity. The potential for slapstick is seriously wasted in me.

So what has the chard been up to? The lamentations of having everyone haul their sorry asses back to universities of choice have obviously been much on my mind. Heck, even Sarah is in Oxford tonight, so I really must be doing something wrong, but eh. To be fair it would have been less anticlimatic a farewell if... well, if there'd actually been much of one. Not to say that there weren't any opportunities for a bittersweet waving off, there were plenty. Almost every day I would get a text saying "Hey, tonight?", or " and tomorrow?", to the point where I (as of writing) have a template in my phone that simply says "Sorry, busy, have a good one".Or words to that effect.

Not that I'm complaining about having work or rehearsals. (I knew 2 months ago that the 2 weeks before show are the most hectic, with people running about half dressed, Stage Managers panicking that the books are wher the actors know they are and moving them to where she thinks they should be (ASM remaining stoically violent about the whole thing), costume eagle telling me that braces were worn with the intention on making the wearer look oh-so-fucking-stupid (to which everyone else in the room disagrees... even those alive then) and finally the general moment when tech turns on the lights for the first time and you think you hear dead relatives beckoning you into the blinding lights while the whole hall becomes an oven. And work is always fun. Well, I say fun. It's as fun as I make it. God bless my imagination! Longest parenthesis ever! Totally misused to! Screw you Grammar Nazis and up your's Apostrophe KKK!) It's just that people's scheduling hasn't really been helpful to seeing all the people I've been without for a good few months. For example:

Dave J: 5 occasions
Dauve: 4 occasions
Helen: 3 occasions
Chris C: 2 occasions!

Ok so Chris isn't at uni, but ya get me. Ah well, roll on Ubar Summ0rz the 2cnd

Iiiiiiiiiiin other news; I, Chard, Trainer number 45202 (yes, I have that memorised) at 2.37am on the 21st April 2007 after a game time of 37 hours, 31 minutes and 4 seconds, defeated Wallace to become the new Hoenn Region Pokémon League Champion. Aiding me in this endeavour against the Elite 4 and the Champion were my loyal team:

Rayquaza, National Pokédex Number 384, Level 71
Blaziken, Nat.Dex No 257, Lv. 49
Azumarill, Nat.Dex No 184, Lv. 31
Aggron, Nat.Dex No 306, Lv. 42
Manectric, Nat.Dex No 310, Lv 43
Gardevoir, Nat. Dex No 282, Lv. 36

All performed admirably; the battles were tough, with each opponent inching still closer to my destruction (cos DAMN is Drake's Salamence fast...) but being the cocky arse I am I wasn't too worried, and now Hoenn is open to me to rule as I choose. Though I did just go back and take down Wallace again, just to really rub his face in it. And level up my Beldum. But hey.
Damn I'm a nerd.

Ah well, that's my change from a $10 spent on $9.98 worth of goods. I'll let you get back on with life and I'll get back to reading the PvP archives. Had a really dull day..
But at least I now have Final Fantasy III and Pokémon Diamond preordered. Let the good times roll.

Oh and, another thing. "I am a human Dalek." What. The. Fuck?! A line on par with "No... it's because I'm so in love with you" and "Well from my point of view the Jedi are evil!". I think I'm having acid reflux just thinking of it...

Night all
'chard

Playing: Pokémon Emerald
Reading: PvP
Listening to: 'October' - Evanescence
Annoyed with: Anyone who decided to have a Dalek/Human cross that WASN'T Davros. I mean, come ON!
Mood: Alone
Song currently stuck in head: 'Creature' - Atreyu
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'The Truth Beneath the Rose' - Within Temptation

GameWTFaqs?

2007-04-20T17:22:00.000Z

I love the clarity involved in the making of some of GameFAQS guides

You can throw Master
Ball and make this battle very very easy, but I recommend you leave it for
other occasions, but this will be the strongest pokemon so using a Master
Ball is okay, but try to catch him with a Super Ball, and if it doesnt work
you could use Master Ball.

Outstanding

Pre Post Within Temptation Post

2007-04-14T22:34:00.000Z

Just got home from WT, and am hot, tired and eating. Was freaking amazing, played everything and everything, SDA was gawjus as usual, and I even got the pleasure of bumping into the T62 lighting technician outside the venue.

I am however in the midst of a crisis with an Oxenham so I can't put up photos or go into much detail, so i will do that tomorrow (hence this being a pre-post post, not a post post).

But at least I'm alive :D

Pre-Within Temptation Checklist

2007-04-14T13:15:00.000Z

Camera?

Charging and memory filled.

Shoes?

Tied securely. After my memorable journey home after A7X with a sock filled with the Metro, I don't really want to have to shell out for another pair just yet.

Phone?

Charged, though lacking credit, due to certain lethargy on the part of Finance. Though since this is normal for my phone im not exactly worryied about this.

Mohoney?

Some, not as much as I should have. Damn Edie.

DSlite?

Obviously not taking it with me, but damned if im not gonna end a good night by getting that Blaziken to Lvl50.

Socks?

Polka dotty.

Hair?

Missing.

Let the good times roll!

September

2007-04-10T23:41:00.000Z

Today almost convinced me that Theatre 62 might be the thing I miss most at uni.

Pity.

The Police Federation Idiots Guide to Changing your Clock

2007-03-27T22:14:00.000Z

As we all should be aware, the clocks went forward on Sunday. But what does that actually mean? As Wikipedia so sexually puts it:

Daylight saving time (DST), or summer time in British English, is the convention of advancing clocks so that afternoons have more daylight and mornings have less

So, that makes sense no? It essentially means we end up with the maximum amount of sun during the day as possible, for reasons such as conserving energy, improving driving visibility etc. It even meant that for the first time, I walked to a Tuesday rehearsal at t62 in daylight! Magic!

However, some people do find 1 problem with the whole thing. And that problem is the physical changing of our analogue clocks. Nowadays our computers and digital clocks are sophistamacated enough to change themselves in accordance with the rules of DST. But those pesky ol' school ones just sit there, incorrect, for a good 6 months unless we do it ourselves.

So, Monday morning at the Police Federation. There I am doing my usual routine of cleaning up and restocking, waiting for Paul to arrive and give me any specific jobs I have to do. And he does, and he does. One of which is to go around all the offices and change their clocks. Depending on how well you know me (and let's face it, you're reading this aren't you?) you can imagine the incredulity which I generated upon hearing this innocuous request. Suffice it to say, the phrase "Can they not do it themselves?" was repeated with increased amusement. My colourful language and rantings went unnoticed however and I grabbed me my stepladder and set off. Besides anything, it was a good way to kill time (pun oh so intended) and killing time equals less boredom.

The Print room, gawblessem, were saints and had, in fact, changed all 3 clocks themselves. Even mum, with her back managed it (Hi mum!). To sum up, there were about 30 clocks I managed to find. 5 of which had been changed by their respective owners, leaving me to advance PolFed forward in time little over an entire day. So, with Tuesday now in full swing, I was left to rant and plan this post.

Now, obviously there were forgivenesses for those who couldn't reach their clocks (some were, after all, pretty high), or admitted to having forgotten about the change (although that just made me wonder how they were on time that morning). However, I still was of the opinion that it was just in these people's interest for their clocks to be changed as soon as possible, and therefore, if noone else had done it, for them to do it themselves. I mean, the clock is wrong, you want it to be right for work and general timekeeping purposes, so you change it. That just seemed to make logical sense in my head. They didn't really need me (or Paul) to do it for them, especially since it meant my restocking duties were cancelled (leaving one employee to repeatedly harangue us about a lack of stock in one toilet). You know why there wasn't any? Cos I was changing your clock!. It took me some serious restraint to not launch into my soapbox routine, therefore, when one person whose clock was in easy reach said to me: "Oh thank you, I was just about to phone Paul because they weren't done". Really? So you have time to stop everything you're doing and track us down to complain about your clock not being changed, but you don't have any way to take the time out to change your own clock? (which would be much quicker, I checked).

Then, at lunch time it hit me. It was obvious. These people were leaving me to do it, not because they couldn't be bothered, or they were too busy or anything. It was simple; they weren't changing their clocks because they didn't know how!

In answer to this we here at Chard Satire in partnership with Bleeding Obvious Ltd. provide you at the Polfed, and indeed anyone else with this problem, with:

How to Change your Clock
(Not to be confused with How to Replace your Clock, which can be found here)

Welcome to CS and BO Ltd (not affiliated with AntiAntiPerspirant.com)'s guide to changing your clock. This is a simple and fun task you and your whole family can enjoy! Why not even deliberately set your clock wrong and see if your kids can change it to the write time! Fundutational! In this step by step guide, you will be easily coached right from the very beginning, so soon even the most infectiously moronic of you will be able to go from this to this! Let's begin!

1. First of all, we must identify the common household wall clock. You may know how to do this in which case feel free to skip this step, but I feel that even the best of us need a little reminder from time to time!
Your simple clock is simple to identify if you simply follow this simple checklist. Simply. Most clocks:

Are on the wall
Have a (generally) circular shape, the front of which (the bit you look at) is called the face
There are sticks moving around it. These are called hands.
Have 12 equal partitions. These are the hours. These may be divided up into minutes. (this information is void if you haven't learnt to tell the time yet. Ask your mum. Or Human Resources, who may or may not be patronising enough)

2. Now, let's see if we can find a clock using these rules.

This is not a clock. It is not on the wall, it is not circular, and there is a complete lack of the moving sticks.

This is a little better. It is however, a lightswitch. While it is on the wall, it matches no other rule.

A picture. Very close though! Maybe you should concentrate on searching for rules 2 and 3.

While this does have a face and hands, it is not on the wall. Nice try though.

Ah yes! Now this is a clock!

3. Now we have found our clock, we must look at how to change it. Take it off the wall, and look at the back

You will see there is a battery pack and motor.

4.If there is no battery go and get one.

5. You will also see there is a little dial (the circular bit). This can turn to move the hands faster, allowing for the change of the time. Give it a go!

6. And here you see the finished clock, the time set forward an hour!

7. Try it yourself!

And there you have it PolFed. Now, in the autumn, maybe you can take some time out of your usual "bitch about relationships" and "discuss the news" times and change your clocks yourself.

Finished FFXII. Started it again. I'm getting that Zodiac Spear. +150 ATK and +5 EVA with Critical hits? Thankyouverymuch.

Playing: Fainaru Fantajī Tuerubu
Reading: Fainaru Fantajī Tuerubu Walkthrough
Listening to: 'Gothic Kabbalah' - Therion
Annoyed with: Clocks.
Mood: Awesome
Song currently stuck in head: 'The Royal City Of Rabanastre - Town Ward Upper Stratum' - Hitoshi Sakimoto
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Hell and Consequences' - Stone Sour

LVI

2007-03-15T17:46:00.000Z

With the addition of:

Least I Could Do (Sex sex sex and humour)
+EV (Poker humour. Who knew?)
Planet Karen (The diary of a Nemi alike living in Bristol)
Questionable Content (S*P, but more indie and less mean spirited)
Crimson Dark (Joss Whedon's Firefly in webcomic form)
Punch 'n Pie (Pint sized sequel to Queen of Wands)
The Broken Mirror (DESPRESSING. Do not read if easily disturbed...)

I have broken the 50 mark for regularly read webcomics. Go me. Links to the side.

Life in sentences!

'Nine Destinies and a Downfall' by Sirenia is a good album.
As is 'The Heart of Everything' by Within Temptation.
Interrobang is the best name for a piece of punctuation ever.
Tittle is second.
Doing your own laundry on a whim with no obligation is amazingly surreal
Waking up at 930 after License grinding until 3am is just ridiculous
God himself invented Spaghetti hoops.
Marmite Sandwiches are so in
FFXII is stealing my free time
So is Facebook
Noone is on MSN
Noone is talking to me
The Google search suggestion thing in Firefox never ceases to amaze me
Death Wish is the perfect end to a man's night in
I am feeling happy.

chard

PolFed is full of crap

2007-03-08T18:14:00.000Z

No, I'm not being Paulish and disparaging my place of employment. 'tis in fact a most marvellous place. BUt I'll get to the reason of the title later. Kinda like how they have the film after all those trailers. The old philosophy of 'if the line's this long it's got to be good'. So, how long can I make this line?

So, Final Fantasy XII! (3 hour wait from this point...) Ah yes my lovelies, my raisin d'etre, my magnum opus, my Stairway to Heaven, my Return of the King. Well, sort of. Not so much the last 3. OR any of them. But, it is pretty darn sweet. It is however, fecking rock hard, to the point where I've been in danger of waking my parents in the wee hours (not ALWAYS before work of course) with my screams of "FRAN USE CURAGA YOU STUPID WOMAN" or my personal favourite "VAAN YOU CHISLED MONEYMAN, YOUVE GOT A CROSSBOW, YOU DON'T NEED STAND TOE TO TOE WITH A FECKING DRAGON!!!". Which he does. All the fecking time. Ah well, Balthier has Raise gambitted. He usually uses it in time...

But yes, it's certainly different. Lots of not doing much, lots of grinding for a bare pittance of Gil. But, it's all compensated with everything games should have: great graphics, good gameplay, and Fran's older sister. Who. Is. HOT. CAn't find a pic, but still. 'Tsmoking', as Fran would lisp.

84 Charing Cross Road Rehearsals have started! Ah yes indeed, the days I've been longing for since Cinderella ended (all of... 3 months ago? That can't be right... no, no that's right... huh...) have reared their heads, and already my script is adorned with my usual scrawl in the margins detailing exactly HOW I should come in, take an invoice off Amy/Megan, and walk out again 6 seconds later. And these annotations are of course very useful, especially the one for my entrance on page 25 which reads somewhat neutrally "Apparantly I should have books here...". Still, the cast all seem like good people (I say seem, they may yet turn out to be evil...) and Bill isn't even nearly as Eveil as Eve was, so things seem hopeful! I even seem to have my old ASM hanging around again, making some excuse about props to explain her hanging around t62 permanently. Nah I kid, she's lovely is our Ellyroo, even if she did give me a severe beating on Tuesday. Actually, I have a massive bruise on my knee, was that you? Rehearsal in an hour as well...

So yes, your good friend chard is indeed now in gainful employ! For moneys! You know how amazing that is?! I don't actually get paid until monday, but still, it's a nice thought. £6 an hour, 9-4 ish Tuesday's and Thursdays (though I seem to be doing a lot of Fridays as well). And what exactly are the Police Federation of England and Wales having me do for this allowance?

Refilling Toilet Roll Holders
Reflling Hand Towel things
Refilling liquid soap things
Hulking around large sacks of paper (which shreds your hands up no end)
Refilling water coolers (bottles at 18.5kg a go, up stairs? Not to be sniffed at)
Making sure people have the things so they can refill their own damn coffee
Anything Harry can find, filing, moving paper/deliveries etc etc
Drinking tea

However, today I had to do something I had been putting off for a few days (Paul me boss commented on this fact when they overflowed on Tuesday, so I wasn't getting away from it today) and something that, if you hadn't guessed, is what inspired the lovely title. Cos, lovely a place as it is, PolFed really IS. So, what was it i was doing? (Some of you have no doubt ventured guesses at this point, so I'm sure you're sitting there either laughing hysterically, or looking quite concerned, or not doing any work you should be doing on the pretext of getting your coffee drunk this morning. Hello mum.)

Yup! Little me was clearing out the drains of gunk and water! Now, let me make it clear. Paul ASSURED me that there wasn't anything... 'unhygienic' in there, just a lot of water and vegetation and the like from the trees. I would like to ASSURE you that I think he was telling the truth. But, oh god it stank. It stank so bad, I'm not even sure his assurances had any wieght whatsoever. I mean, come on...

...your guess is as good as mine... Actually, I tihnk my face says it all:

Don't I look happy?!!!!!!!!!!

Paul has actually developed the habit of being in Leatherhead pretty much once everyday since I've been there, pretty much leaving me to fend for myself and use 'nitiative (it builds character). This does however tend to backfire, as today illustrated: he left a list of things to do (including the drains, and also dismantling a fan and cleaning it) to leave me occupied until lunch. I was pretty much done by the 10.30 break. But ah well, it's not harm done. Gives me time to double check, think of other things to do, learn where everything is in this labyrinthine complex, and otherwise think of more ingenious ways of wasting time. In fact, this kind of culminated today, when I got bored with some stationary and decided to be creative:

I present Chards image of Man, sculpted lovingly from 2 bulldog clips and a stapler remover! Of course, bulldog clips got me thinking of man's best friend, so I decided to invest in a delicious pun:

Meet Bulldog Clip Man's Bulldog Clip bulldog, Clip! (try saying that 3 times fast underwater while makin love to a snail!) I even gav him a lead so he could be taken for walks across verdant green files

Trevilla at this point gave me a look that pretty much told me I was being silly, so I desisted.

A big shout out to Mah Print Room area homies, Harry, Shirley, Steve, Margeret (when she appears) Mum, Trevilla and Paul!

And that's me caught up! (oh no wait, i also got into kent, silly me!). Will no doubt post again in a month. Got to go eat now and then go rehearse, see ya'll later, and for a parting gift have some song lyrics!

This Flesh a Tomb
Atreyu

I feel eyelashes on my cheek
They lacerate my flesh,
A pain so good.
So put your hand in mine, never let go,
Never wake up ‘cause I’m done with promises
I’m taking blood oaths.
Feels like you could kiss
My imperfections, my imperfections away.
And I would stand, stand by your side
Until the sun turns the sky
All the colors I see in your eyes.

And I’ll never need to see the sun again,
There’s enough light in your eyes to light up our little world.
So take me, take me away.
Kill me slowly, I’ll never be the same.

And I swear to you, on everything I am,
And I dedicate to you all that I have
And I promise you that I’ll stand right by your side
Forever and always until the day I die.
The bite marks on my neck never felt so good.
I’m losing control
And it’s all that I can do not to blackout
Fall into lust with you.
Your kisses infect me.
The dark gift is loving you,

And I’ll never need to see the sun again,
There’s enough light in your eyes to light up our little world.
So take me, take me away.
Kill me slowly, I’ll never be the same.

And I feel immortal
And I want to make you feel the same.
So stand by me as we immolate.
We can burn in each other’s arms.
And I feel immortal
And I want to make you feel the same.
So stand by me as we immolate.
We can burn in each other’s arms.

Night night!
Chard

Playing: Fainaru Fantajī Twelve
Reading: Kent booklets
Listening to: 'Trial by Fire' - Blind Guardian
Annoyed with: Hunger
Mood: Knackered
Song currently stuck in head: 'This Flesh a Tomb' - Atreyu
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Tuna 1613' - Therion

Drunk

2007-02-14T00:01:00.000Z

I';m drunk, so forgive me for the spelling errors, thew fallacies and the general whao shouldnt say thats.

Its 1 past midnight, so I'd like to say:

THANK YOU SAINT VALENTINE FOR GETING YOUR HEART RIPPED OUT THAT MEN EVERYWHERE SHOULD SFFER THE SAME FATE EVERY YEAR IN YOUR NAME.

C*nt.

Chard is bored.

2007-02-09T23:43:00.000Z

Very bored. In fact, I'm not sure you could quantify my boredom with any number or with any scale. I am so bored I just finished watching a silent film (Harold Lloyd, rather devoid of lobster-like features this time), reading another set of webcomic archives while attempting to work my way through a 1500 piece jigsaw with my mother. I was this bored yesterday (despite the snow (snow!)) and the day before and very possibly the day before. And this is not a good thing. When I get bored I do one of two things; I either sleep or eat. Sleep is not too bad, cos it wastes a bit of time but then I spend more time awake anyway, just a little groggy. And eating is not good, cos then I at best get fat and at worst invent new sandwiches (cheese, salsa and soured cream) that would render a hippo incapable of digestion for weeks. So, for the love of my sanity and mood, someone please do something to distract me!

Although, Final Fantasy XII should be here in 2 weeks. Then you won't have me and I'll be all like "Haha! You could have had my company when I was around and bored but nooo you all had to be busy and pleasant, and now you're all like 'We want you Chard cos you're amazing and devilishly sexy and we want to do nasty things to you' (men need not apply) and I got FFXII and I dont need friends so NYAAH." Or something. I'm kinda lightheaded...

STRAIGHT HAIRED ME!!!

For yes! Saturday last was the time for festivities and fancy dressed frolicks. And partial alliteration. and ooh pretty skies somewhat:

Cant be bothered to go into details, so have a few photos. The rest are on Facebook or Flickr if you are so inclined to have a gander:

So happy 18th Sarah and let's hope you make it to 19. Not that you won't for any reason, but you know it's nice to be reassured. And lets shut up now.

SNOW! We had snow! And cats! In that order.

And I'm out of things to say. Come back soon, when I might be interesting again.

Aren't you tired of being weak?

2007-01-29T15:51:00.000Z

Such rage that you could scream all the stars right out of the sky

So what has the Chard done with himself in his limited capacity as one who is mean to do things with himself in his limited capacity as one who is mean to do things with himself? Flashback sequence!!

Last Friday I trudged wearily into the hallowed halls of Theatre 62 again (it's very quickly becoming my home away from home) for the New Member's Evening. As a new member I felt it was kinda my duty to attend, even if just to get back into my old routine of annoying the Cinderella crowd. And they were almost all there, Caroline (Cinderella), James (Press Stud), Ian-Paul (Pirate Captain), Amy (Isabella), Sharon (Margherita), Gordon (Pedro), Sandy (French Tart), Bernard (Earl), Dennis (Baron), Nikki (Fairy Godmother), Muriel (Stepmother), Lyn (Florentine), Pieter (1st Mate) and Myself (Pwinthy). Indeed only Steve and Ellyroo were missing, Steve due to laziness (even the promise of free alcohol didn't sway him, for shame) and Ellyroo cos of Karate. Still, it was a fair assembly, and we drank, nibbled, chatted, screamed at Sandy for letting Holly cut her hair (Holly's hair was GORGEOUS), screamed at Amy for cutting hers (DITTO), paid James money for tickets for his thing in March, got told various things by the head honchos (such as the Theatre was founded in 1962, see what they did there?) and met some of the people who are gonna be in 84 Charring (by now it would be past tense, so Chard?) Cross Road. Was kinda a way of bidding a final farewell to Cinders and a hey how ya doin' to 84. Still fun.

A couple of days before that I decided to go on a li'l ramble around West Wickham, to prove to myself and others (Helen) that living in the middle of nowhere is no reason for a place not to rock immensely more than Brixton, and that my home is not a disgusting pile of waste (Sarah). So, off I went, and I een took photos along the way. I proved that West Wickham is in fact part of Canada:

Lotsa fallen trees. Darn wind. Also, WW has a lot of WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDe open spaces with lotsa grass. So PRETTY OK?

Various views of Sparrows Den, Spring Park and the mad mile there. Loverly place. And WW is full of great places of historical and religious importance!

St John's, the church on the hill. Rarther small, but we love it's endlessly graffitied exterior so. And that was my ramble, may do it again tomorrow, twas rather fun to do.

And that was my last week. In the next happy happy installment of my life, we should have:

Set building for Woman in White
SassyG's 18th and my revisitation into the world of Charm
Many visit's to the place of drunkeness
Piano skillz

So be there or be a squashed circle. And I'm giving in and putting these on Facebook, mostly cos noone seems to notice when they go on here, so hopefully Facebook's feature of telling people when ANYTHING happens in your life should be useful at directing peoples attention to my sorry existence. Love you all...

People used to say I was an idiot, but I proved them!
Chard

Playing: Fainaru Fantajī Ten
Reading: Calvin and Hobbes
Listening to: 'Ghost Love Score' - Nightwish
Annoyed with: My stomach
Mood: FFXII!!! PREORDERED!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!
Song currently stuck in head: 'Lip Gloss and Black' - Atreyu
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Dancing Mad' - Black Mages

Thoughts, feelings, crap and nonsense.

2007-01-23T23:30:00.000Z

I havent blogged. Shoot me in the head.

In other news, with the 100mph hurricane force winds striking all of the UK (or at least the bits we lot care about) it is disheartening to know that even we humble residents of Links Road were affected by the ensuing maelstrom. Indeed, observe what was once our greenhouse, garden fence and a tree:

I think you'll agree, it puts the deaths into perspective. (no offense, I'm in an odd mood. Must be the marmite)

Tuesdays are somewhat traditional in our house. By which I mean after dinner me and mum sit and waste our time in some stupid way (usually Monopoly). However, we decided the air was right for something a little more challenging, and what could be more challenging than a jigsaw puzzle? (yes, this post has been done before). And so we started off, spreading the pieces out and finding the edges (mostly)

15 minutes in, and we're well on our way. The signs for the pun and Blackwell's bookshop are almost done (enough to get a start on things) and work has started on the two easiest edges, the front of the pub and the pavement

30 minutes in, and we're really in biz now. The sign of the bookshop is complete all the way along and we've even attached a few pieces that lead off from it. Most of the bottom right corner is complete, as well as some of the right edge. The left edge is mostly complete, and we have all of the bottom edge there, if not nessacarily in the places they should be.

Look on our creation ye mighty and despair! 45 minutes of solid puzzlin' and we've almost got the edge we need to complete the border. Geddit. The signs are attached to the right side edge, the bottom is almost complete (it's actually wrong at the moment) and the top left corner is in place! We've also attached some of the roof, to help us with the sky later

And after an hour, that roof is now completing some more of that hard as nails top edge. All that sky is the same colour by the way, so that edge is a beast. The shopfront is starting to be filled out and the building above the pub is getting slightly more built. It even has an alarm now. The whole of the right side edge and the building is complete and some more of the roof is built. Still missing 1 peice from the left edge though.

Nothing noticable after another 15 minutes, except the other edge of the pub is making its way up to the sky, which will help to build off of later. Also, the signs are connected all the way across. In fact, it was so unremarkable I even thought I was going mad with boredom and seeing things that couldnt exist. But all was sorted and we persevered.

The Hand is part of the picture, honest! It's now an hour and a half in, and check out that shopfront, lovingly arranged by my good self. I was a good son and left mum to make the sky (it's under the hand, you'll see it next photo). Also some building off of the shaded edge of the pub has occured, and it almost has a roof! And, even more exciting, the edge is almost finally complete! Except that one damn peice on the left we can't find...

Ah, fear not, there it is! And after an hour and 45, the sky is blue, the bookshop has a roof and some windows! And so does the pub! Still wouldn't shop there... needs a few more...windows.

Well the pub is now complete ish! And there are even some windows appearing above number 48! Oh it so exciting! It's only been 2 hours!

Onto the home straight at 2.15! Shutters, a complete but for one peice pub and only the windows holding us back!

And so, finally:

We're done! And how long did that take us?

Certainly an evening's entertainment. Couldn't have even watched LOTR in that time. Problem is, we now need a new one to do...

--------------------------------------------------

Some links, sponsored by Paws Inc (I've sold out to the cartoonist man!)

Want to make Garfield funnier?! Of course you do, lord knows Jim Davis can't. So, take random panels from all 7billion strips, put them in a random order and BOOM! instant surrealist humour, with the Eagle_Fire Garfield randomiser!.

Have you been reading your daily Garfield when you were struck with a disturbing thought? I'll elaborate with this information from the Arbuckle project:

In 1978, Jim Davis began a newspaper comic strip called "Garfield". For almost thirty years, this strip has endured, primarily because its inoffensive, storyless humour is immediately accessible. It is, if not quite the Lowest Common Denominator of the comic world, at least as close to it as one can get without being obviously mediocre.

The comic changes dramatically when one removes the thought bubbles.

"Garfield" changes from being a comic about a sassy, corpulent feline, and becomes a compelling picture of a lonely, pathetic, delusional man who talks to his pets. Consider that Jon, according to Garfield canon, cannot hear his cat's thoughts. This is the world as he sees it. This is his story.

So, Garfield. Wonderfully funny cat related humour? Or disturbing look into the life of a delusionally lonely man? You decide.

--------------------------------------------------

So, a quick list of what else I've been up to:

Completed a CRB form, making sure to check the box 'No' under 'Are you a paedophile, you rapist?'
Given an application form for crappy work at WHSmith which knowing my luck will tumble and fall like a Feeder song.
Leeched massive amounts of music from the internet, doing my bit to point out to Squaresoft's music department that they should release their soundtracks over here, cos they would make a fucking mint.
Ate toast.
Watched lots of Qi and Never Mind The Buzzcocks. I now prefer Simon Amstell to Mark Lamarr for hosting duties
Started living in Chris's room. Or did you know that?
Started learning 2 new piano peices (i'm determined to be able to play something), Path of Repentance and Ahead on our Way
Got bored of clicking on people's blog to see a most recent post date that still says 2006 in. Post people, I'm fecking bored here!

And now, to finish. On Sunday, Rob Guest, Chris Champion, Gary Stewart, Matt Sharp and I were in a conundrum. We were in the Railway as usual, Chris having eaten his 8oz sirloin like the big man he really is; but we needed a change. So, we hopped into Sharp's car and drove out to the Chequers (it's in Bickley. I unno). It was rather nice, flat screen TV's, a old cottagey feel (white walls with black planks for some reason) and a man doing the quiz who sounded like an airline pilot. It was just that sort of voice you know. So, we sat around in our new surroundings, wreaking our usual havok, as Sharp's camera recorded:

Chris and I. I was seeing if I could burn out the lens with my retina. I couldnt.

Give Chris a minute...

Guest. Because he's worth it.

Gary, and my hands about to take him out.

The Great White Sharp himself. Well, the back of him.

Anyway, after such fun was had, we all trooped back to Sharp's house for the fun that could only be had with Pizza, tea, biscuits and Match of the Day 2. Even Rocky was there...

But my own little peice of fun came from playing around with Sharp's one of these:

Oh but can you hear me purr I want one!!!

And so that was it. I will blog more often, I promise. I just need things to happen!

Penis's are about THIS big. Can we please, as a culture, just move on?
'chard

Playing: Fainaru Fantajī Eito
Reading: Fainaru Fantajī Eito. Strategy guide :-p
Listening to: 'Kiss me Good-Bye' - Angela Aki
Annoyed with: My right side
Mood: Mmmmmmmmmm
Song currently stuck in head: 'Lock and Load' - Masami Ueda
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Path of Repentance' - Nobuo Uematsu

Just a quickie #36

2007-01-13T02:46:00.001Z

Hmm..

Propa news tomorrow. Probably.

MMVII

2007-01-10T23:10:00.000Z

2007. MMVII. Y2K7. The second Bond. Yes indeed this most auspicious year is now finally in our grasp, and here we are living in it as we speak with the seconds ticking away wastefully as I write this. So what have I so far accomplished in the 10 days we've had since the last year breathed it's last and this one crawled into the world half formed, quivering, shivering, gazing around with widely naive eyes and covered in the amniotic fluid of the last? Not much. In no real order:

I went back to school and got Northcott's email! Hacking may begin and the Burrow be found
I saw the cardboard model of Cheddar's 'Master Plan'. The new classroom block is going to be a circle.
I got the DVD's of the play! Helen looks amazing 'shakin' that thang'. She disagrees.
I finally burnt CD's of all my photo's! E:\ is still fucked.
I got an interview at Kent!
I got rejected from certain universities who shall not be named Bristol.
I appear to have broken this pair of underwear. Huh.
I stabbed myself under the fingernail with a drawing pin
I packed my room into cardboard boxes
Crashed my Zen twice
Drove home from Sarah's. Fucking scary around Crystal Palace you know...
Lost Monopoly. Twice
Lost Trivial Pursuit
Sleept too much. And yes. Sleept.
Ate much
Tried doing this list
Failed to keep it interesting
Added two new webcomics
Poked many people
Addicted further myself Facebook to
Fucked my grammar...
Dittent learn any lines. Getting there...

And that's aboot it. Gonna crack open a beer and have some food. Feeeeeeeeeelin' goood.

Playing: Kingdom Hearts II
Reading: Nowt
Listening to: 'The Carpenter' - Nightwish. Fuck knows why, it's shit...
Annoyed with: My left index finger
Mood: Goooood
Song currently stuck in head: 'Let Mom Sleep' - Hideki Naganuma
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Maybe I'm a Lion' - The Black Mages

Millenium II + YrVI = A retrospective

2006-12-31T16:39:00.000Z

January (12 posts)

A retrospective of the worst

"Picture 2005 as a much beloved friend who you caught deflowering your eldest daughter. You spent ages plotting his demise, despite forgiving him publicly and reaffirming your friendship. However, at the critical moment that the plan was to occur, and all was to look happy and rosy once more, the cad fled the town and took flight. So you spend a long, arduous, painful, traumatising time hunting him down, until finally you meet him again and butcher him rather messily with a long sword. But, he will just refuse to die, clinging onto your ankle in a rather pathetic way, but since he's still alive you still have a lot of anger to get rid of. So you just start kicking him. Hard. VERY hard. In fact, his skull has shattered, leaving his head with the consistency of a plastic Sainsbury's bag full of marshmallows, but still the bugger has the upper hand, as you discover that he's just edged over the country borders and theres not a damn thing you can do about him now. So, despite fighting back all you could, the memories and the scarring (both mental and physical) are now to last for the rest of time. But, he's out of the town, so at least you never have to see it again."

"You Can't Judge A Play By Its Title"

A year with bad latency

"2006 is not good

2006 will get better

2006 is suffering the 2005 hangover

Pokémon rocks"

Eminently Artistic

"...here we present the study from Helen Oxenham MA:

This, like many of the more successful pieces of art created in these days of creative fluidity, is not just a pretty picture"

"Ms Oxenham WC however may be looking at the piece from entirely the wrong angle (especially since we don't actually know which way up the bloody thing is meant to be)"

"A fine observation and a well structured critique. Translations please"

"Besides, I need something else besides a person I can hate without getting my knuckles all goopy"

Viral Disinfection

" SPELLING MISTAKE!!! THERE'S A GODDAMN SPELLING MISTAKE!!! ITS FAKE YOU EMO FUCKER!!!"

"and you will loose...

SPELLING MISTAKE! ARG!!! YOU FUCKING TOOL!!!

...your bebo account within 12 days notice

Holy shit, this is one pissed off virus! Move over MyDoom...

We will no because this message it tagged

WHAT THE LIVING FUCK?!! WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT LIVES ON HELL OR EARTH?!!!

and we will keep checking our datebases for people that are deleting these messages

What's a datebase?"

Pillage RapistX

"suddenly from up ahead a dark figure comes up to you and asks the time... coudl this man be a rapist?! Oh, if only you hadn't left the mace/gun/grenade/axe on the side when you left for the party!"

Neologilistic

"Aquafelixaphobia
Medical, n

The bizarrely disquieting feeling only attained by having a cat watch you as you shower "

Orwellian Facsimile

"Is this such a world devoid of these iconic Adonii and Venii (funky pluralisation) named 'celebrities' that on a reality show where we expose their foibles, they actually have to go and invent a fake one? And actually have that as her hook? And see how far she can go to convince the rest of the housemates she's honest? Channel 4 has hit on a winner here. However, the REAL problem with her is this: in a world where many people hold celebrities as role models and insiprations for action and style, why is she, the fake, the best looking one in there?"

Spitting venom

"With the introduction of the uber cards,traditional games have been made exceedingly hilarious simply with the addition of these cards to the ranks. Uber Hearts, Uber Trumps, even Uber Category Snap. But there was one game that was truly going to be needed to be played, if the A4 monstrosities were to be truly tested. Tested to the MAX! The game was to be spit, but who could truly handle a game of Spit with cards the weight of an excercise book, yet still keep the speed and frenetic nature of the game intact?"

"
We are in the drama studio, WHERE WE ARE PERFORMING, and as we are setting out to start work, Mrs Johnson (bitch) comes in, claims she has a dance lesson in the room on Fridays (bullshit, we've had no drama lessons anywhere but the studio for the last 5 weeks) and sends US out of OUR space over a YEAR FUCKING EIGHT DANCE LESSON?! Urg, that woman boils my fucking blood. What the hell makes her think she has the right ot do that? We have an exam, 1 shot to do it, no retakes. She's only doing it because Pris wasn't in, and i am so telling her on monday. Sparks will fucking fly I tell you...

And to cap it off, what the fuck is wrong with women?!"

Communication Crisis

"Quietly, the Nokia 2650 stalks out into the undergrowth. The BT Synergy 2110, busy with it's feed, does not notice the predator only centimeters away"

February (7 posts)

Legality for my ex-wife

"The highlight of the introduction of peoples stage was perhaps the arrival of Rob Matt Dave and Chris, who had brought with them a gift of almost titanic proportions: a jar of pickled onions, a box of mince, some cheese and prawns in some sort of squirty tube, a jar of powdered fish and "Bernard", who turned out to be a gutted rainbow trout, which then found its way around the populace quite fast., even turning into a flying fish as it soared over a large crowd to land in the middle of the hall, to much mixed laughter and EEWs. The other moment of hilarity was the arrival of nick, was was heralded by the sound of an airhorn, Rob's girlish shriek and all the poeple who were by the door jumping back by about a foot. Ah, a fun evening it was, and even as we were walking home the hilarity and ASBO related activities never ceased (stolen trees/spongebobs and stops by police making themselves known)"

Annuality

"As a young boy, 'chard grew in the seedy backwaters of West Wickham (hereafter referred to as 'TMON'). Rooting through bins for sustenance and nutrition, his only friends were another street urchin named Jon and a small ball of rolled up socks he affectionatly referred to as "Bimbob the Wise""

"The cube began to melt in 'chard's hand, spreading out over his hand, covering it in the same orange sheen. 'chard gasped, and screamed as the world vanished into a white light.

When 'chard awoke, he stood at the door to a brave new world, born of his own hand, which had been destroyed by the cube. THus, the new world was named Slightly 'chard.. and 'chard, as the gatekeeper of this world, has grown in power... and the time is fast approaching when he will return..."

A Link to Ocarina's Princess

"Friday Statistics:
Amount of Games played: 9
Time at Rob's: 23 hours
Time spent playing games: 22 hours
Consoles used: 2 (N64/GC)
Players: 6
Food: Junk, Bagels and Pizza
Drink: 4 litres of Pepsi and about 2 crates of beer
Health value of food: 0%
Sleep: 0 seconds
Pointlessness: Lots
Fun had: Far too much
To be done again?: Definitely"

Neologismality

"Vnuc
Affectionate, v

A show of affection or friendship, embodied and performed by the catapulting of the giver's body through the air, landing upon the reciever. Usually performed across great distances (eg, from a University down to London and/or back again.)"

Heroically Inebriated

"Suddenly, into the fray come several streaks of red light. Far in the distance, the noble warriors see the wonderful sight of copyright infringement in action!"

"The abode of the Matt was the venue for some rather drunken moments of interest. Spend time with the mother which was cool, ranted stupidly at people, tunred others emo, and got to watch Rob and Matt... "enjoy themselves". Ah twas all fun."

March (5 posts)

Musicalality

"BRAiNFREEZE, the combined force of the musical talents of Chris Champion, Tom Gail, Jamie Rostant and Liam Riordan, all sublimely erotic young gentlemen. I'm totally straight, ok."

". And the sex they were, belting out such classics as Dark Secrets, Black Soul, Radiation Burns, Humpty Dumpty,and even some new additions to the proceeding such as the lovingly titled 'Epic', and the amazing half time entertainment of Chris throwing a drumstick at Jamie's head and the band forcing Sean the Prefabricated into a stage dive."

"MUCH fun was had with one member of the crowd. Rob and in fact most of the group were scared of this... creature. Imagine an obese sperm whale in a wig. Now imagine it having sex with your grandparents. It was THAT revolting"

"After a quick few minutes of talkage and conspiring about exactly what was going on behind the door of the gents (eventually agreeing on a trapdoor that led into the Ladies that changed your gender as you entered), we left and entered the Forum"

Blissful poking

"I recently asked my bessie mates round for a game of poker. However, we soon got into a massive fight and it all went wrong! I felt totally gutted, and we're so not talking any more. Could I be pregnant?""

"Jon meets Lewis and the two are talking about such wonderful things as the weather, horses, zorses, and how phenominally STRAIGHT 'chard is (totally in contrast with our questionable bliss photographer)."

"The problem here is easily solved. Use the horse cards next time. And no, you couldn't be pregnant you repulsive preteen..."

ASHLEY'S GAY!!!

"This wierd weekend has actually only been wierd becuase of one deciding factor: I've actually done things. While usually my weekend involves me sitting here spewing out immense amounts of random crap on MSN to you wonderful chaps (and nonchaps more likely) I actually spent almost ALL or this 2 day stretch doing things of various consequence."

"We couldn't find anything in Clarks, though we did have a good old larf at the "Buy One Get One Free" stand, which is only really funny if you knew that there was only 1 shoe on display and the very nature of there being a PAIR of shoes. Ah hilairty"

"The main highlights of the evening were Paul getting completely wasted (this being the first night of serious drinking for him) and Ashley being a cheating little shit:"

"I also researched the paperclip, which was bloody interesting."

Genesis 4:24

"BRAiNFREEZE were the starter, since there was minimal moshing and only slight volume. Lacuna Coil were the main course, offering the volume, atmosphere and venue. Dido and Aeneas offered none of those (not being food) but was still a fun part of the cycle. Comalies was something enduring, with the initial sweetness leaving a lasting freshness, despite not being as filling as the real thing. And as for the haemorraging? Oh yeh baby!"

"We met Guy and after a very crowded tube ride (goth sluts and jewish businessmen in the same carriage. Meaty) we got off (the tube) at Kentish Town and made our way to the Forum"

"After passing one vomiting man (took him the length of the queue to get that drunk. Think his name was Pallo)"

"Amazing song, which me Matt and Nick linked arms and swayed along, belting the lines back at M (now shadeless. Sexy mother fucker!)"

"I staved off the discomfort of sock travel by stuffing the sock with the Metro"

Neologist

"WIAGAR
Irritant, Acronym

When I Am Good And Ready. Used in the defence of one who is being pestered by another to complete a task, such as reading a book or posting on an RP. (See also: IAGAR, GAR, WYAGAR)"

April (7 posts)

Look COCKFACE! You're all big now! You've grown up!

"After that was a celebratory meal with Jon Dave Matt Rob Tom Liam Chris and I, and then the group sans Jon (who had taken off in the Aubergine Avenger)and Chris went to the Railway and enjoyed the sumptuous delights of H2SO4. Or whatever it is."

"Most of the day was spent playing pictionary on Stanton's board and Category Snap. After deciding that the rest of the day was going to be a morbid waste of space and time, Steve Jon and I sped off to respective homes"

Music to live by

"Will I ever have children?
Drowned and Torn Asunder- Trivium (Master Anakin, there's too many...)"

"What song will play at my funeral?
Tattered and Torn - Slipknot (Along with my kids I suppose?!)

What type of men/women do I like?
You Can Have It All - Kaiser Chiefs (NOT GAY!!!)

What is my day going to be like?
Come Cover Me - Nightwish (NOT GAY!! NOT GAY!!!)"

Taking love for Granted

"Ever noticed ALL romantic comedies are basically the same film? Even Shakespeare knew this when he milked sources for R+J. So, I have here the definitive reference guide to all the codes conventions and clichés of this marvellous genre I am far too susceptible too."

Blogging up to 11

"And if you're coming to Twelfth Night, we're on 3rd on the 27th and 2nd on the 28th. Tickets on sale through school or me if you give me the cash. Don't worry, as much as it's flamboyantly theatrical, it will be noticably lacking in the Great Guiseppe"

"There is nothing better for my mood than relaxing back on the internet, with music at Disaster Area levels and only become tolerable if you leave the building"

A reign of spoons

"Collective nouns seem strange to me. Ok, I get some of the obvious ones, but wheres the logic behind 'a murder of crows'? Who came up with 'a tedium of golfers'? So, in true cynic style, I decided that obviously what had happened was that people had taken the subject, and randomly scanned the dictionary for a word to match"

Wii are not amused

"The only good thing about it is that, yes the jokes ARE endless. Cream of the crop being "Wii will break down that wall that separates game players from everybody else".

Meh. Who am I to complain? I share a name with a Swiss Vegetable. I suppose Nintendo are right when they say:

"...it's really not about you or me. It's about Wii. And together, Wii will change everything."

Dropping my stomach

"Far too nice for my own good. Meaning if i don't like you i'm gonna have to bitch behind your back. Not that I do much, I try and like everyone. Always end up copying others's foibles and mannerisms to ingratiate myself, to the point where the advice 'be yourself' is fecking pointless since I don't have a myself."

"Girls are amazing creatures. I love the female gender, becuase they're amazing listeners, can bring out the best in me, are ALL beautiful both outside and in, smell nicer than men, and are just as much of a laugh. However, get too emotional, clingy, crazy, possessive or start trying to run MY life how YOU think I should, and you will be the only person to see me at my worst."

"Favourite non-metal: Helen"

"according to Rachel my amazing skill is being able to wear tracksuit trousers without looking lke a chav. Score!"

May (2 posts)

Denouement

"If any of you arent so familiar with what happens in Twelfth Night, basic plot is that 2 twins are seperated, and the girl goes to work for this duke who she falls in love while he sends her off to chat up the girl he likes, who in turn falls in love with the girl twin, until the boy twin comes along, gets mistaken for the girl twin by the dukes girl, and they all have an orgy, during which Shakespearian scholars from Mars come to the village and take the Duke hostage. The twins then fuse together to produce some giant uber powerful anime type thing and fight the aliens, while trained monkeys are dancing on trapezes above the stage. It all ends when a giant Rhino called reginald come on stage demanding to get a job as a tailor, and (shakespeare being shakespeare) makes many many dirty jokes about horns, at which point the duke gets with the monkeys, the twins have triplets and the dukes girl turns into a pot of Jam."

"Ashley doing what he does worst: Acting"

"Ah, good times. Last ever performance at LPBS :'(... I'm sad now..
But still, W00t! The Leaver's Ball!"

"Seriously, how does this guy [me] NOT spend all day in the slavery of viciously horny women?"

"Chris!!! Legend!"

"Ash!!! Gay!"

"Butterworth looks like a forlorn puppy"

"Tables!!! TABLES!!! HOT PISS!!"

Souply Scientific

"So, in this scientifically minded post, I attempt to disprove the folly that is the Serving Suggestion and the product description...

...of the humble Cup-a-Soup It was that wise and northern philosopher Peter Kay that first uttered the eternal admission that 'noone dares make cup a soup in a bowl'. Well, since I am currently struck down with tonsillitus, and Steve insisted i don't waste my time while slacking off without the ability to swallow without dying, I decided to do something worthwhile and harken back to my GCSE year science lessons"

"If serving Cup-A-Soup in a bowl is mad, then how can you serve soup in a slim?"

"Yes, I AM that bored."

June (4 posts)

Vitamin D

" There's only 3 things I thank the sun for: Nature, salads and female fashion."

Illumiérenating

"The Oscars!
Yes indeed was an evening much looked forward to by the entire cohort. After a long wait outside with free alcohol (being passed around by the years 12s! make them slaves work!)"

"I found myself sat next to a sex pest and a legend (ashley and louis respectively...ashley's gay)"

"ME!!! and dave. BUT ME!!! Woo! A well deserved rubber chicken me feels. Striking a blow for every person of colour, doing it for the children etc etc."

"But, what school function (read, excuse to get completely wasted) would be complete without that master of magic, the head himself, ol' Cheddar, decked out in his best bib and tucker!"

July (2 posts)

River of Thoughts

"Here's the deal. I've set a 52 minute timer on my phone (meaning it SHOULD go off at 5, in time for me to put the kettle on for mum and feed the cats) and during it's countdown im just gonna keep writing about everything and nothing. Hopefully it'll stave off the boredom and heat and maybe someone can read it later on and tell me exactly what's romg with me (Hane, fancy writing a book about me?) As I result the spelling may be inaccurate to a marginal degree cos I really dont want to read it again and edit it. May lead onto some nice freudian slips and indications on how much i need to practise my touch typing."

"After some interestingly convoluted travel arrangements and mixups involving oyster cards shower's and Calvin and Hobbes, I made it safe and sound to the abode of one David Chander MC. After the initial WTF's and OMG's over my hair which has actualy been cut for thiose who didnt know, so you'll have plenty of time to steel yourself for when you see it next, I sat and spectated the interesting game of MArio party 6 that was being played"

"Driving is fun. A lot more so now i don't have Jackie or the examiner brathing down my neck. I have only as yet hit one thing, a tree which went the wrong way druing a turn in the road. I've ferried 5 peoplearound so far, and almost last night managed to get rob to go through the windscreen doing an emergency stop while the cretin didnt have his seatbelt on. Fool"

"Must buy tape adaptior. Must get job. Must do lots of things really"

"my knee still hurts form when I fell over. From standing still. Sreouisly, never stop moving while drunk, it's far too dangerous..."

"Wihe i was driivng aimlessly around bromley/park langley ways, we were counted lucky ot have with us a copy of bohmeian rhapsody. Anyone who's ever seen any clip of Wayne's world will probably be able to make and educated gess at what happened next"

"My wrsits are actually starting to get all exammy. Is using a keyboard anymore strenuous athan usinga pen? imean, with a pen youactually have to grip it whereas a keyboard you arent really trensing anything. Or mayver thats the problme. I dunno, I'll aska piano teacher."

Bliss

"Sometimes life just works"

August (5 posts)

Goodbyeee...

"This is where we get ripped apart and left behind. It's how it works. And it's starting to piss me off."

Confusion in Time

"If they're trying to sell 0000 as the middle of the night, why is the time before it later than it?"

The longest 45 minutes

"Yes indeed! Today, the 27th August 2006 marks the 110th anniversary of the Anglo-Zanzibar War! What a wonderful thing it was, 45 minutes of nonstop shelling, blowing apart the better part of the harbour and slaughtering hundreds just to get at a Sultan they didn't like! Well, he was liked by the Germans I guess..."

Rawr

"This is one pussy you don't wanna fick wit'!"

September (6 posts)

Insensitivity

"With the tragic death of Steve Irwin finally sinking in, his family have now begun the preparations for their final goodbyes at his funeral. Already scheduled to play at this sombre event is Sting, who will be playing specially re-recorded versions of his hits, "Fortress Around Your Heart" and "Be Still My Beating Heart"."

Lust

"Until recently it has been a welcome and favourite feature of mine to connect said sexy device to the PC upon which this corresponce is being typed using the supplied DCU-60 USB cable, and with the almost magical ease having been able to transfer (electronically, mind you) data from the PC to said maturbatory aid, and back again from "the pleasurer" to the PC."

Prophetical

"SARAH IS A CHEAT!!!!"

Literary

"Jill Murphy's Worst Witch series, which was responsible not only for my current bookish nature but also for my acceptance of literature designed purely for girls. It's a guilty pleasure."

""Yo, dudes, just to let you know; that whole commandment thing about not killing people? Yeh, that should also mean 'Thou shalt not kill, even (or especially if) I or JC or any other diety or omnipotent force say you should. Cos, you know, it's written right there in plain Aramaic/Greek/Latin/KJV (whatever that is) 'Thou shalt NOT kill. Full stop. End of. In fact, can I just add in the 11th commandment? 'Verily, those that say I'm talking to them without me actually saying so (with burning bush and/or other miracle accompaniments) are very very delusional and should be taken into the proper care that they deserve. Cos, as forgiving a God as I am, those guys are just whacked in the head. Oh and this book is dedicated to Mary. Stand up girl, sorry I had to take off like that. Call me?'"

""WHAP AWESOME FIRST CHAPTER!! OMFG LIKE WHATS GONA HAPPEN EXCITEMENT EXCITEMENT possible weird bloke, but thats a subplot right... no...no thats actually the story... ok...this guy is nuts...this guy is annoying...that girl needs the 11th on her...this book is shit...""

October (8 posts)

Refreshingly positive

" To be fair, I'm sure when I look at this in years to come I'll think exactly the same (except no3 will be "I was SICKENINGLY emo...""

"SINGING OH GOD IT HAS SINGING!!!"

"Lunch is a cooking, and I'm deterrmined to at least get THAT right."

Finally Fantastic

"'m going to bore EVERYONE by saying a few words about all the FF's! AREN'T YOU LUCKY?!! (stop crying at the back there)"

"10 More Things Sarah Will Use In Court As Evidence of my Caddishness"

Prompt Me

"Today has been an odd day. And not just becuase I spelt today as topdaty"

"Long story short, at 7am (i can be up that early, who says I can't, leave me alone!) I plodded downstairs and let in said Caffiened Crusader, whence we proceeded to spend all the twilight hours in convivial conversation. Well, until about 8 when she had to leave (possibly completely confusing my parents all the while). So that was odd"

"Anyhoogan, I got to Nick's, said hi to Nick and Rachel (who weren't up yet, tsk tsk, some of us were up at 7!) and we then proceeded to watch Nick jumpstart his car (very fun) went and got popcorn, came back and watched both Airplane! films with lots of laughs from Nick and myself and the odd discernible snigger from Rachel. So that was odd."

Legal Age

""Heil Addy! So, made it to 40 then! Well, you know what they say! Life begins at 40 unless you're against der Ubermensch Ideal and thus are currently awaiting gassing in which case life ends Looong before then""

"Still, the news report does end with the boss of the company lightening with the jokey conclusion: " "We certainly still encourage the practice of buying cakes!""

Erm. Actually, no. Candles would break health and safety regulations for one thing. Also, what about allergies? NUTS MAN! And after all, there might be chocolate in that cake. And we all know that it coudl be dark chocolate, and you know who ate dark chocolate? HITLER THAT'S WHO! And not to mention DARK chocolate carries connotations of RACISM! RACIST! And whats that? There are numbers? In icing? NUMBERS SHOW AGE/AGE IS AGIST YOU FACIST!!"

Richtig

"1. Crying is blackmail"

November (4 posts)

Arson

"Maybe the mystery of the West Ranch fire is solved..."

Summary

"Went to London with SassyG and Evelyn, and learned that London with girls is very different that with all guys. A lot better looking for one thing :-P"

"Been to Railway and got my drink spiked with ProPlus"

"Regale me with anecdotes! Amuse me with stories! Shock me with revelations! Befuddle me with images! Excite me with placemats! Seduce me with metaphors! Fallump me with Hitachi DAP 761s! Pythagoras me with tangents! Stream me with consciousness!"

December (5 posts)

'Tis the 2006/2007 season

"note: that's Christmas. Not X-mas, Xmas, Chrimbo, 'smas or anything! So fuck your anti-religious sentiments! I'm sticking it to the man! That man there, his name's Geoff. Bad Geoff, bad! No biscuit for Geoff!"

"NERDGASM!!!! OMFG!!! Seriously. OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!"

"So, Christmas has been and gone with Jesus suffering his usual Birthday/Christmas hangover. The Chard too, has succumbed to the odd momnent of drunken revelry, but the less said about those the better really."

"Man I'm pathetic..."

==================

Thus ends 2006. Thank god, it was like a slightly less shit 2005 with added boredom and isolation.

Come on 2007, show me what you got mother fucker.

This post could get me arrested.

2006-12-27T22:20:00.000Z

So, Christmas has been and gone with Jesus suffering his usual Birthday/Christmas hangover. The Chard too, has succumbed to the odd momnent of drunken revelry, but the less said about those the better really.

So, materialism, what did I get?

Creative Zen Vision: M, sexy bit of gadget related sex
Kingdom Hearts II (Stompp rocks!), more of which will be covered below
2007 Calender of Hokusai prints, the dude who did the wave picture and also arguably the first example fo tentacle rape. Cultured.
Finger drums, which are unique in being a drum kit made of nothing but 1 cymbal, thank you sarah for that
Other things...

So, yeh KHII, a few points which i need to get of my chest and put into the public domain to add to my oddness.In Kingdom Hearts 1, the main love interest was Kairi. A lovely girl, true, but she looked about 10, so fantasies where limited (in comparison to, say, Yuna):

See? Cute, but in a very illegal sense. Which is why I'm ever so glad that Nomura put a bit of thought into the design for her in KHII, and grew her up a bit. Kairi is now very, VERY hot

Thankfully they also had the foresight to add the amazginly hot visage of the blond Naminé.

Man I'm pathetic...

A message from 'chard

2006-12-24T13:18:00.000Z

Answers on a postcard ;)

Nuff Said

2006-12-21T01:35:00.000Z

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

This Does Not Affect Your Statutory Rape

2006-12-17T11:56:00.000Z

Sorry about the title, it popped into my head while reading Hane's latest post. Made me giggle at least. See Julia? Can be funny.

I've had a lot of people mentioning to (screaming at) me about the small detail that my blog has undergone a bit of a rehaul. Well I thought it was time for a change really. I've had that same orange and white layout since the start of the blog (way back in 2004), and with the switch to this newfangled blogger better thing, and it's newly acquired ease to edit, the time seemed right. Besides, it's nearly Christmas, so consider this your present! (note: that's Christmas. Not X-mas, Xmas, Chrimbo, 'smas or anything! So fuck your anti-religious sentiments! I'm sticking it to the man! That man there, his name's Geoff. Bad Geoff, bad! No biscuit for Geoff!). The only real difference anyway is the colour scheme (almost no clashing!) and the fact that I removed a few dead link and updated a few broken ones. So in that respect its no different for any of you, except for the fact you may have an allergy to red text and start coming out in a rash everytime you go on the page, but that's a price i'm sure you're all willing to pay to read my wonderfully wise words of wonder, whimsy, wishes and wibbles. W's for the W!

It's been stated that my only activities in life are currently Smallville, MSN and Rehearsals. Unfortunately, I've watched all Smallville and finished rehearsals. Fortunately, I've rekindled my love affair with Final Fantasy, finishing VI and getting further than ever on V. I rule! Hyrule!

So, the long awaited promise of a thing about Cinderella can now be fulfilled! Strap yourselves in boys.

Cinderella the Sequel. Just look at that again. Cinderella. The Sequel. A sequel to Cinderella. Already panto aficianados (sp?) should be heaving over their lattes. Another rollicking panto from the mind that brought us such updated classics as Goldilocks and the Three Martians, Red Ridinghood Goes Out West and, who could forget, Sleeping Beauty Goes Back To The Future. With such a classic repertoire under her belt, Jackie Staite could almost be forgiven for thinking that her plays were in anyway good. But, Theatre 62 decided to enlist 25 hapless individuals to prove to her, once and for all, that delusion is a big part of the panto world, not reality.

And so the cast assembled back in the deep dark murk of time (September ish) to read over the play for the first time. With a resounding cry of "THIS IS TERRIBLE" the director/eagle, Eve Stone then got her thinking beak on and decided to try and salvage the panto into something vaguely presentable. And she certainly managed that. Oh yes she did. Oh no. No. She really didn't.

OK, I'm bashing it a bit. Actually this entire post is kinda odd. I'm in an odd state of mind. Might have ben all the alcohol, but I'll get to that later. Huh. But anyway, panto. As you may have gathered, the script was described with a miriad of phrases, each bluer than the last. In fact I had a lot of fun recently re-reading the original script (still got it) and seeing just how much had changed. Most of it in fact. I also learned that I'd been forgetting to say a line for about 2 months. Noone picked me up on it though. Huh. Rehearsal were generally quite painless, even if Eve had a frustrating habit of being increibly vexing. Such as making a decision one rehearsal, only to shout at you when you did it next rehearsal, only to forcefully deny that she'd ever do such thing as tell you to do what she told you to do. Seriously, it was getting to the point that if I'd argued to point any more she'd have put her finger in her ears and gone "LAALAAALAA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALA". URGH. Anyway I suppose the best thing about it all was that it a) got me out of the house a bit, which I'm sure everyone can agree as being a good thing and b) I got to meet new people. Not that I'm replacing you lot at all, heaven forbid, you are all still most special to me. But then again you aren't here, so, you know. All good people. We are all one.

The actual performances were good and funky, I managed to get a grand total of some people there, which was a big help when it came to enduring the 2 and a half hour performance, not to mention the pain of being orange and have a dead seal attached to my head for no reason. And that DAMN costume under those stage lights!!! It doesn't show up in any of Dave's photos, but I was sweating like a paedo in a playground under that thing. I tried holding it with one finger once, and I swear the damn thing was about to break off! The finger, not the jacket.

But, twas a fun experience which I hope can only be bettered by the next one. Which you are all coming to see yes? (23rd - 28th April cough cough). Oh, and for any that didn't come and see it (EMMIE!!!) I have a copy on video which hopefully monsewer Jani will be able to turn into DVD, so that should be sorted nicely.

And so, to the present. HHAHAHAHA!!! PRESENT! I was, last night attending the T62 christmas party, which everyone seemed to be perplexed at. Seriously, as I was leaving Louis phoned, 20 minutes later Rob phoned, Dave phoned after that, THEN Tom phoned and THEN Sarah phoned!!! And Stompp texted in there somewhere. Why am I only popular when I'm busy?!! (by th'way, Christmas party, present? Geddit?) Twas an evening of funness, rollicking and alcohol. Which may have been a bad idea for some:

We, being the young people, had our own little table, with another table attached to accomodate Caroline's (Cinderella) mother sister and boyfriend. We were of course, nearest the bar which allowed for quick purchasing of alcoholic substances. Food was good none of which I actually had due to the fact I ate before I came out, but that just meant there was more for everyone else, so I felt good and charitabubble. The table itself was quite prettiful, with candles and decorations and yayful things (how Helen did that sound?):

Reserved! Yes! We rock! But there was lots to be done, such as watching lighting technicians/set designers/sound technicians try their hand at treading the boards, with rather predictably hilarious results. I counted about 15 seperate promptings and several moment of 4th wall shatterage:

And there were presents!

Doesn't Amy look happy? And singing!

And dancing!

And posing!

Some bloke absconding with my Cinderella there...

Had a good long chat with Cinderellas sister also. And she is like the coolest person ever! She's a gamer! She's a geek! Random! I was scared, yet amused. Speaking of, doing ok in FFV, on the 2nd world, which is a first. So hopefully that should be done by little past Christmas in time for FFIV or KH which will lead me nicely to the February release of:

NERDGASM!!!! OMFG!!! Seriously. OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!

And on that note:

'chard

Playing: Final Fantasy V
Reading: Sabriel
Listening to: 'Oh My God' - Kaiser Chiefs
Annoyed with: Back of my neck
Mood: Little tired
Song currently stuck in head: None in my head
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Beelzeboss' - Tenacious D

I can act! Sort of!

2006-12-11T16:26:00.000Z

I'll come back to you with a full update later tonight slash tomorrow, so here, courtesy of Dauve is an illegal kabloo of me in act-shun

Enjoi

I'm a knight!

2006-11-23T23:47:00.000Z

If anyone wants a synced version let me know... damn YouTube..

Title goes here...

2006-11-21T16:02:00.000Z

Yeh yeh haven't blogged catching up go hell...

Actually, no Im not going to apologise! NOONE's been fecking blogging! I mean, come on guys I know you're busy geting drunk everynight and waking up next morning only to remeber you should actually do work while in uni,but come on! Regale me with anecdotes! Amuse me with stories! Shock me with revelations! Befuddle me with images! Excite me with placemats! Seduce me with metaphors! Fallump me with Hitachi DAP 761s! Pythagoras me with tangents! Stream me with consciousness!

~Anyway, plea over, what has this lonesome soul been up to since last he trod these hallowed halls of html and shoddy spealing?

Off the peak of my cranium:

Been to Cambridge
Been to Aberystwyth
Been to Railway and got my drink spiked with ProPlus
Been to lunch with 6 actors and an Assisstant Stage Manager and heard paralysingly funny stories about dressing gowns...
Had arsonistical revelations (see below)
Talked trash on MSN
Been single, with the horrors entailed coming ever closer...
Saw Julia and Lewis, both looking nauseatingly studenty...
Had little credit
Joined Facebook, making MySpace obsolete
Learned to cook fajitas with Guest, with varying degrees of complete anarchy
Learned how to do jumpcuts on my phone camera, allowing for complete lunacy
Been to Hastings for 5 minutes and back with Stomppé
Been BORED SHITLESS
Failed to finish learning To Zanarkand, will get onto that...
Had rehearsals with an eagle
Had an audition for 84 Charing Cross Road
Gave in and took Sonata Arctica and Blind Guardian from the Dauvish one
Started Final Fantasy VI, now on World of Ruin. Nearly finished! WHEE!
Drooled over the unanimous love for FFXII
Still haven't found my memory card, or bought Kingdom Hearts II
Saw The Prestige with Tom and Rachel, Tom proceeding to confuse the hell out of everyone while being technically right
Become addicted to Dancing Mad
Going to see Muse tomorrow!!!
Went to London with SassyG and Evelyn, and learned that London with girls is very different that with all guys. A lot better looking for one thing :-P
Got colder
Watched more Smallville than is reasonable
Become addicted once again to Late Night Party Poker
Did this
Saw the JANI twice
Didnt get a job

And there you go, thats all I can think of...

I'll be with you sooner my dears. Just afterI actually find something in life to fecking do

Playing: Final Fantasy VI
Reading: Eragon the moment I can be arsed to get down the library and get it
Listening to: 'Drowning Lessons' - My Chemical Romance
Annoyed with: My hands and nose
Mood: M'ok
Song currently stuck in head: None really
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Master of Puppets' - Trivium/Metallica

In addition to yesterday's post

2006-11-09T16:37:00.000Z

From my folder of photos from the Nightwish gig:

Just a quickie

2006-11-08T19:40:00.000Z

Maybe the mystery of the West Ranch fire is solved...

The Guy's Rules

2006-10-22T15:34:00.000Z

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!

Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's whatwe do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself !

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the off side rule, Or golf.

1. You have enough clothes

1. You have too many shoes

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on th ecouch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Thanks to Stompps lack of productivity for this one.

...what?

2006-10-11T22:44:00.000Z

From BBC News

Greetings cards passed around the office and signed for a colleague's birthday have been banned by a company in Bournemouth.
Alan and Thomas Ltd said they stopped the card signings, as jokes or comments about someone's age could be offensive under new age discrimination laws.

Just one simple question. What? Seriously, who actually came up with that idea?

Ok, lets set the record straight. I am ALL for Political Correctness Gone Mad (really, no joke...) but even this is too far. I bet even the Nazi's allowed inhouse greeting cards before paper rationing. You can just see Hilter opening his card from Eva 'n' the boys and reading "Heil Addy! So, made it to 40 then! Well, you know what they say! Life begins at 40 unless you're against der Ubermensch Ideal and thus are currently awaiting gassing in which case life ends Looong before then".

Now THAT'S insensitivity. Anyway, lets read on in the article:

The firm's boss, Julian Boughton, said they had taken legal advice.
Directors of the Bournemouth-based insurance brokers will instead send a card on behalf of all staff.

Well then there's no problem! They took LEGAL advice! I actually managed to get in touch with the lawyer Mr Boughton used for this advice, and after some quick introductions I perused all the credentials on the wall behind them, read one out to him and was asked "Want fries with that?".

On behalf of all staff though? Not too bad I guess, a little bit impersonal, but at least the feeling's still there, you still at least get one card on behalf of your colleagues and friends Right?

"Instead we have decided that the company will send a card to each staff member on their birthday, signed by the directors."

Oh well.

Now, in an unprecedented move (for me, I really am this bored) I decided to peruse the Act that they cite as the reason for this completely undraconian decision; The Employement Equality (Age) Regulations Act 2006 (only been in force 10 days you know!). Yes, I know, research! Don't worry im not THat mad...

So, lets have a look for any relevant passages...

Wow, I love legalese! Look at some of these definitions!

"1996 Act" means the Employment Rights Act 1996" (as opposed to any other act of 1996. Lest we forget!)
"Great Britain" includes such of the territorial waters of the United Kingdom as are adjacent to Great Britain;" (of course)
"school", in England and Wales, has the meaning given by section 4 of the Education Act 1996[5], and, in Scotland, has the meaning given by section 135(1) of the Education (Scotland) Act 1980[6], and references to a school are to an institution in so far as it is engaged in the provision of education under those sections; (fantastic! I'm gonna use that to answer people who as about school, Airplane style! 'School? What is it? Well it has the meaning given by section 4 of the Education Act 1996...but that's not important right now')

Ah, wait, here we go! The meat!

3. —(1) For the purposes of these Regulations, a person ("A") discriminates against another person ("B") if—

(a) on grounds of B's age, A treats B less favourably than he treats or would treat other persons, or

(b) A applies to B a provision, criterion or practice which he applies or would apply equally to persons not of the same age group as B, but—

(i) which puts or would put persons of the same age group as B at a particular disadvantage when compared with other persons, and

(ii) which puts B at that disadvantage,

and A cannot show the treatment or, as the case may be, provision, criterion or practice to be a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim.

Put simply: "If you treat him bad cos of his age then you're discriminating". Easy. Ooh, section 5 has a kickass title! " Instructions to discriminate". Awesome! They even tell you how to do it!

Ok, so we got the definition of "Age discrimination" sorted. One problem. The rest of the bill says just (in a nutshell):
Do not discriminate on grounds of age during interviews, hiring, training, firing, pension etc etc and nothing specifically saying "BITRHDAY CRDS R T£H BAD LOLZ!!!" (damn legalese..).

But maybe I'm missing this little gem, in section 6, harrasment on grounds of age: For the purposes of these Regulations, a person ("A") subjects another person ("B") to harassment where, on grounds of age, A engages in unwanted conduct which has the purpose or effect of— (a) violating B's dignity; or (b) creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for B.

Ah there we go! Of course, making a jokey comment about someones age in a birthday card will of course contravene Section 6 Subsection (b) (is that right?). Cos, you know, if someone gave me a card with this (http://www.pbfcomics.com/archive/0PBF22048BC-Today_is_my_Birthday.gif) on it I too would feel intimidated/hostile/degraded/humiliated and/or offended.

Still, the news report does end with the boss of the company lightening with the jokey conclusion: " "We certainly still encourage the practice of buying cakes!""

Erm. Actually, no. Candles would break health and safety regulations for one thing. Also, what about allergies? NUTS MAN! And after all, there might be chocolate in that cake. And we all know that it coudl be dark chocolate, and you know who ate dark chocolate? HITLER THAT'S WHO! And not to mention DARK chocolate carries connotations of RACISM! RACIST! And whats that? There are numbers? In icing? NUMBERS SHOW AGE/AGE IS AGIST YOU FACIST!!

So, in light of this post I move to declare that ALL birthdays be banned in the professional sphere. Its discrimiatory against those who don't have birthdays. It'll make them feel like outsiders, pressuring their lack of popularity cos THEY didnt get a card/cake/present. Oh yeh presents! Who knows WHO could package a parcel bomb in wrapping paper these days?!

BAN BIRTHDAYS!!! JOIN TEH CAUSSE! ANTI-AGISM FTW!

Activistchard

Playing: Final Fantasy V
Reading: Kerrang!
Listening to: 'Transparent' - Spineshank
Annoyed with: My aching muscles
Mood: m'ok
Song currently stuck in head: None really
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Bleeding Mascara' - Atreyu

Whose Line is it Anyway?

2006-10-08T21:53:00.000Z

Sorry for the double post, but this is far too funny to pass up

Dancing Mad

2006-10-08T18:33:00.000Z

Today has been an odd day. And not just becuase I spelt today as topdaty.

It all begins WAaaaaaaaaaaaaay back, almost... ooh...18 hours ago, at 1am. I decided to relieve certain frustrastions and desires in one orgasmically gushing force and stve off the boredom witha a puzzle game of some description. Paths, if you must know. So, 2 hours later I had finally conquered said game (I'm on the score board. 80something) and had decided that, due so annoying circumstances I would happen to spirit myself away, up that old wooden hill to Bedfordshire. Was very nice too, very friendly locals. Anyway, as I was lying there I realised that in face sleep was going to be a chore (mostly due to the cat that had decided to choose that moment to leap onto my stomach and use me as an impromptu sleeping surface), so desiring some small semblance of company (which certain people were being very reluctant to grant) I texted the small coffee obsessed one, who it turned out was none too far from me.

Long story short, at 7am (i can be up that early, who says I can't, leave me alone!) I plodded downstairs and let in said Caffiened Crusader, whence we proceeded to spend all the twilight hours in convivial conversation. Well, until about 8 when she had to leave (possibly completely confusing my parents all the while). So that was odd

Then, at 10am I arose again, plodded to the shower, cleaned myself while ignoring the feeling of unease that had crept over me, got dressed (careful) got everything together, and went and sat at teh bus stop...

...15 minutes later, I stood up, looked at the timetable, saw the bus didn't run on sundays and proceeded to walk. So that was odd.

Anyhoogan, I got to Nick's, said hi to Nick and Rachel (who weren't up yet, tsk tsk, some of us were up at 7!) and we then proceeded to watch Nick jumpstart his car (very fun) went and got popcorn, came back and watched both Airplane! films with lots of laughs from Nick and myself and the odd discernible snigger from Rachel. So that was odd.

This was also odd...

This was just hysterical... though odd...

Then I went t'Theatre 62 and got said hello to by my brother. So that was odd.

Chard. Who is odd...

Sarah's Final Fantasy

2006-10-05T22:57:00.000Z

Well, I'm bored. Its nearly midnight, but rather than go to bed (bed? ha!) I might as well do this. Thing is, I just don't talk about sarah in this blog anymore. A fact that she has mentioned to me (many times) and I have acknowledged. So, in order to rectify it, here's one about her.Well, actually she gets the start; the rest will be dealt with after. So, without further adieu:

10 Things You're About To Wish I'd Never Told You About Sarah
OR
10 More Things Sarah Will Use In Court As Evidence of my Caddishness

Sarah currently owns at least 4 items of clothing that are mine. She steadfastly refuses to return them.
Sarah's late 2004/early 2005 dying of the hair was indirectly my fault. I told her I liked black hair. Oops
Sarah was the second person to ever beat me on Soul Calibur II purely through button-mashing tactics. The first was some wanker I played with 3 months before the game was released who thought Guarding was an attack. Arse...
Sarah was the first person I ever cooked for, and once she got out of hospital was kind enough to tell me what I shouldn't have done.
Sarah managed to completely out geek me when she bought and ran her own D+D game.
Sarah is also a selfconfessed Star Trek TNG fan. By which I mean I had to spend 40 minutes in her room waiting for the episode she was watching to finish before she even said hello to me.
Sarah is of course a strict vegetarian. I'm sure we all remember the furore at BBQ1. I managed to convince her for 5 minutes that there was nothing to eat at my brothers party, telling her mum was rubbing the lettuce in bacon fat. Sarah's reply of "What? Why would she do that?" caused a lot of giggling, and an addition of a label to the table stating "Lettuce: Rubbed in fat".
Sarah stated in this post of hers that I was late turning up. She punished me by taking me shopping. I never learnt.
Sarah tonight discovered in her drawers (careful) an old valentines card she never sent me. Had to be from about the time we first met, she didn't spell my name right.
Sarah claims to know everything there is to know about me. Unfortunately I can't say the same. Much as I love me, I never take much of an interest.

Hopefully this should be enough to be getting on with. She really should just get on with her own blog but there we go.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Many of you many know or be aware that I am a total Final Fantasy freak. I've owned/played all the games I can, I've got most of the soundtracks, I can even say I saw The Spirits Within on its first day of release and have a fansub of Advent Children. And if you didn't know that then now you do. Looking over my old blogs it was customary to do some random reviews of new things (my Gothika review (April 2nd) still rings true today), so I'm going to bore EVERYONE by saying a few words about all the FF's! AREN'T YOU LUCKY?!! (stop crying at the back there)

Final Fantasy

Ah, the first and original! 1987, the golden summer, with Squaresoft on the very brink of bankruptcy! Hironobu Sakaguchi pumped out this NES classic and history was made! Ok, so it was a D'n'D rip, the graphics became dated pretty quickly and it was harder than a cast-iron skinhead, but it was a start, and more importantly it sold! Pity that Amano-san's wonderful character artwork became pretty clunky in the change to sprites, but with an 8-bit console whaddyagonnado?

Pros
The first, and gameply/storywise is still pretty farkin' decent.
It's all there, EXP, HP, GP and Uematsu-san's Ahead on our Way, still a breathtaking theme
The Sprite Comic 8-Bit Theatre

Cons
The NES version looks dog and has some serious annoyances. Like your characters trying to attack thin air...
OTHER sprite comics.
As nails. Level grinding was just not fun.

Final Fantasy II

Ah yes, the inevitable sequel. Problem was, this game has one SERIOUS flaw, which marred an otherwise decent title. It's stat system was shite. Essentially, to make a stat better, you use it more. So, want to get stronger? Swing that sword baby! Want to be more accurate? Use that bow! Want to not get the shit kicked out of you? Get the shit kicked out of you anyway, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger right? OK, I suppose it sounds logical on paper, but in practise... urgh. When I relented and gave the game a chance I spent at least 2 soli hours killing my own team just so they'd have enough HP to live! That said, the game is ok, the story is VERY dark (i believe a contributing factor in its lack of US release) with suporting characters getting killed left right and centre (some pretty nastily at that). Just seriously hampered by that LVL system

Pros
Your characters talk?! Wow, I thought Light Warriors had their voiceboxes altered at birth...
Better graphics (NES didnt change MUCH, but the sprites looked prettier)
Chocobos!!! ^_^ (fanboy drooling)

Cons
ARG THAT FUCKING LEVEL UP SYSTEM WAS SHIT!!! ARRRRRRRG!!!
Still turn based, and still with those swings at midair!

Final Fantasy III

Ah, our last outing on the NES. This one was cool though. Not released outside of Japan (though it is due for a release on the DS, another reason for me to get one hehe) it was however far better than it's predecessors. Story was solid, and we got our first taste at a basic Job system. Essentially, your characters could change what they were good at. Don't wasnt him to be a knight? Make him a mage. Your party got no healer? He can be a white mage then. Ok it had some flaws, but it worked. And yes, I have played it. Not legally, but then noone this side of Russia has either. We're fanboys, we can do what we like!

Pros
Job system! Fwee!
Again, better graphics, and a character sprite count through the roof.
Those nice men at Squaresoft have another good story for you!

Cons
Still not out here. I want it dammit!
Back to the static 4 member party. Bit more character variety would have been nice.
Still NES. Urgh...

Final Fantasy IV

Ah finally they hit 16bit with the SNES! Well, in theory... the graphics are still a little less than groundbreaking, colours a little faded... and the main character is called Cecil?! Cecil the dark knight... oooooh SCARY!!! Ahem anyway, yeh so again, the story was good, all sorts of political upheaval and warfare overcome by friendship and love. Once again we're on a tale of 4 elemental crystals, but no matter. And we finally get our ATB system! Ah battles were never the same again! This one was again released in the US, and thankfully so, as it led to possibly the most INFAMOUS moment of engrish ever. Imagine the scene, an old man has witnessed the death of his daughter, and her ineffectual bard of a fiance did nothing to save her.In his rage, this old man, one of the most powerful spellcasters in the land, launches himself into a fight with said bard. In his rage, he shouts a breathtakingly harsh insult: "YOU SPOONY BARD!!!" And, no. I didn't make that up.

Pros
Huzzah! 16 bit!
ATB!
Spoony!
Edge, coolest ninja until FFVI

Cons
I thought it was 16 bit...
Cecil... snigger!

Final Fantasy V
16 bit is getting there! Again, this one suffers from a small few problems regarding character names (Bartz? Ugh) Still, this was THE game of 1993. Superb story, badly acted in places, with that AWESOME job system now fixed and the most versatile system before or so far since, and above all... Faris... mmm.... even if her real name IS Salsa... snigger... and you got Gilgamesh, the best comic relief character, cos not only was he dangerous, his battle theme was awesome. Better than Ultros anyday.

Pros
Faris...
Job system! A knight that can summon! Oh yes oh yes!
ATB!!!

Cons
Still pixels. Dated nowadays
Bartz just left Boko in front of that cave!!! Heartless!

Final Fantasy VI
Ok, it's good Squaresoft adressed the whole 'only 4 characters' thing, but 14?!!! No way can anyone keep track of them. This one i found rather dull. Ok everyone else considers it a masterpeice, but i just couldnt follow it at all. too many characters too little time. But, they did finally have a female main character, who was cool at that. And they surpassed Edge's title of coolest FF ninja by including Shadow. Who rocked. And thy finally had a REALLY cool antagonist in Kefka, who loked like a clown laughed like a dog, but was shit scary cos he tore up the entire planet with worrying ease. And continued to do so.

Pros
Kefka
Shadow ( not a fanboy)
Dancing Mad, the final fight theme. Was woefully underappreciated, its a 12 minute long epic of musical genius. With organs! omfg!

Cons
Too long for my liking
Too many sidequests/character stories. Hard tokeep up.
DEPRESSING. Has everything from the end of the world to teen pregnancy to suicide to opera. Not a feel good game.

Final Fantasy VII
And here is where it all starts. For me my very first, the fourth released in the US (so it messed up the numbering considerably when they didn't call it FFIV) and the first released in old Blighty. I picked it up at the age of 11, and I last played it at 17. This game just was videogame story telling perfection. Ok the graphics are dated now, but the combat is fast, the story just the right side of depression, the characters brilliant, the women impossibly endowed, and like Kefka, we have the MOST AWESOME BAD GUY EVER!!! So awesome was the Sephy that when he appeared 10 years later in Advent Children there was a mass FF fanbase collective orgasm. And I was there with them. This dude was sex with a sword. Gothic, psychotic, sliced up one of your team before your eyes, and then you got to kill the bastard! Perfection.

Pros
Awesome story
AWESOME antagonist
Nice girls

Cons
Little dated now
NOt much to do once you'd done it all 4 times.

Final Fantasy VIII
I have to admit that this was where my love for the raven haired look came from (see sarah fact 2). I mean come on, she is a sexy peice of polygon. Anyway, again sexy graphics (still prerendered ugh), pity about the lack of cool badguy. I mean, you dont even know she exists until the 3rd disc ( a long time). And the main character was an emo forerunner with commitment issues with anothe silly name. Squall. Ugh.

Pros
Graphics make these people FINALLY look human!
Less swords and sorcery, more swords and large eff off tanks
None too hard
Junctioning was pretty fun

Cons
Squall. EMO
Ashley has serious orgasms over this game. And he thinks it's better than VII. Twat.

Final Fantasy IX

Once again, thanks to the miracle of hi-res FMV we get to ogle another peice of polygonic perfection. With long hair, and without. (I prefer the latter). This one was pretty fun, even though many unfairly dismissed it from departing from the trend of scifi settings. The fantasy realm was pretty nice, harking back to the 'good ol' days' with the spoony comments and the pixels. We also had another cool villain, even if he was 'slightly' effeminate. By which i mean VERY. But again, that didn't prevent the man from tearing 1 planet in half (literally, i add) and pretty much completely nuking another before he died.

Pros
Graphics Superb
Some good subplots/minigames. SKipping!

Cons
Brahne. Urgh....
A little... psychadelic in places...

Final Fantasy X
Nearly there! Again, very hot and sexy if reserved eye candy abound. As you can tell the graphics are now sorted. Stellar story as well, though the voices were a little embarrassing, which took away from the usual poignancy of the story. Ah well, no shame. The effects were cool, the bad guy was enough of an arse to warrant the smashing of his face, the main character was an annoying fop, the music was splendid, the combat was sweet ( CBT! WHEE!!!) and the Aeons were AWESOME. And then they went and made a sequel... oh dear...

Pros
Best FF since VII
Awesome in so many ways
Lulu's physic defying dress

Cons
Voice acting.

---------------

And i end there, cos the films, meh, and FFX-2 is a travesty that will hopefullly never be repeated. So roll on FFXII i say!

Wow, this post is pretty long...
'chard

Playing: Final Fantasy V
Reading: 84, Charing Cross Road
Listening to: 'Dancing Mad' - Black Mages
Annoyed with: My neck
Mood: Serene
Song currently stuck in head: 'forget about tomorrow'- Feeder
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Dancing Mad' - The Black Mages

Jon enjoyed Freshers Week before it was cool!

2006-10-05T20:47:00.000Z

Odd...

2006-10-04T00:48:00.000Z

I just shaved my legs... huh...

UCAS, UFOOL!

2006-10-03T13:38:00.000Z

Today's been an odd one really. Woke up at 1145, and lay in bed for about 42 seconds, only to have to answer the phon to my moirther who was checking that I was indeed out of bed (oops). After a hasty get up and go I came down here and decided to try and be useful while waiting for the gasman who didnt come yesterday cos i was asleep when he called (also oops). So, in my vague attempts at being useful I decided to go onto UCAS and continue sorting out this whole 'uni' thing that people seem to be so into these days. Call it a bandwagon if you like (haven't had one of those for a while). Not doing too bad to be honest, I'm almost at the same stage this time as I was when i abandoned the sceme last time. So all I got to do is do my courses bit, adapt me Personal Statement and get a reference from some poor spointnet. I did all that last sentence touch typed! And that! and THis!! Wow, im really getting the hang of this. Though it does go downhill the moment my confidence goes. Much like my driving. Ok that was a rather unessecary tangent.

Anyway, while I was doing that jazzy qualifications bit (and was able to, with some serious smuggery, put down a C for Maths) I realised that I couldn't actuially remember what the hell I'd actually got for the rest of my GCSE's, so thanking my lucky stars, I sifted through the ol' blog to the relevant page. And was quite a memory refresher! I'd forgotten that at one point I actually used to do german...

But anyway, I took the opportunity to go through some old blogposts, and oh my god the differences were immense:

I couldn't write to save shit
I was SICKENINGLY arrogant
I was SICKENINGLY happy
God my puns are bad!

To be fair, I'm sure when I look at this in years to come I'll think exactly the same (except no3 will be "I was SICKENINGLY emo...") so to my future self: You stink! hehehehhe

Hm, this post isn't so long. Rambling time!

What's been going on with me then? Most of my tuesday/thursday evenings have been spent locked in the green room of Theatre 62 rehearsing what is possibly the most GOD AWFUL script i have ever seen i my LIFE. I mean, it's a play that actually has no idea what it wants or what its trying to do or even what words are. It's essentially and loosely meant to be a panto right? It has about 2 things in it that makes it a panto, cross-dressing and 'dames'. Oh no wait that's the same thing. Ok, 1 thing. It has no jokes (most of the ones you might find even slightly amusing were added by the cast/crew, no kidding), it has a shit plot (Cinderella goes on a pointless journey with no ending) and SINGING OH GOD IT HAS SINGING!!!

But my real nark with it it actually slightly more technical than simple off-slaggery. Theatre productions need one thing and one thing only; an audience. Cos if they ain't paying, the actors aren't doing their job. Problem is, this play has NO idea what it's audience is, should be or can be.

Theatre 62's members are over the age of 30

Simple point but shockingly true. In fact the average age of the punters is above the national life expectancy. So, why on earth does this stupid theatre company insist on putting on shows so obviously for kids that won't show up? Even thier grandkids wont come unless their below the age of 8, becuase they have NO interest in theatre after that (even before, when they can't really object)

This play is NOT for kids

Glossing over the above point with impunity, I have to say this play is disgusting. The first page has the fairy godmother in her underwear! NOt to mention constant SERIOUS (not even lightly disguised) sexual references. It's just not for kids!

Audiences are fickle

By which I mean they enjoy decent plays...

Anyway, so yeh. Luckily these week is the week of the performances for A Doll's House (i'm not going, they didn't want me in the cast then they won't want me in the audience...) so as a quincyquonsce there are no rehearsals. Though Eve has been evil and demanded that when we reconvene we're scripts-down (means we have to know the whole thing). Ah well.

What else in the news of the 'chard? Today I recieved a nice shiny papery chequebook! I'm in there man! Now i just need ot make sure I never ever use it. I don't trust myself .Unfortunately i'm still waiting for the accompanying card, so i still can't actually buy anything. Need it before Dan sods off!

Ah, (Sic) by slipknot. I'd forgotten how good this song is...

Also, I have spent most of yesterday and today in cleaning up the house. Well, mostly yesterday, today I just did my laundry. Checking the window every three seconds to make sure my clothes havent blown away or that its raining thus stoipping the much needed drying process. Also, with the boiler not working we have no hot water. I haven't had a shower in 4 days!!! And it won't even be fixed until tomorrow! ARG!!!

Muse soon muse soon muse soon...

Better go really. Lunch is a cooking, and I'm deterrmined to at least get THAT right. Hope you're all having fun at uni/whatnots. Missing you all terribly! Especially helen, who is missed to the point of depression

(oh i'm on Facebook now, so you know, bust some mad props or whatever)

Auf Wiedersehen!
'chard

Playing: Final Fantasy V
Reading: 84, Charing Cross Road
Listening to: 'High' - Feeder
Annoyed with: Lots of things
Mood: Really wanna get violently drunk
Song currently stuck in head: Erm. To Zanarkand
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Eisbrecher' - Eisbrecher

Recruitment

2006-09-26T22:30:00.000Z

My Chemical Romance - Brixton Academy, November 12th
Paramore - Mean Fiddler, October 15th
Evanescence - Hammersmith Apollo, November 20th

Would anyone be interested in going? Really wanna go but not on my own cos then I seem sad (noone make any jokes about it being sad to want to see MCR anyway).

Lettuce me knoweths

Thieferrey!

2006-09-22T12:32:00.000Z

I'm going to justify my horrendous theft of Kirsten/Hane/Toby/whoever else's wondrous work thus: Thanks to the argumentative powers of young Miss Oxenham, I am not allowed to publish my candid video of her making a complete arse of herself on EyeToy. As such, and considering that I haven't blogged for some time, I shall just fill with this.

1.One book that changed your life?
I can't really say. I've never had a book that ever completely shook the earth beneath my feet on its own, though I suppose in the grand scheme of things it would have to be Jill Murphy's Worst Witch series, which was responsible not only for my current bookish nature but also for my acceptance of literature designed purely for girls. It's a guilty pleasure.

2. One book you have read more than once?
Pretty much every book I've ever read I've consequently re-read, either because I enjoyed it that much and just wanted to do so again, or because I've forgotten half of it, or simply because there is so much more you can understand and gain the second time around. One example: How many people in 1997 read that Hagrid had borrowed Sirius Black's bike and actually made something of it? Cha-ching Ms Rowling.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?
Hm, depends. If it was a desert island of the sort where there's a 5 star hotel nearby, with a pool and many young, naive, yet eager to learn women around, then Lord of the Rings, simply for the enjoyment. If it was the desert island where I was completely alone (and without rum) then Pride and Prejudice, because (and I'm sorry for this) it's the only book I've read where all I wanted to do with it was use its pages to slit my wrists/build a bonfire with. I'm gonna get so many nasty letters for that...

4. One book that made you laugh?
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night time. As a rule I generally dont actually laugh with books. Not sure why that is.

5. One book that made you cry?
I don't think a book has ever done that (except when someone threw one at my head) but I've certainly been shocked or otherwise emotionally affected. See the end of the 3rd Princess Diaries or the Red Wedding in A Song of Ice and Fire for examples.

6. One book you wish had been written?
Dances with Dragons/ A Time for Wolves. OK, they're being written yeh, but not fast enough! Get on with it Martin!!!

7. One book you wish had never had been written?
Gonna piss everyone off here and say the Bible. Though I would like to clarify that answer by saying that it's not that I wish it hadn't been written, more I wish it had been written more clearly and less confuzzzling. For instance, in the prologue, couldnt someone have put:

"Yo, dudes, just to let you know; that whole commandment thing about not killing people? Yeh, that should also mean 'Thou shalt not kill, even (or especially if) I or JC or any other diety or omnipotent force say you should. Cos, you know, it's written right there in plain Aramaic/Greek/Latin/KJV (whatever that is) 'Thou shalt NOT kill. Full stop. End of. In fact, can I just add in the 11th commandment? 'Verily, those that say I'm talking to them without me actually saying so (with burning bush and/or other miracle accompaniments) are very very delusional and should be taken into the proper care that they deserve. Cos, as forgiving a God as I am, those guys are just whacked in the head. Oh and this book is dedicated to Mary. Stand up girl, sorry I had to take off like that. Call me?'

It's amazing how many people get that wrong you know...

8. One book you are currently reading?
J.R.R Tolkien's one and only.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?
The Da Vinci Code. Not because I want to challenge the demons in the Vatican (and frankly, anyone who thinks it does should be taken into care, as per the 11th Commandment.) but becuase most people agree that it's a darn good read. Except Lewis, but, you know, 11th commandment and all that. :-P

10. One book which disappointed you?
Enduring Love by Ian McEwan. And not even becuase I was examined on it. more because it went : "WHAP AWESOME FIRST CHAPTER!! OMFG LIKE WHATS GONA HAPPEN EXCITEMENT EXCITEMENT possible weird bloke, but thats a subplot right... no...no thats actually the story... ok...this guy is nuts...this guy is annoying...that girl needs the 11th on her...this book is shit..."

11. One book which exceeded your expectations?
Spring Awakening by Wedekind. Ok it's a play, but damn, just read it! And keep it under the bed with trhe dirty mags.

And now, for you amusement, I'm going to change the word 'book' to 'song'. TWISTAGE LOL!¬

1.One song that changed your life?
End of All Hope by Nightwish. Otherwise I could still have been on the film OSTs. Swiftly followed up by Duality by Slipknot.

2. One song you have heard more than once?
My most listened to song according to Last.fm is Duality, but thats not true, cos WMP lists The Siren by Nightwish as being listened to 357 times.

3. One album you would want on a desert island?
Only one?! Urgh... It's a toss up between Slipknot's Vol.3 The Subliminal Verses and My Chemical Romance's Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge.

4. One song that made you laugh?
Any Tenacious D song when sung with Matt and Rob. And they're touring soon! Whee!!!

5. One song that made you cry?
Quite a few, but most recently was 'I Never Told You What I Do For A Living' by MCR.

6. One song you wish had been written?
One that transcended all genres and was both mainstream and underground enough to please EVERYONE. Can you imagine the sales?

7. One song you wish had never had been written?
The double edged sword that is The Carpenter by Nightwish. 'tis true that If it hadnt been they'd never have got anywhere in the music world, but goddamn is it shit...

8. One song you are currently listening (to)?
Working my way through all my Within Temptation (legally procured). Currently on Gatekeeper, which was coincidentally my first WT song. So there you go.

9. One album you have been meaning to listen to?
Atreyu's Suicide Notes and Butterfly Kisses or A Death-grip on Yesterday. Cos they aren't too bad.

10. One song which disappointed you?
The Killers latest...'effort'. It's nowhere near the genius of the material on Hot Fuss

11. One song which exceeded your expectations?
Screw song, My Chemical Romance as a whole. Guilty as i am of slagging them off from the bandwagon, they are actually very VERY good. And anyone who says otherwise without actually hearing them needs the 11th.

Now, that video of Oxenham being a prat. I made a deal with her (well, not really, but screw her). If i get 15 comments to this post then you get her. I'm so evil :D

'chard

zOMG

2006-09-09T17:06:00.000Z

SARAH IS A CHEAT!!!!

Dear Sony Ericsson...

2006-09-06T21:43:00.000Z

Dear Mr S. Ericsson,

My name is Richard Stewart, and I would like to thank you for the K750i currently sitting on my lap, gazing up at me with its radiant backlit screen (currently arousing me with the recently taken photo of Dialga). However, I must write to you to express my true disgust at a recent even regarding this most stupendous device.

Until recently it has been a welcome and favourite feature of mine to connect said sexy device to the PC upon which this corresponce is being typed using the supplied DCU-60 USB cable, and with the almost magical ease having been able to transfer (electronically, mind you) data from the PC to said maturbatory aid, and back again from "the pleasurer" to the PC. What a world it opened to me! The ability to not only use my own collection of music as a means of a siren song (allowing the phone, along with it's beautifully seductive vibrations to get my attention and make me press its buttons and hol it to my face) but also as a means of an, albeit small, portable music player! The ability to spend hours gazing at its carcinogenic screen as I happily snapped photo after photo, using them for whatever means.

But alas, this perfect match was no sooner at it's peak of interactive pleasure when cruelly twas snatched from me. The phone, with whom I had spent so many hours using, was jealous of my interaction with another. Indeed, though it shames me to say this in such a formal letter, i had indeed been spending all my time with another temptress, another who shared my passions, another who could hold my interest and love in a bigger way, in a way that my phone was sorely lacking. as you may have guessed, the DCU-60 was lying useless and I, the fool I was, was playing with the wrong end of the attachment.

I wish i could say to you Sony (I can call you Sony can't I?) that I felt nothing for the PC. I wish i could say that the long hours into the night were wasted, torrid affairs, but they weren't. I enjoyted every second, the 20x larger glow from the screen lighting my very soul, the picture contrast infinitely clearer. i was trapped in my own sorry affair, and I was neglecting your protegé, your daughter, if you will. Credit was no longer being bought for her, she remained unused and unsatisfied. I made the occasional visit, sure, and indeed others attempted to give her words to speak to me that I may see her worth once more. But I was blind, blind and foolish.

Like a fool, i convinced myself that perhaps K750i was to blame. That perhaps she had driven me away onto the keyboard of another. i thought she knew nothing of what was happening, but i had underestimated her. The PC was after all connected to her by their mutual DCU-60 connection, and it was only a matter of time before she found out. Maybe she always knew. in any case, they cut their previous relationship together apart, and suddenly damage was widespread. Like the very hiroshima of gadgetry, and EMP was fired in our friendships, and suddenly all were at war. PC became irratible and moody, blaming me for the loss of her friend. K750i hated me rightly so. DCU-60, bless her, was at least supportive, but eventuially tired of her peacekeeping attitute.

I did the only true thing. I went back to K750i, to attempt to patch things up. I showered he with affirmations of my renewed faith, did everything for her that i should have, made her feel like a new phone. However, despite wining me back, she refuses to have anytihng to do with her old friendships, and the old gang is in turmoil. i must ask you, therefore Mr. ericsson, to give me advice on this specific situation:

Whenever I manage to get all three together, PC refuses to acknowledge K750i, though it is gratifying to see DCU-60 at least pointing out that K750i is there. However, PC treats her as an unknown, saying her 'drive' to connect with her again is no longer there. I try and show her these drives again, erasing memory of them previously (bad as they were) but she tells me that these ones are no better than the ones she had previously, despite saying also that there ARE none there.

You, Mr. Ericsson are far closer to DCU-60 and k750i, and i implore you to help me reconnect all three, for their own gain and mine.

Sincerely, and with hope,
Richard Stewart.

And for your viewing pleasure...

2006-09-05T22:08:00.000Z

R.I.P. Mr Irwin!

2006-09-05T02:55:00.000Z

With the tragic death of Steve Irwin finally sinking in, his family have now begun the preparations for their final goodbyes at his funeral. Already scheduled to play at this sombre event is Sting, who will be playing specially re-recorded versions of his hits, "Fortress Around Your Heart" and "Be Still My Beating Heart".

R.I.P. Cobber!

FEAR THE KITTEN

2006-08-30T23:33:00.000Z

This is one pussy you don't wanna fuck wit'!

Happy Anniversary to the Anglo-Zanzibar War!!!

2006-08-27T18:56:00.000Z

Yes indeed! Today, the 27th August 2006 marks the 110th anniversary of the Anglo-Zanzibar War! What a wonderful thing it was, 45 minutes of nonstop shelling, blowing apart the better part of the harbour and slaughtering hundreds just to get at a Sultan they didn't like! Well, he was liked by the Germans I guess...

Rule Brittania!

a thought before bed

2006-08-18T23:09:00.000Z

Why is it that:

11pm = Late Night
12am = Mid Night
1am = Early Morning

If they're trying to sell 0000 as the middle of the night, why is the time before it later than it? Shouldn't it be:

11pm = Early Night
12am = Midnight
1am = Late Night

Any thoughts? Send your name and your address on your telephone number to the usual place. The comment box.

'chard

Results and general moaning

2006-08-17T17:55:00.000Z

To gloss over the last month:

Poole -Awesome
Somerset - 1st week Awesome. 2nd week, acceptable.
Olli D's party - Fantastic. Bouncy castles still fun, and 2 pints still hilarious

Well thats that out the way.And now, for your amusement, my final A level grades:

English Literature: B (TAKE THAT JONES!)
Film Studies: B
Drama: C

-

I am currently sitting hereDrinking my way through the remaining bottles of Grolsch, so forgive my impetuousness as I say im slightly unhappy. Not hysterically so, but I ain't producing any corporeal Patronuses

IT runs something like this. Since everyone applied to Uni (and I didnt) I've known full well that eventually they would be going. Problem is, it didnt seem that long until it happened. It was months of "It's not until after the exams, it's not until after the exams". THen the exams came and went, and it became "It's not until after holiday". Then finally it was "We need our results first, results first, then Uni". Well, here is results day. I've spent the day talking with everyone about how well they did/ didnt do and whether they got in, when they're going etc. And its about a month to go, give or take until almost all the people I've spent the best and worst 2 years of my life go off to pastures new and leave me behind. And yeh, i know what reaction will be to that; "it's ok, we're only away half the year" or "We'll visit/you can visit" etc etc but truth is guys it dont work like that. I have enough older friends at uni to know that when they go the first thing thats done is new relationships are formed, and the old ones are forgotten. It's a question of proximity. Dan, you're a 10 minute walk away. York is 5 hours away. Helen, you;'re a 3 minute drive or 40 sih minute train journey. Cambridge is 2hourrs. there is no way we're gonna see each other as much as now. There is no way we're gonna be in as much contact. Life doensnt work like that. This is where we get ripped apart and left behind. It's how it works. And it's starting to piss me off. Urgh I dunno, thats life really isnt it...

Snakes on a plane tomorrow, should be good.

Playing: Emotional Games
Reading: Harry Potter
Listening to: 'Cold that you feel' - Verra Cruz
Annoyed with: Life
Mood: Drunkish
Song currently stuck in head: Nothing
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'I never told you what i Do for a living' - My Chemical Romance

While i'm here

2006-08-07T00:50:00.000Z

This wont be substantial, but it's made me giggle over the days:

"I'm sorry, I had no idea my wife was so busy."
"Fear not kind sir, it matters not one whit."
"I'm sorry?"
"It matters not one whit, time is not pressing on me fortunately. Now, some information please; this afternoon I have to visit the town for sundry purposes which wil be of no interest to you,I'm quite sure but never the less I shall rewuire your aid in getting for me some sort of transport, some hired vehicle that is to get me to my first port of call."
"Are you alright?"
"Oh yes! Yes I find the air here most invigorating"
"Well I'm I to deduce from your first announcement that you want a taxi?"
"In a nutshell"
"Case more like it..."

-

"Now this afternoon on BBC2 there is a documentary on Squawking Bird, the leader of the Blackfoot Indians in the late 1860's. Now this beigns at 7 o'clock and goes on for approximately three quarters of an hour"
"I'm sorry are you talking to me?"
"Yes indeed I am, now would it be possible for me to reserve the BBC2 Channel for the duration of this televisual feast?"
"Why don't you talk properly?"
"What?"
"No it isn't"
"What?!"
"It is not possible to reserve the BBC2 channel for the duration of this televisual feast until the moment of the termination of it's ending, thank you so much..."

Ah giggles...

The Map of the Problematiqué

2006-07-10T03:28:00.000Z

I have watched 2 sunrises in a row.

Sometimes life just works

'chard

And he wrote

2006-07-05T15:10:00.000Z

Here's the deal. I've set a 52 minute timer on my phone (meaning it SHOULD go off at 5, in time for me to put the kettle on for mum and feed the cats) and during it's countdown im just gonna keep writing about everything and nothing. Hopefully it'll stave off the boredom and heat and maybe someone can read it later on and tell me exactly what's romg with me (Hane, fancy writing a book about me?) As I result the spelling may be inaccurate to a marginal degree cos I really dont want to read it again and edit it. May lead onto some nice freudian slips and indications on how much i need to practise my touch typing.

50 minutes

So, yesterday was a fun day. Well, I say a fun day, it was of course a tuesday, so not even remotely a sunday. But that's by the by. After some interestingly convoluted travel arrangements and mixups involving oyster cards shower's and Calvin and Hobbes, I made it safe and sound to the abode of one David Chander MC. After the initial WTF's and OMG's over my hair which has actualy been cut for thiose who didnt know, so you'll have plenty of time to steel yourself for when you see it next, I sat and spectated the interesting game of MArio party 6 that was being played. Despite the cunning of Rob and LEwis and the interference of some Pagan gods (goombas) TEam WA (steve and jon ) emerged victorious. While the rest then tootled off to buy sugary snacs and other forms of sustenance, dave myself and dan remained behind and I managed to take BOTH of them on at Goldeneye(Facility, Automatics, First to 20) and win 20-2. After some food and eats, Myself steve dan rob and jon stole to the next room to play that wholly underrated card came Pokemon Card. Itwas a feirce battle it has to be said. Rob's early Charmander Evolution availed him well, his Charmeleon downing Jon's Snorlax, Ditto, two Zapdos's (Zapdii?) and leaving rob with an easy battle for his remaing Pokemon, downing Jon's Aerodactyl to and easy victory. After this clash of the titans, the next began with the handy 8 remaining players indulging in the Smash Brothers tournament. I lost both times in the opening ranks, mostly due to being pitted against Dave (Samus) and Rob (Dr Mario). Would have done so much better had I been entered in the n00b rankings, but ah well. When Brawl comes out I will emerge supreme. After this distraction it was back to the Pokemon Master league, Jon and Rob ina grudge match. THis match was FAR more interesting ( read, long. almost went on for an hour and a half) Rob seemd to be losing badly after the initial loss of his Eevee, while his Pidgey was forced to not attack for several turns in fear of Jon's reserves. Jon managed to assemble a fine team on the bench, qith some tactical evolutions and play of trainer cards, endig up with suchgreat as Snorlax, Gyarados, Charizard, Chansey, Vaporeon and an almost impossible to kill Blastoise who eventually took 150hp worth of damage, and was still in play at the end. Rob fought bravely, though his Pidgeot, Drowsee, Oddish, and Clefable all fell foul of the immense power oif Jon's charizard. However, time forced us to call a 5-5 draw. STill,was all good fun, and was good to get back into the swing of things. Nice to remember the rules also. If only I hadnt chucked mine.. a well.

35 minutes

Driving is fun. A lot more so now i don't have Jackie or the examiner brathing down my neck. I have only as yet hit one thing, a tree which went the wrong way druing a turn in the road. I've ferried 5 peoplearound so far, and almost last night managed to get rob to go through the windscreen doing an emergency stop while the cretin didnt have his seatbelt on. Fool. Ah well. Still, the only REAL annoyance is the absence of music. Must buy tape adaptior. Must get job. Must do lots of things really. Oohand audition last night was good ,except the director made me say about 10 minutes worth of stuff in an ghourr. Hardly anything. And nothing for the character I actaully am going for. Which is wanky cos the character IS me. CURSED AGE. I get to the age where I can do lots of cool thinfgs and its still not old enough.Wanky wanky wnaky. Last week was good, nicks pool party, Lloyds (interesting pub). my knee still hurts form when I fell over. From standing still. Sreouisly, never stop moving while drunk, it's far too dangerous...

30 minures

sigh, halfway ish through the time and I'm starting to lose all sense of coherenchy really. Iwas doing so wll earlier, despite the completely geekish waffle about Pokemon Cards. I should really have made my status sjeet a little more indepoth, i couldreally have gone to town with thre after reports, but cant be helped. Will have ot do it again one day. Siting here on my right is the Therion album i borrowed from dave, yet to actuallybe listeined to. I'm on a Within Temptation fest at the moment and there isnt much that can disctract me from the sexy and dulcet tones of miss den Adel. I'm sure it'll get listened to later. Ooh back on the driving sphere yesterday, Wihe i was driivng aimlessly around bromley/park langley ways, we were counted lucky ot have with us a copy of bohmeian rhapsody. Anyone who's ever seen any clip of Wayne's world will probably be able to make and educated gess at what happened next. Ah, that was fun. I tihnk we scared quite a few people and woke a few residents, but the comedy level alone was more than worth s. And the sheer brilliance (if i do say so myself) of stoping outsie toms at the SECOND the song finished was just, ahhhh levels of good.. Ooh a text hang on

26 minutes

Hello to you too emmie. and i do worry. it would have been nice ot get that tex about... ooh i dunno 3 hours ago when i origasinlly sent my first reply, but eh what are you gonna do. speaking of emmie, is anyone else having any problmes getting onto ger blog? I know it's probably still the pictures of Keira, but would be nice to be pleasantly surprised. Would be nice to acautlly fget onto it, but you know, blogger being the intense amounts of arse that it is. Ooh, aquarius, good song. Little... hm something but stioll alright by me. THnaks to my phone (which is also useful for meaning I get SOME music in the car) it comes with me everywhere now. Shpould really get burning for dave. II'l do it later

23 minutes

it strikes me now how few people I actually talk to on msn.I have 74 contacts and I talk to about... 5 regularly, tops? Amdittedly some of that 74 are old addresses (inculding my own old address, simply for vanities sake) and some are just... chavs. burt soem f them are actually people I really should toalk to maore. No idea why i dont, its just how it works i guess.maybe they're all intensely boring. Or i am. I know not. Whichever. Some dont actually come on anymor. some may have blockedme. Most probably have changed adresses. Eh, pointless worry I guess. Hm. My wrsits are actually starting to get all exammy. Is using a keyboard anymore strenuous athan usinga pen? imean, with a pen youactually have to grip it whereas a keyboard you arent really trensing anything. Or mayver thats the problme. I dunno, I'll aska piano teacher.

13 minutes

Sorry about that. Went and washed up the lunch crap and get mysefl some liquid. Kill some time nicely though. went for a walk down the garden as well .was rather interesting. Got followed by a cat who at this point is now sittign on the dining room tabel behind me boring into the back of my skull with eyes that say less than subtly "oi mush, i dont see any food in that bowl! What the hell do i pay you for!!". Alos, theres a shoddy little airball that me and a neighbour randomly kick around, and there was a little honeybee (Ted, as he's usually known) sitting on it,dancing, walking flying around and generally enjoying himself on. It popped into my head that the puir wee thing probavbly thought it was a very rubbery flower. I mean, flowers' petals are brightly colouerd to attract those that pollinate them, and they smell pretty and have pollen/nectar etc. AND the amout of time that ball's been in the flower beds I have no doub tthat the brightyl collour ball has everything needed to be a fully fledged flower (love the alliteration there)

8 minutes

Been watching a lot of blackadder recently. Since the DVD player in my rom has been set upthere hasnt actually been many DVD's in my room other than Blackadder and FMA1. So, as a result I have seen the entire of the fourth series twice. Ah classic comedy, wonderful lines, poignant ending. they dont make them like they used to (they really dont, did you SEE the millenium dome episode?! Yikes...)

6 minutes

Should really be roundign this inane... crap phone brb...

ah was one of those loving people who speak in morse code. pity they only do one very long dash. so yes, rounding this inane rable down now. So i shall say goodbyeeee to all, and love to all at the BBQ, i hope you all get savaged by rabbits. THis one in fact:There you go Helen. Beats Emmies picture posts. All have a good awww...

2minutes

Tooty pie
'chard

Playing: Erm
Reading: Calvin and Hobbes
Listening to: 'Our Farewell' - Within Temptation
Annoyed with: I unno
Mood: hot
Song currently stuck in head: Hm
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Aquarius' - Within Temptation

finished with 45 seconds to publish!!!

Film Studies Checklist

2006-06-26T17:22:00.000Z

All the films we studied in the last two years:

FS1: Making Meaning
The Quick and the Dead
Red Rock West
The Usual Suspects
Double Indemnity
The Good the Bad and the Ugly

FS2: British Cinema
Billy Elliot
Brief Encounter
Goldfinger
The Wicker Man

FS3: Close Study
La Haine
Once Were Warriors

FS4: Coursework
Saturday Night
Spirited Away
Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
Princess Mononoke

FS5
Un Chien Andalou
Blue Velvet
Spirited Away
The Phantom of Liberty
La Belle et la Bete

FS6
A Clockwork Orange
American History X
A Few Good Men
The Godfather

Cinema
The Manchurian Candidate
Garden State
Sideways
Corpse Bride
Hidden

-

So, quite a few. If my aim to own a copy of all those is to be successful I'd best get off me airse. Anyway, film studies now being over, time for another pertinient list:

List of Film Studies words and phrases I never need to use, but will do so to annoy people

Mise-en-scene
Intertextual Reference
Micro and Macro Elements
Contextuality
Surrealist Mode
Method Acting
Cinematography
Malyszko

And of course, what film studies course woul be complete without the heady splendour and mahvellous night that is to be found in

The Oscars!
Yes indeed was an evening much looked forward to by the entire cohort. After a long wait outside with free alcohol (being passed around by the years 12s! make them slaves work!) we entered the hall, with the screen all ready to provide the festive film ferlumtousness we expected

I found myself sat next to a sex pest and a legend (ashley and louis respectively...ashley's gay)

Next list:
Award Categories for the 2006 Langley Park Oscars

Best Music Soundtrack
Best Editing
Best Cinematography
Academic Award
Best Performance by an Animal
Best Story
Best Female Actor
Best Actor
Best Special Effect
Best Art Direction
Best Documentary Filmmaker
Best Director(s)
Most Gratuitous Use of Alcohol, Drugs & Sex
Best Individual Shot or Sequence
Best Arthouse Film
Best Film
Audience Award- Best Film

Aaaaaaaaaand the award for Most Gratuitous Use of Alcohol, Drugs & Sex goes tooooooo

ME!!! and dave. BUT ME!!! Woo! A well deserved rubber chicken me feels. Striking a blow for every person of colour, doing it for the children etc etc.

And of course between awards was the raffle, which.. IALSO WON! Nice shiny DVD player, thanky dank Bill.
But, what school function (read, excuse to get completely wasted) would be complete without that master of magic, the head himself, ol' Cheddar, decked out in his best bib and tucker!

Sexy biatch.

Night night. I might get back into the habit of this...

Playing: Unreal Tournament
Reading: The Dilbert Future
Listening to: 'Rock the House' - Gorillaz
Annoyed with: Hm...
Mood: Bored, lonesome...
Song currently stuck in head: 'Declaration' - Trivium
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Steinbolt' - Squarepusher. Cr-r-r-raaaaaaaazy!!!

...ah

2006-06-26T11:29:00.000Z

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Thriller

2006-06-25T01:11:00.000Z

Thriller Night. Really, real horror show. First off, allow me to make you all aww

Proper post tomorrow. Certain people and computers are being total cunts. Ttyl

Filler

2006-06-12T22:41:00.000Z

Why am I the only person who actually has a massive fucking hate of the heat? Chalk it up to being your typical introvert with his vampiric desire for shade (hold the blood please) but seriously, enough is enough. It's currently 23.17 (you know, night, when the sun is no longer shining and it should get cooler?), the french windows are open, and yet i am still here red as a beetroot with sweat pouring out of my forehead like it grew up aspiring to be a waterfall when it grew up.

And you know what? Heat irritates me. Not just cos its blinding and all that, but I do get really hot and bothered (punnage) in this weather. And it just annoys me more when people say to me "But it's glorious weather, it's great, i love the sun, I'm going to have it's babies etcetcetc". First off, when was the heat and light 'good' weather?! Why is rain and cloud 'bad' weather? Both are as natural as each other, why the preference? Cna anyone really give me a reason why sun is better than rain? I can give you my reason for rain over sun (which actually invariably wins me any argument on the subject). Sun causes sunburn,which takes a week (ish) to disappear completely, leaving you scarred, possibly with peeling skin and a higher risk of skin cancer (might kill you). And that's from about... an hour unprotected at midday? Rain, on the other hand, get you wet, perhaps cold if theres a wind blowing. How long does it take to cure yourself of that? 20 minutes with a towel, a mug of a warm drink and a feel good film. Ok yes,hypothermia and pneumonia etc etc, but only if you are out in the cold and damp for long enoughand dont get warm or dry. But in the same time space as the sun exposure, an hour at midday, you don'thave much to worry about (and who doesn't want an excuse to relax?). As Billy Connolly said, 'there's no such thing as the wrong weather, there's only the wrong clothes'.

There's only 3 things I thank the sun for: Nature, salads and female fashion.
Not that the last one of those is at all benefitial for the sweating tomato man of doom here.

Oh, and to anyone who like me this morning, has to go through a 3 hour long exam in this heat. I pity you. So, so much...

To paraphrase Tim Buckley:

"Dear Sun,

FUCK OFF!!!

Kisses and Lollipops,
'chard"

Real post coming soon, i swear

Scientifically 'chard

2006-05-11T12:47:00.002Z

There are questions that have plagued mortal men for centuries. Scientific minds have baffled their wits in search of the answers. The reason they couldn't attain the answer to such questions as 'what is the meaning of life', and 'did I leave the gas on' was simple. They weren't me ('drinking and f*cking' and 'yes, your house is burning down' are the respective answers by the way). So, in this scientifically minded post, I attempt to disprove the folly that is the Serving Suggestion and the product description...

...of the humble Cup-a-Soup It was that wise and northern philosopher Peter Kay that first uttered the eternal admission that 'noone dares make cup a soup in a bowl'. Well, since I am currently struck down with tonsillitus, and Steve insisted i don't waste my time while slacking off without the ability to swallow without dying, I decided to do something worthwhile and harken back to my GCSE year science lessons. So, without further ado:

Experiment to prove whether Cup-A-Soup can be made in a bowl, despite Trade Description and Serving Suggestion.

In this experiment I will attempt to prove that the Cup-a-Soup brand is severly limiting it's own potential. I will therefore transplant the usual serving method of the cup in favour of a bowl, and test whether this adversely affects the quality of the Cup-A-Soup experience.

Plan:

I will make up the soup by the advised method on the packaging, in both a cup and a bowl simultaneously. I will be using 1 sachet of the soup granules each, and exactly 1 cup of boiling water. Each will be stirred the same amount (10 times clockwise then anti clockwise). Thne I will test how the different methods of serving the soup compare in quality, to determine which is the more successful.

Equipment needed:

The Cup-A-Soup, a bowl and a cup

A boiled kettle and secondary cup, which will be used to measure the amount of water used in the experiment.

Considerations:

Due to the fact that Chicken and Sweetcorn is the nicest brand of Cup-A-Soup available, it came to some dismay when I could only find it under the Slim-A-Soup brand. However, it should be treated as traditional Cup-A-Soup for two reasons:

If serving Cup-A-Soup in a bowl is mad, then how can you serve soup in a slim?
The instructions on the back still only outline the use of the product in relation to cups or mugs. Still no reference to bowls:

In order to keep this a fair test, everything that is done for the cup must be done for the bowl, so as not to bias the results in favour of either. The water will be freshly boiled for both, and will be the same amount for both cup and bowl (in order to keep a similar ratio of water to granules). Both of the Cup-A-Soup sachets are from the same box, and have the same batch code (note, it is assumed that both sachets contain equal amounts)

Finally, the spoons used to stir the soup will both be teaspoons of the same design, so as not to give any extra agitation and bias the results.

The Experiment!

Both the cup and the bowl have the cup a soup sachets added

and a cup of water is poured on them, careful to not spill any...

...sort of. In response to the spillage, the bowl recieves slightly less water

Then comes the sediment test. The two containers are stirred equally 10 times in circumference clockwise then anticlockwise to agitate the soup sediment.

God, I look rough... anyway, the spoons are then scraped across the bottom of the containers, and brought to the surface, in order to see how well the stirring helped dissolve the soup granules.

(note, spoons are the same size, I was just holding them funny) Anyway, it can be seen that the bowl (right) and the cup (left) are pretty much the same in effectiveness. The soups are then left to stand for a minute for the cooling test:

PING

Our intrepid (yet incredibly rough in the looks department, saved only by the hair) scientist then takes a taste of a sample of both soups:

And determines that not only had the soup cooled quicker, but that it actually tasted slightly nicer into the bargain!

Evaluation:

Ok, so the bowl had a larger area to be stirred, but the fact that the cup had more power in the stir ( due to the leser surface area) eventually ailed itself nothing. Upon eventual drinking of the soups it was actually revealed that there was still sediment remaining:
The cup

The bowl.
So the bowl won the stirring test, the cooling taste and (subjectively) the taste test!

Conclusion:

It is PERFECTLY possible, and even possibly desirable to make cup-a-soup in a bowl. However, the practicality of being able to drink your soup should not be overlooked and so, while it is possible to do so, the jury will remain at a loss to decide whether it is actually preferable to make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

Yes, I AM that bored.

Playing: StarCraft
Reading: Catch-22
Listening to: 'Supermassive Blackhole' - Muse
Annoyed with: Tonsils
Mood: Bored
Song currently stuck in head: 'You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison' - My Chemical Romance
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison' - My Chemical Romance

The Leavers Ball (and/or What You Will)

2006-05-06T21:33:00.000Z

(This may be photo heavy or not, depends how it goes. Any I don't get can be found on the spanky danky Flickr)

Ok, i'm now about to pay for not getting these done sooner aren't I? At least it should stave off both boredom and work, neither of which i really want to be burdened with right at the moment. So, for the last 6 weeks in Drama, we have been working on Unit...5? of our course, our final practical performance examination which, being scripted, ended up being Twelth Night (or What You Will, hence the name). On the Thursday my esteemed guests were Helen, Helen, Steve, Lewis, almost Nick Staines and the Almighty Powerful and Complete and Utterly UBER STOMPPMAN OF POWER AND DOOOOOM!!!.(Good to see you there man, congrats on the legroom ;D) and the audience on the Friday contained such special guest celebrities as Dan, Dave, Rob, Jon and the ever lovely Sa. Oh and mum dad and my grandmother, which was lovely and nice. If any of you arent so familiar with what happens in Twelfth Night, basic plot is that 2 twins are seperated, and the girl goes to work for this duke who she falls in love while he sends her off to chat up the girl he likes, who in turn falls in love with the girl twin, until the boy twin comes along, gets mistaken for the girl twin by the dukes girl, and they all have an orgy, during which Shakespearian scholars from Mars come to the village and take the Duke hostage. The twins then fuse together to produce some giant uber powerful anime type thing and fight the aliens, while trained monkeys are dancing on trapezes above the stage. It all ends when a giant Rhino called reginald come on stage demanding to get a job as a tailor, and (shakespeare being shakespeare) makes many many dirty jokes about horns, at which point the duke gets with the monkeys, the twins have triplets and the dukes girl turns into a pot of Jam.

Well, ok it ends somewhat differently I guess. Just wanted to make it less confunsing. So, piccychars!

Ah, the me. My opening lines here, telling of my angsty and emolike unrequited love for Olivia. Loving the costume

Me chatting to Danielle, telling her to go set me up with Olivia. See the love beginning?

Malvolio (Rich) interrupting Alex's party. Grr, we say

Rich, as Malvolio reading the letter from Maria pretending to be Olivia saying that Olivia fancies Malvolio. However, i think something happend in the prop department, and the letter was actually a scroll with the invocation to allow people to fly (and or go into Bullet Time):

Me as Antonio (different character see? You can tell, less bling, more shirt and mad hair)

Ashley doing what he does worst: Acting. See the love not in my eyes? (nah, lave you ash :P)

BEST. PHOTO. EVER!!! Look at that hair man! Double-take!! FUCK YEAH!!! (note the !'s ascending in number there). LOOK AT IT!!! You should all be kissing my feet due to the awesomeness of that photo!

Malvolio, beaten and humiliated, tells us he'll be revenged on us all...

So we start singing and dancing. Sorry to all those who had to hear me sing...

Look at 'im then! Wanktabulous photo there, the erotic dream of male and female alike (female mostly)
Sarah, stop reading now.
Ah, good times. Last ever performance at LPBS :'(... I'm sad now..
But still, W00t! The Leaver's Ball!

So wasn't going to go, but bullies and peer pressure being what they are, I paid my £20 like most of the rest of us, and with the transportation power of Steve's mum (cheers muchly) we arrived at Bromley Court Hotel (should have done Tuxedo Quasar first guys :P). However, no mother would let their offspring go to something as pointless as this without the obligatory shot of the child, the clothes and the garden (preferably combined), and I got 2! Lucky me...

Seriously, how does this guy NOT spend all day in the slavery of viciously horny women? Actually, might have been something to do with the tie. Look at the thing, it's huge!

Could of course be the fact you won't see me smile in any of these. Eh.
I was also the only person kitted out for a funeral (rockon \m/), though even in white the rest of the lads looked exceptionally handsome

(Helen there, 1 of many non-guys)

Chris!!! Legend!

Ash!!! Gay!

Gary!!! Chav!

Back of Evelyn's head there. Was meant to be this:

Nick being inappropriate with my mother there. Tut...

Like mother like son. see where i get the hair from?
So yeh, there was fun to be had, and FAR too much alcohol (sorry Helen, i'm a shithead). I had 35 squids worth of money, eventually spending all but 2 of them on drinks (though, in my defense i did buy a wine for Evelyn, 2 smirnoff Ices for Rach, a pint for Rob and some water for dan). And there was food! And teachers who got pissed! FANTASTIC!

Butterworth looks like a forlorn puppy behind Sav there :D

The BEAST!! Ooh how evil he is... Helen looks kinda angry there... DOMESTIC!

Tables!!! TABLES!!! HOT PISS!!

Ok, the music wasnt great. Mostly chav crap (with Kaiser Chiefs and Europe being amazing exceptions) but still providing much dancy goodness.

And much immense love to the Pris, (drama teacher for the last 4 years). Luverly woman, if a total bitch sometimes.
And what party is complete without a cupboard on its side containing some very nautical types?

All in all a fantastic evening, though what anyone might have witnessed towards the end goes nowhere a'ight? (I'll never look at a 119 journey quite correctly again) And sorry for passing out dear...

Playing: StarCraft (Pwnage)
Reading: Catch-22
Listening to: 'I Predict a Riot' - Kaiser Chief
Annoyed with: Turned off phones
Mood: fuckyeh
Song currently stuck in head: 'I Predict a Riot' - Kaiser Chiefs
Favourite Song of the Minute: All of Ascendancy/ 'Helena' - My Chemical Romance

Stealing

2006-04-29T23:19:00.000Z

Since Flickr is currently being an anal passage, I am going to put off the Twelfth Night blog until tomorrow (with PICCYCHARDS!) in favour of annoying Steve by stealing his thing regarding himself. Except about me. So, obligatory mugshot:

Oh yeh, drink in the sex. Of course, notmany know that, courtesy of the Hammed Oxen, I now live a double life as a dashing, daring, dastardly and altogether 'D' adjectived highwayman!

Forced smiles aplenty.

Letsa go! So longa de Bowsair...

Name: Richard Matthew Stewart WC SAT GCSE AS
Age: 17
Height: Whereever Steve is. Ish.
Weight: Fluctuating between !4st and 15st. And noone ever believes that.
Hair colour: Blonde. Rawr
Hair Style: Long flowing; Cascading.
Eye Colour: Blue. Aeryn!
Blood type: O damn i dont know..
Status: Single, waiting to be swept off my feet, or in turn sweep.
Build: BOOBIES!!! Erm, big. But deceptively so.
Siblings: Mon frére
Pets: Wallace, Chipmunk, Patch and Blackcat
Pro-life or pro-choice: Choice. Liberal skank
Right or left: I cant remeber which is which. Whichever all the bad people arent and all the good people are.
Favourite food: A good sandwich. Rock on.
Favourite beverage: Ribna or, in agreement with Steve, BIER!!!
Chosen degree subject: Cough. Probably Drama
Chosen Unis: Cough.
Personality: Far too nice for my own good. Meaning if i don't like you i'm gonna have to bitch behind your back. Not that I do much, I try and like everyone. Always end up copying others's foibles and mannerisms to ingratiate myself, to the point where the advice 'be yourself' is fecking pointless since I don't have a myself. Also, currently possess about 21 self inflicted steak knife scars on my right arm, so you can work out the name of that personality defect easily (no steve, not women ;P)
What I like about girls: Girls are amazing creatures. I love the female gender, becuase they're amazing listeners, can bring out the best in me, are ALL beautiful both outside and in, smell nicer than men, and are just as much of a laugh. However, get too emotional, clingy, crazy, possessive or start trying to run MY life how YOU think I should, and you will be the only person to see me at my worst.
Music tastes: Seriously, anything good. Even if i slag off some band one week I can be really into them the next (so, no steve, I'm not going to be ashamed ;)). Metal is my love, Slipknot rocking the way forward in that category, with Nightwish and Lacuna Coil sorting out the Goth Symphonic side of things, Muse The Killers and Coldplay being the Lighter half. With a little punk from Greenday and a slight inkling for the Emo/Metalcore from Trivium, MCR and Avenged Sevenfold. Finally Bill Bailey and Tenacious D filling the comedy, and Linkin Park and Gorillaz adding some Hiphop to the final blend. Mmm.
Film tastes: Anything good. Anime is nice.
Tv shows: Dr Who. Never watch anything else unless its on DVD, in whcih case Futurama, Family Guy and the extensive AWESOMENESS that is Firefly.
Hobbies: MSN. Counts doesnt it? Love creative writing and have a massive passion for acting, even if im not that confidant and/or am shite at it. Plus gaming, love me some of that.
Nationality: English.
Heritage: English, Scottish. Apparantly you go back for enough there's some Pirate in me too :-D
Favourite colour: Red/Black
Favourite metal: Aluminium. 'Cos Americans can't say it.
Favourite non-metal: Helen
Dislikes: Chavs.
Pet type: Cats, mix of tabby Tortoiseshell and runt :P
Pet age: 3 years and 6 months ish for the kittens, no idea for Wallace
House: Still standing with a 29 on the door
Parents still married?: Yup
Intelligence: Slowly going down the toilet
Gender: Rugged macho man
Sexual orientation: Straight
Homophobe?: 'I've got nothing against homophobia, as long as they do it behind closed doors and don;t hurt anyone.' I got no problem with it.
Anything else-phobe: HATE HEIGHTS. And I'm scared of the dark.
Been on a boat?: Aye
A plane: Aye
A hovercraft: Alas
Town of residence: West Wickham, Middle of Nowhere, Ipswich
Any crushes?: Ahem, moving on
Best mate?: Too many.
Am I mad? HAHAHHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAAHAno...KILKILLLKILL...
Lonely?: very
Feeling towards exams?: COME ON YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! GIVE ME WHAT YOU GOT! *said while stripped to the waist brandishing a large sword and automatic gun of some kind*
Do I like you? ...whos asking these?
Distinguishing features: Teh hair
Any skills?: Making no sense. Noticed? Oh, and according to Helen I'm good at hugs, and according to Rachel mny amazing skill is being able to wear tracksuit trousers without looking lke a chav. Score!
What would you do if in command of all?: Tear shit to shit >:-D
Thoughts of future: Taknig each second as it comes.
What's that?: It's a small word with a T at each and HA in the middle.
Cock size: More to love. No hang on..
Favourite sport: ...sp....ort?...
Favourite real animal: Cats
Favourite mythical creature: DRAGONS!!! MWAHHAAHA
Date of birth: 6/6/88
Star sign: Gemineminemini
Chinese new year: Dragon.
Happy?: Sometimes, with some people
EMO!: Oh shut up, yes
Then what are you?: Chard
Errr...: ISIT?
Fine: here you are officer, won't do it again
Religious: Eh. When im in the mood.

In other news I had the company of 2 lovely ladies, first Sarah who had fun being late for lunch and then I got attacked by a blonde bespectacled one who then fell asleep on me. Boring old me.

Playing: Fable
Reading: Feast For Crows - George R. R. Martin
Listening to: 'Uno' - Muse
Annoyed with: Me
Mood: Contently not sleepy
Song currently stuck in head: 'Sound of the Underground' - Girls Aloud
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Morgenstern/Ohne Dich' - Rammstein

Taking the piss somewhat?

2006-04-28T14:47:00.000Z

Look at that. Wii. Why the hell? Note the lack of 'Nintendo Wii' (which Paul irritatingly seems to miss), suggesting perhaps a selfconscious lack of association with their own product. "Wii? Oh no, don't look at us. Not the Nintendo Wii, just Wii."
The only good thing about it is that, yes the jokes ARE endless. Cream of the crop being "Wii will break down that wall that separates game players from everybody else".

Meh. Who am I to complain? I share a name with a Swiss Vegetable. I suppose Nintendo are right when they say:

"...it's really not about you or me. It's about Wii. And together, Wii will change everything."

Giggle.

Wii are 'chard

Playing: Fable
Reading: Feast For Crows - George R. R. Martin
Listening to: 'Ashamed' - Muse
Annoyed with: Nintendo
Mood: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!
Song currently stuck in head: 'Double Team' - Tenacious D
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'The Ghost of You' - *COUGH*My Chemical Romance*COUGH*

A collective of nouns

2006-04-16T12:52:00.000Z

Collective nouns seem strange to me. Ok, I get some of the obvious ones, but wheres the logic behind 'a murder of crows'? Who came up with 'a tedium of golfers'? So, in true cynic style, I decided that obviously what had happened was that people had taken the subject, and randomly scanned the dictionary for a word to match. So, let's give this a go shall we? All the subjects are things around me at the moment, the words are random from the dictionary.

A Pheasantry of Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals.

This one was inspired by the fact that Jesus Christ Superstar is on at the moment and that I opened the dictionary to P.

A Mediocrity of chewing gum

Which is true enough. Mint is kinda dull after the whiles. Where's the guava and papaya flavours? Come on Wrigley's, get your act together!

A Juniper of Video Blogs

Which I was going to do one of for this post, seeing as its the 300th. I had the idea before the 2 pints!

A Retina of Shakespeare scripts

Well, the guy did have quite the eye for literacy...

A hart's-horn of MySpace users

Harts-horn apparantly being "Horn of the hart, ammoniacal preperation obtained from the horn; solution of ammonia". Isn't ammonia poisonous? Would sort them out, no problem...

A militia of CD-RW

Wow, I knew they were evil but... wow...

An ichneumon of garden forks

They arent egyptian weasels! This logic is flawed!

An impregnation of chocolate bunnies

ok, SO not eating them now...

A newspaper of Kaiser Chief albums

Hm, i suppose theres the jobs section...

A pettifoggery of adopted mothers

Fantastic word!

A mistranslation of Twelth Night

Serendipity!!! That's far better than the thing thats happening to my kids! Fantastic! Don't kill me Helen...

An insecticide of Christ

Hmm, so it WASN'T crucifixion... email the pope, tell everyone to wear spray cans on their gold chains instead of crosses.

A reign of spoons

...now that's just evil!

In the words of that guy from art attack, try it yourself!

A slight of 'chards
Playing: Fable
Reading: The Dictionary
Listening to: 'Pulse of the Maggots' - Slipknot
Annoyed with: Girls
Mood: Ahem
Song currently stuck in head: 'Time Honoured Tradition' - Keiser Chiefs
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Duality' - Slipknot (listened to it for 4 hours straight. \m/)

Fucking BEST!

2006-04-13T19:21:00.000Z

Do you know what I really love?

Having an empty house. There is nothing better for my mood than relaxing back on the internet, with music at Disaster Area levels and only become tolerable if you leave the building. Especially songs that have NO build up in the intro and just go into solid noise (i've found (Sic), Unspoken and Rain by Slipknot, Lacuna Coil and Trivium to be especially good), and you actively feel the fabric of your shirt get blasted back, resting your feet on the metal legs of the desk and feeling the bass vibrate all the way up your legs, slowly feeling the onset of mild ear problems in later life (lectureth me not Hane).

And you kow why it's good? Cos I dont have to deal with any shit if I can't hear it, I don't have to read any whining while i'm occupied with just listening and learning lines, and above all, I don't have to remember 2005.

And if you're coming to Twelfth Night, we're on 3rd on the 27th and 2nd on the 28th. Tickets on sale through school or me if you give me the cash. Don't worry, as much as it's flamboyantly theatrical, it will be noticably lacking in this character:

Another round of Rain \m/, so in the meantime I'm going to do a Paul and leave you with this 2 minute slice of absolute pwnage: Slipknot's Joey Jordison finishing the Disasterpeices show with the most awesome solo. Take it away short one:

Boy can PLAY!

Metal'chard
Playing: Fable
Reading: 'Mister Monday' - Garth Nix
Listening to: 'Rain' - Trivium
Annoyed with: Student Cross
Mood: Evil
Song currently stuck in head: 'Bubbles' - System
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Rain' - Trivium

'chard presents: The Rom-Com Cliché list

2006-04-05T21:48:00.000Z

Ever noticed ALL romantic comedies are basically the same film? Even Shakespeare knew this when he milked sources for R+J. So, I have here the definitive reference guide to all the codes conventions and clichés of this marvellous genre I am far too susceptible too.

1. Happily Ever After
The guy ALWAYS gets the girl. The girl ALWAYS gets the guy. NO exceptions.

1.1 Happily Ever After?
If it's not made completely clear that it happens, we are always allowed the implication that it does happen that it does happen.

2. The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth
At one point (commonly 2/3rds in) the love interest of the protagonist will be told/find out about the plotting/lies/mistakes of the protagonist. At this point the two will part ways, and the montage in which the two are shown with superb use of subtext and music thinking of each other will be shown. This will indicate a passage of time, at the end of which the protagonist will have come up with a way to win her heart all over again.

2.1 The Course of True Friendship Never Did Run Smooth
If the main character is seen with a man they have been friends with for many years (often since childhood) their differences over the pursuit of the love interest will come between them, and they will argue and spend some time apart, during which a similar montage will be employed.

3. "Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you *Beep*"
There will always be an answer machine in one or the other's apartment/house. One or the other will always leave a message. One or the other will be listening to the message, watching the machine and will not pick up. Nor do they ever call back. (This coincides with the montage within 2 and 2.1)

4. "Where's My Steak Wench?!"
In the unfortunate event that the love interest is taken, the boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancée of the love interest will ALWAYS be a complete ass. They will sleep around, cheat, be abusive or act in other other similar fashion as to make him repulsive. This serves 2 purposes: 1) the audience will hate him and not mind the fact the main character is breaking up a lasting relationship and 2) the love interest has an excuse to leave him when something better (the main character) comes along.

4.1 Timing's a bitch.
The protaganist will not discover the love interest is taken until halfway through asking them out, at which point the rival will appear, say hi, and hug and kiss the love interest.

4.2 Life's a bitch and then you marry one
The love interest is never married. She is between marraiges, single, in a relationship, living with someone, engaged to someone, but NEVER married. How else is the protagonist going to get them?

5. Little privacy here?
The protagonist will ALWAYS have to declare his love for the love interest in front of an entrie room of people. Despite any effort on his part to get away from the people it must happen this way. Whether it's infront of the love interests work colleagues, friends, at a wedding, whatever. The amount of people who hear the confession of love increases the romantic feeling exponentially.

5.1 Mind shutting your ears for this bit?
This crowd will always include the love rival.

5.2 So dumped...
You KNOW that if you tried that in real life you'd be shot down or too tongue tied.

6. What is your parentage?
The love interest will invariably be of a higher social standing than the protagonist

6.1 Dangerous In-Law
The Father of the love interest, unless the main character, will always be a powerful figure, eg a senator, the president, in the CIA or a mobster

7. Bit of old typecasting what, what?
Applies to british films only. I need only say two words: Hugh Grant

8. In Russia, Roms come first, and com comes second...
The film is never funny. There will be 1 laugh out loud moment in the film, the rest mere giggles. You will always however have a sentimental feeling for about 4 days afterwards (depending on the film and susceptibility).

9. Kids say the darndest things...
Kids will always be smarter/funnier than the parent; they are also the key to the romance.

10. The Great Depression.
It never fucking works in real life...

'chard
Playing: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR)
Reading: Nothing
Listening to: 'New Born' - Muse
Annoyed with: Love
Mood: Sentimental, crashing into shit
Song currently stuck in head: 'Tight Rope' - Lacuna Coil
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Infrared' - Placebo

Filler

2006-04-03T21:30:00.000Z

I've decided to hold today's nerd post off until Thursday, so I can incorporate Wednesday's in as well. So, for filler I thank Helen and Steve:

How does the world see you?
Deep Silent Complete (DJ DKN Remix) - Nightwish (Great. Silent, but irritating version of it)

Will I have a happy life?
It Gets Me Through - Ozzy Osbourne (Well, I'll get by. Cheers...)

What do my friends really think of me?
Roulette- SOAD (What a gamble)

Do people secretly lust after me?
Du Hast (Yeh, you have lusted after me! Or you hate me... cursed phononononyms)

How can I make myself happy?
Live to Tell the Tale - Nightwish (I can't tell if that's ominous or not...)

What should I do with my life?
Pull Harder on the Strings of your Martyr - Trivium (Well, it's an hour i suppose)

Will I ever have children?
Drowned and Torn Asunder- Trivium (Master Anakin, there's too many...)

What is some good advice for me?
Reise, Reise- Rammstein (gotta get out of the house i suppose)

How will I be remembered?
Time is Running Out - Muse (Oh cheerful...)

What is my signature song?
19-2000 - Gorillaz (I am 1981 years old!!)

What do I think my current theme song is?
A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay (Score... i think)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Shiver - Coldplay (Shudders guys? Ta..)

What song will play at my funeral?
Tattered and Torn - Slipknot (Along with my kids I suppose?!)

What type of men/women do I like?
You Can Have It All - Kaiser Chiefs (NOT GAY!!!)

What is my day going to be like?
Come Cover Me - Nightwish (NOT GAY!! NOT GAY!!!)

That thing is sadistic!!!

Ocarina of Charity

2006-04-01T14:29:00.000Z

Let me start simply by saying:

SHOCK HORROR!

So, yesterday was the both the last day of the Spring Term and the day of the planned Zelda Charity run for Great Ormond Street. Most of the day was spent playing pictionary on Stanton's board and Category Snap. After deciding that the rest of the day was going to be a morbid waste of space and time, Steve Jon and I sped off to respective homes. I then trekked from mine to Rob's where I was greeted by Matt, and I sat and watched along with their adventures.

So, yeh, if you're lost completely, Matt and Rob were planning to complete The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time in under 10 hours and use the funds raised to go to charity. Sorted no? Well, despite the fact OoT has an estimated play time of 80 hours...

Still, I arrived at 2 and a half hours in, and they were almost at Adult Link (which,if you remember, took me 9 hours) and moving along. They even had a camera set up recording the game, as proof (if its needed) that they did in fact complete it in the time they said. A few early shots here:

There the pair and camera

Li'l Link

Rob looking devilish

Quick tea break

Matt, with both hands full had to be fed the strawberry laces. Such determination!

Hmm, actually, 'Li'l Link' may have been a bad caption, since due to the comic nature of the event, they had changed the name of the Hero of Time from Link to:

Over the course of the day more spectators turned up:

Check the organisation!

And so, at the end of the game, the tape was stopped, the sheet was ticked complete, Rob and Matt looked celebratory:

And the challenge came to an end. But, did they make the final 10 hour target?

Yeh, just by a bit!

But wait! As the witness with the camera, I made it my duty to interview the various people and players of this monumentous occasion. These interview tapes are available on request, send a comment or SAE my way.

After that was a celebratory meal with Jon Dave Matt Rob Tom Liam Chris and I, and then the group sans Jon (who had taken off in the Aubergine Avenger)and Chris went to the Railway and enjoyed the sumptuous delights of H2SO4. Or whatever it is.

Today I've spent cleaning my room and painting my Tau for monday. Though I really am getting the urge to go play Zelda...

Night peeps.
'chard

Playing: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II (KOTORII)
Reading: 'Fail'
Listening to: 'Moskau' -Rammstein
Annoyed with: Lowering attention span
Mood: 'mok
Song currently stuck in head: 'Operation Ground and Pound' - Dragonforce
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Tight Rope' - Lacuna Coil

The Dictionary of 'chard #3

2006-03-23T15:43:00.000Z

WIAGAR
Irritant, Acronym

When I Am Good And Ready. Used in the defence of one who is being pestered by another to complete a task, such as reading a book or posting on an RP. (See also: IAGAR, GAR, WYAGAR)

So endeth the MME

2006-03-21T21:22:00.000Z

(I am not happy.)

And so, the MME's come to an end. BRAiNFREEZE were the starter, Lacuna Coil the main course, Dido and Aeneas were the moist towel and finger bowls, Comalies the after dinner mint, which left the car crash and internal haemorraging on the way home purely down to MME #5: Avenged Sevenfold.

And all of those metaphors are accurate. BRAiNFREEZE were the starter, since there was minimal moshing and only slight volume. Lacuna Coil were the main course, offering the volume, atmosphere and venue. Dido and Aeneas offered none of those (not being food) but was still a fun part of the cycle. Comalies was something enduring, with the initial sweetness leaving a lasting freshness, despite not being as filling as the real thing. And as for the haemorraging? Oh yeh baby!

At 6 of the clock, Dave Matt and I were assembled on the platform of West Wickham station awaiting the rest of the company. Matt was bedecked in the shirt of the A7X themselves, while Dave and I (and eventually Nick and Chris also) were suited in the shirt of that condition caused by quick ice cream eating. We all clambered onto the train, and after lengthy conversation that covered such topics as 'gay pastimes', paralytic drunks at reading, Reading itself, Leeds and sex with frozen excrement, we got off (the train) at London Bridge at alighted to the tube system, thankfully devoid of bombs. We met Guy and after a very crowded tube ride (goth sluts and jewish businessmen in the same carriage. Meaty) we got off (the tube) at Kentish Town and made our way to the Forum. Walking along the queue (which was the sameish length as LC) I was accosted for the Nightwish hoody which was rather nice of the man. He was wearing a BFMV shirt though, so I have no idea what he was talking about giving me fashion branding advice. We got into the queue and had much fun with a man who was just sitting in his car (pervishly)

After passing one vomiting man (took him the length of the queue to get that drunk. Think his name was Paul) we got into the Forum and headed straight for the bar (where I managed to get served, first time for everything) and proceeded to spend 40 minutes during the supports (Bullets and Octane or something and someone else. No MCR clones though) getting rather neatly toasted. Matt, Nick and I then headed for the middle. This was going to be fun.

So, the rousing opening to Beast and the Harlot came forth from the massive speakers as the band (The Rev, Johnny Christ, Synyster Gates, Zacky Vengeance and the illustriously bicepped M. Shadows) strutted on stage. I caught I think a glimpse of the sexyness before I felt the crowd behind me give way into the mosh pit. And I was straight onto the floor in seconds, but after a quick regaining of balance was back in along with the rest. And damn was that fun! The opening ended and they moved onto the classic that was Unholy Confessions

Here I must add a note. If you know the story, don't be telling me no lectures. The pit was again in full swing, but alas, I could slowly feel my shoe coming loose from my foot. The thought did cross my mind to put it on again, but for some lack of reason i never did. Anyway, this was to be my undoing, as the shoe inevitably was loosed from my foot, and before I could retrieve it was again at floor level. When I was back up I scanned for my shoe, but was not to be, my shoe was gone. After being pursuaded quite effectively (heels fecking hurt) I left the pit for the rest of the evening, which I was rather moosed about. Well, I say for the rest of the evening...

...that lasted about 2 minutes, as they decided to start playing one of my all time favourite A7X tunes, the incorrectly titled I Won't See You Tonight Pt 1. Amazing song, which me Matt and Nick linked arms and swayed along, belting the lines back at M (now shadeless. Sexy mother fucker!).

They played, for anyone who actually cares (what I can remember at least:

Beast and the Harlot (OHMIGOSHYES)
Unholy Confessions (OMGY)
Trashed and Scattered (OMGY)
I Won't See You Tonight Pt 1 (OMGY)
Strength of the World
Second Heartbeat (OMGY)
Bat Country (OMGY)
Burn it Down

There were probably one or two more. they were only on for an hour and a bit, leaving first after the 50 minute mark (prompting some heckling from the crowd, which even I joined into with some choice words).

Once they had left for real, I walked around the now empty Forum looking for my long lost shoe, but was in vain. I resigned myself to its loss and ventured with the others back home. I staved off the discomfort of sock travel by stuffing the sock with the Metro, though I couldn't keep the noise of the several hundred A7X fans from entering my ears. Man I have NEVER heard a tube that loud!!

So that is that. Also of note these past few days, I bought new shoes and 2 new shirts and a tie (from Primark, which is also a dynamo) and spent the majority of Saturday absolutely maiming the Stompp man at Halo. And watching Serenity, which is a very slick film. Apparantly I have Firefly on the way, so might make some more sense now, thanks to the Toby for that.

(Still not happy)
Night
'chard

Playing: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR)
Reading: 'Kid Radd'
Listening to: 'Sunburn' - Muse
Annoyed with: Everything
Mood: Hmm, let me think
Song currently stuck in head: 'Seemann' - Rammstein
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Aeon' - Lacuna Coil

Wierd Weekend

2006-03-12T21:04:00.000Z

This wierd weekend has actually only been wierd becuase of one deciding factor: I've actually done things. While usually my weekend involves me sitting here spewing out immense amounts of random crap on MSN to you wonderful chaps (and nonchaps more likely) I actually spent almost ALL or this 2 day stretch doing things of various consequence.

So, saturday. I was awake and alert by 1030, which for myself is an incredibly disorienting feeling. Dad and I then trekked up the road to the fabulous stretch that is West Wickham High Street (the middle of the middle of nowhere, or TMotMoN, not to be confused with any Digimon) where we proceeded to have my ugly mug photographed 4 times for the purposes of international customs registration papers (passport photos). We also went and had a look at shoes, as both pairs of mine (yes girls, shock horror, it is possible to own less than 5 pairs) had become woefully tatty and small, and in these days of gravitational precipitation and the resultant accumulation of H2O on the paving stones it meant that my toes were getting rather more wet than was strictly nessecary. We couldn't find anything in Clarks, though we did have a good old larf at the "Buy One Get One Free" stand, which is only really funny if you knew that there was only 1 shoe on display and the very nature of there being a PAIR of shoes. Ah hilairty. We also on this excursion went into the Post Office to claim a part of a Dyson and some forms with which to affix the photo of me too. So i can flee the country if i need to. Not that I do. Nope. Never. Not me. Then, after a healthy lunch, I exited the abode of my dwelling and made my way to the abode of the dwelling of Dave. Uponst arrival, I shushed Cristina and co. and we got to work producing the script for our coursework film, which after an hour and a bit was complete (as a draft) so i toddled off home and procrastinated for the time until food. During this period I beat fellow 14+ member's score on Space Dodge, Braniac, Collapse, Chicken, Fruitdrop, Asteroids, Snake and Tetris. After food, I showered, sliced half my chin off with a razor, walked to Louis, realised just how disgustingly out of tune his guitar is, and awaited the arrival of Gary and Ashley. When indeed they did arrive, we toodled off, with Pallo Lerond also in tow to Croydon FC, to join Chris and Ricky in the celbration of thier 18ths

The dashing hosts there. The main highlights of the evening were Paul getting completely wasted (this being the first night of serious drinking for him) and Ashley being a cheating little shit:

Had to include the second photo for the obvious posage of Chris Manlow in the background. And for the record, it wasn't just Paul who was knocked sideways by the drink:

Love that photo. Any way, was a good night, even with the presence of some shit music and too many Year 12's.

Today I wrote 2 scripts. 2!! Well, ok one of them is Shakespeares, and one is just the one we did yesterday but neater and more technical. But was a busy day! I also researched the paperclip, which was bloody interesting.
I think I need to relax a little... Oh, and MME#3/4 are complete. #3 rocks immensly and #4 was staggering.

'chard
Playing: KOTOR hopefully
Reading: 'V for Vendetta'
Listening to: 'Revolution DeathSquad' - Dragonforce
Annoyed with: Tyler
Confused about: Nothing
Mood: Knackered
Song currently stuck in head: 'Mr. Jack' - System of a Down
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Unspoken' - Lacuna Coil

A Very Blogger Caption Competition ('chard)

2006-03-07T19:38:00.000Z

In the style of Bliss's photo guru section, we decided we could easily have a go. In the space of five minutes the shutter was aclicking. So, the challenge to us was this: using only the same 11 photos (variants and omissions allowed) we all have to create our own stories/ advice pages. So, lets get cracking. Note that i know not the subtle art of gimpin', so I couldnt do the speech bubbles, and no other effects other than one. Can you spot it? Answers to the usual address. So, here is my attempt, in true bliss-esque fashion:

"Dear 'Ask 'chard'...

I recently asked my bessie mates round for a game of poker. However, we soon got into a massive fight and it all went wrong! I felt totally gutted, and we're so not talking any more. Could I be pregnant?"

Lets look at the problem:

Jon meets Lewis and the two are talking about such wonderful things as the weather, horses, zorses, and how phenominally STRAIGHT 'chard is (totally in contrast with our questionable bliss photographer). Jon invites Lewis to the Poker game that evening
Lewis calls up 'chard and invites him also. "A poker game? That'd be great! You call the others, I'll see you there"

'chard however, realises he doesn't actually know the rules to poker, so spends some time brushing up...

While 'dr00 answers the phone to Lewis's invitation

As the party gets underway, 'chard overhears a plot between Jon and Dan involving cheating. Lewis also hears this, and plans his revenge

The first few hands are played craftily. Dan, using his cleverly concealed Zen and earpiece, is able to be told the cards of the other players! But Lewis has another trick up his sleeve...

Eventually, that hand is called a draw, although Andrew lost totally, so decided at this point to go slightly mad

Still insane, Drew pointed out the trickery that 'chard and Lewis had undertaken! Lewis hid behind 'chard, while chard answered to the accusatory stares of Dan and Jon

A fight quickly breaks out, and chard is killed in the fray...

Leaving jon and Lewis to come to blows.

The problem here is easily solved. Use the horse cards next time. And no, you couldn't be pregnant you repulsive preteen...

Chard: (singing) And so it begins

2006-03-06T15:54:00.000Z

Aware or not you may have been,
That musical events I am to see,
They number so far five,
And almost all are live,
Two so far have passed along,
Let me stop singing this song...

So, as that appaling bit of non-prose details the next few weeks (and most of the month of march) is full t'bursting with wonderful events of musical themes. These five are (in chronologicalish order):

BRAiNFREEZE*
Lacuna Coil*
Comalies
Dido and Aeneas
Avenged Sevenfold

So, first up is BRAiNFREEZE, the combined force of the musical talents of Chris Champion, Tom Gail, Jamie Rostant and Liam Riordan, all sublimely erotic young gentlemen. I'm totally straight, ok. Anyway, they were but a 5th of the entertainment for the evening (unless you count the crowd, but I'll get to them later), with the other bands in the fray being Madura, Eliminator Jr, Finally Found and the ever ready injection of pure oestrogen that is Femme Fatale.

First up were Madura, who were as yet unheard of in my experience. They were obligatorily loud and pointlessly lacking in any volume in the vocals, but that didn't matter too much. Nothing special, but certainly doign their best (bless'em). It was however during this time that I managed to find myself in a three man mosh pit, up against Nikc Staines (meh) and Nick Snipp (ah hell no...). So that was nice and violent, though I removed myself from it VERY quickly once Gideon joined the fray, since that man is DANGEROUS. DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGEROUS I TELLS YA!!!

Ahem, second up were brainfreeze themselves (for which most of our group were being nauseatingly groupieish and were wearing the shirts). And the sex they were, belting out such classics as Dark Secrets, Black Soul, Radiation Burns, Humpty Dumpty,and even some new additions to the proceeding such as the lovingly titled 'Epic', andthe amazing half time entertainment of Chris throwing a drumstick at Jamie's head and the band forcing Sean the Prefabricated into a stage dive. Hisparity indeed.

Femme Fatale. Sigh, such loving girls with a definite musical talent as long as it doesnt stretch beyond the same 4 notes. Still, catchy as they indefinitely are it was still rather fun, even if I have seen far too much of the bassist. Far, FAR too much... *shudder* Then Eliminator Jr. Oh my life what a catastrophe... not only were they generally appalling, they played for far too long, had two people at the side of the stage who didnt actually DO anything, but also managed to break an amp, which pissed of many people, and held up the final act considerably. Sorry guys, but no... no... So finally we come to Finally Found. Who were outstanding, if just for their opening speech: "We'd like to say thank you to Brainfreeze, Madura, Femme Fatale (long and deliberate pause) and f*ck you to Eliminator Jr.". Well said Dave. Anyway, they were also musically sound, though it was rather miffing to have to leave before the end suddenly.

However, special mention must be given to the crowd at United Reformed Church. While there were the normal people like Nick, Nick, Matt, Rob, Dave, Rachel, Sarah, Rob, Anna and myself that was it when it came to normality. The rest of the crowd were all extreme emo freeks between the ages of 13 and 16, between the heights of 3 feet and 5 feet, and between the genders of male and female (to such an extent that we started up a rousing game of Guess the Gender, though for some 'Vole' was an acceptable alternative). An astute observation by Sarah was that they all were in possession of the same volume, thus meaning they were either 3 feet and massive, or 5 feet and turned invisible when side on (though both sets managed to fit their legs into drainpipes...). MUCH fun was had with one member of the crowd. Rob and in fact most of the group were scared of this... creature. Imagine an obese sperm whale in a wig. Now imagine it having sex with your grandparents. It was THAT revolting. And, for your viewing pleasure, thanks to Sarah, here she is!

So that was March Music Event #1 over. MME #2 commenced yesterday evening with the 1810 train to London Bridge. After much kerfufflement (and the ticket machine stiffing me out of £3.70 change) I found myselfd in Kentish Town tube station awaiting the arrival of Fan, Helen, Toby and Kirsten. When indeed they did turn up, we traipsed off to a pub to meet Jon B and his other that is significant Sarah (different other). After a quick few minutes of talkage and conspiring about exactly what was going on behind the door of the gents (eventually agreeing on a trapdoor that led into the Ladies that changed your gender as you entered), we left and entered the Forum. I immediately recalled and memorised the route and proceedings, as MME #5 depends upon it. We got in, and stood near the back for a while while the support act (Deathstars, think a bizarre cross between Manson and MCR, but more zombified and there you are) belted out their quite good m00zakal style. Then, after a swift round of drinks, mercy and poking, we moved into the main bulk of the crowd for the entrance of Cristina, Andrea et al and their belting out of some brillinat music. Of the roughly 12 ish songs played I knew only 3 (Swamped, Our Truth and Heaven's a Lie), which was understandable due to it being the first worldwide public performance in promotion of Karmacode, and so it was quite probable that noone there knew most of the songs. Still, everyone was characteristically amazing, so Karmacode is definitely on the buy list. April 14th guys, go get.
After some obscene trains and a VERY late night (worse than for NW) I staggered to sleep in completion of MME #2. Nothing like sleeping with a ringing in your ears.

Now just to wait for MME #3. Depends on Sa that one...

'chard
Playing: Minesweeper
Reading: 'Wrongboy's History of the World' - I forget
Listening to: '(sic)' - Slipknot
Annoyed with: Tyler
Confused about: Tea
Mood: Drained
Song currently stuck in head: 'Our Truth' - Lacuna Coil
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Eyeless' - Slipknot

It Was a Time For Heroes...

2006-02-27T17:23:00.000Z

...heroes, from a MACHINE!!! Yes. I too like Jon have been spending quite a bit of time mucking about on that wonderful machine of legends. However, unlike teh l337 'trobe, I can showcase some of my creations!

First up, an Orc Warrior, off on another quest to loot, pillage and find hobbits. Don't worry, Sam will kill him if he tries anything:

But who can stop such a savage beast as this orc?! Why, none other than pretty boy elf fairy queen Legolas!

However, during the quest, genres become confused, and it seems Tywin Lannister is on the field, complete with his trademark golden armour! But alas, he has taken one of the Stark's direwolves for his own!!! It was going to be Ghost, but then I got the colour wrong, so you get Summer instead.

But what fantasy story would be truly fantasy without magic? To this end I present to you two dreaded foes: a skeletal Red Wizard from the very depths of the Netherealm, and from the great city of men a noble Cleric of Thunder!

Suddenly, into the fray come several streaks of red light. Far in the distance, the noble warriors see the wonderful sight of copyright infringement in action!

In a sudden puff of illogicality, the battlefield turns into a coursework essay. It seems all this fighting for peace truth and justice was all in the procrastinating mind of a young 17 year old in his place of education:

Damn i'm sexy. Why did all this Machinemania spark you ask? I needed a visual representation of one of my characteres in a roleplay, and she ended up like this:

Hey, Fiaoe, how ya doin'? Interestingly, about a year ago, first concept for her was this drawing by the inestimable Ell, whose intellectual property and talent i hereby exploit. This drawing was done only from this excerpt:
She was met by a street filled with women, all dressed in long black robes, almost ball-gown in their appearance. Their hair was left flowing down their backs, dyed black from root to tip. The dark of their hair and clothes left their faces looking a very pale white. The exposed arms were covered from the knuckles to the elbow in an ornate bracer, that had been stained black. Around their waist was a deep red sash, from which hung two scabbards. The swords were gripped in the hand. - Me, Nov 7 2004

-

So what else have I been up to, other than being desperatly pathetic? The abode of the Matt was the venue for some rather drunken moments of interest. Spend time with the mother which was cool, ranted stupidly at people, tunred others emo, and got to watch Rob and Matt... "enjoy themselves". Ah twas all fun.

Lacuna Coil in 6!!! WOO!!!
'chard
Playing: Grandia II/ Ocarina of Time
Reading: 'A Feast For Crows' - George RR Martin
Listening to: 'Half Life' - Lacuna Coil
Annoyed with: Lack of sleep ability
Confused about: Not much
Mood: s'good
Song currently stuck in head: 'Swamped' - Lacuna Coil
Favourite Song of the Minute: 'Reverie' - Lacuna Coil

Comalies

2006-02-25T19:42:00.000Z

About to piss off to Matt's so this will be short, but i would just like to moan piteously and say:

I MUST HAVE THIS ALBUM!!!

Well now that's out of my system, I bid you all a fond farewell. Sorry about the length of the last few posts, but...well, meh. I'll see you all later.

The Dictionary of 'chard #2

2006-02-21T16:36:00.000Z

Vnuc
Affectionate, v

A show of affection or friendship, embodied and performed by the catapulting of the giver's body through the air, landing upon the reciever. Usually performed across great distances (eg, from a University down to London and/or back again.)

Hot amounts of steamy sex!

2006-02-20T01:18:00.000Z

Cos you know that I can!!!